The Thousands

As a non-smoker in a group of durrie-loving friends, I often find myself huddled in a shivering anxious ball, having been forced to leave the warmth and comfort of indoors for other peoples’ bad habits. ‘Just one cigarette’ always ends up being sixteen cigarettes. During a late night gathering at a pal’s recently I cracked the shits and took matters in to my own hands, channelling MacGyver and crafting a DIY outdoor heater.

As a receptacle, you can’t beat a 50 gallon drum, but any clay-based box will do – something that holds heat and won’t combust. Abandoned industrial sites are also goldmines. Fill receptacle with small sticks (kindling if you’re fancy), scrunched up balls of your favourite local trashy newspaper, and top with all those dried leaves you hid under the outdoor setting before the last rent inspection.

Light the newspaper and sweet relief is close. Continue topping up your now cranking fire to keep it alive: wooden chairs you picked up at verge collection, old textbooks, discarded cardboard wine casks. Roast marshmallows. Be warm. Soon, your desire to return indoors will go up in smoke.