The Thousands

Picture this. An unremarkable elderly man sits on a leather burgundy armchair. Behind him are books, statue heads, candles… Press the snooze button, cos I’m yawning! Now picture that same scene – but the man holds a pipe. Instant classic! So cool. So refined. Pipes are like magic wands, best used to convert run-of-the-mill into rowdy random times. Awkward family lunch at the RSL? Spark up a Calabash – they will at least be relieved you are not smoking crack, like Sherlock Holmes did with the same stem. Middling day at the office? Unhook the modem cord and lock your lips on a hookah. Your boss can’t argue with a cultural artefact (especially one from the Middle East).

My favourite fantasy scene is this: you are waiting for your latte with a crowd of other cranky early-morning hipsters. The barista? You are crushing on them hard. How will your face become the one they never forget? By busting out your clay pipe, casual as day-pants, that’s how! Who is the money? You are the money. Be it Medico dinky short, Turkish Meer, Bent or Varsity style money.