The Thousands

Faithful readers may remember Stan Mahoney recommending Great River All You Can Eat Korean BBQ as the antithesis of "family restaurants, RSL clubs, suburban weddings, Queensland, and other such manifestations of misery and death." Well Charlie’s All You Can Eat Family Diner represents the misery and death Mahoney was referring to. It reminds me of childhood holidays with my grandparents. Sips from Pop’s beer, cartoons on silent, free biscuits from the pokies and all the soft-serve pig fat ice-cream a kid could want. Charlie’s is a binge-eating masochist’s dream.

Not sold yet? There is only one way to turn bain-maries full of brown, green and yellow mush into an ideal meal.. Dutch up in the car beforehand. Or better yet, Brighton Beach is a five minute walk away – have a puff on the jetty. Look out to the horizon at sunset, watch the rippling waves hit the golden sand, and then go get fat on buttery garlic bread, creamy potato salad and all the fried sea creatures you can imagine.

Now don’t go crazy once you go in there bro. Pace yourself. You don’t wanna go all carbs, and run out of room for desserts. I find it best to work with a strategy. Round 1: Salad Bar. Round 2: Follow up with a trip to the fried side, avoid slimey asian noodles, make sure you get fried calamari, get in on the fish (it’s surprisingly good) and stay the heck away from the broccoli soup. Round 3: Dessert. Round 4: Savouries, The Best of. Round 5: Desserts. Personally I enjoyed the rhubarb crumble and the poached fruits.