The Thousands

When asked whether he had a gift for scribble, this was Ben Hammond’s response: “Sure – to find the subject’s ugliest features and magnify them.” Perfect. All we need’s another reminder to sit at the table of shame along with a YouTube’d nipple slip, that song about the 86 Tram and last week’s 9:46am erection. Just moments in time to linger in our mind. Difference is, now our hideousness is sort of endearing.

Ben is truly a mastermind of the one-minute-portrait-masterpiece kind.

It took Leonardo di Caprio 36 years and 35 days to pump out the Mona Lisa – fact. All the visitors to her site just choke, blush, and take a photo of the back of another fellow gallery-goer’s head in the throw of the moment – fact.

But, if you feel like being violated in one-minute and can’t afford the tissues or ensuing mental illness, then submit your photo to One Minute Portraits. If, like your autobiographical statement on Facebook, you “don’t care what others think” then send away. Otherwise, board the 86 Tram, and like this poet who’s just an unsuccessful journalist, continue to pretend.