The Thousands

Ant farms (or formicariums, if your dad is a scientist) are not new. They are, however, on the cusp of being shit-hot right now. The enduring appeal of the ant farm is proven by the ongoing popularity of the (now irrelevant) George Orwell novel of the same name.  

An ant farm is simply a sand-filled vivarium with glass on either side so you can clearly observe your prisoners. Not just a toy, it’s a window into a microcosm. A magnifying glass on a society so small it remains small under a magnifying glass. You’ll be a myrmecologist before no time! (My dad is like, totally a scientist.)

Getting started is simple. Just dig up some ants (don’t be a pussy) and place them en mass into your ant farm. They get in there, hide the queen somewhere "safe", and get busy constructing society. You would not believe how fast they build their ant city! In three days my ants built a 7-11, a nail salon and a crude form of public transportation. That has taken us over 300 years.

You don’t have to do much to play god to your ants – just make it rain once in a while and feed them now and then. For obvious reasons, you should try and keep them in a cool, dark place with low radiation levels. Should you tire of playing god, play devil instead and shake that shit up like a fucking etch-a-sketch. They’ve got to start all over again; it’s hilarious.