The Thousands

Thursday November 26

The who, the where, the what, the when, the why and the how. These are the key ingredients to that awfully dreary and sad business called news. But FiveThousand can do much better, we have for you the HEAR, the READ, the GOODS, the LOOK, the SHOP, the WATCH, the STRAY, the EAT/DRINK, the WIN! and the OUTs. Sound good? Much more positive we think.

So let's step aside and let the bad news train fly by because right now, there's plenty of good news right here. Our favourite ARI has another great show, we have a new kid on the block in the vintage fashion world, garlic sauce truly is just as delicious as you remember, and when was the last time you slapped those thighs of yours?

issue 004 - who the what now?

On the site now (It's updated every day!):
Out: Bat Rider + No Through Road
Read: Important Artifacts
Hear: Two Sides of the Truth / Do Anything Go Anywhere

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Cover photo by Kat Botten. If you would like to submit a cover shot email daniel@rightanglestudio.com.au

What:
The 10 Rules of Rock and Roll

Who:
Robert Forster

Where:
All good bookstores

How much:
$27.95

Robert Forster is not technically a journalist. He was, however, one half of this country's answer to Lennon/McCartney in the Go-Betweens. So, consider him more than qualified for his latest gig, sitting pretty alongside Helen Garner and Clive James as the music critic for highbrow periodical The Monthly.

The 10 Rules of Rock and Roll is a selection of Forster's articles to date. It's well-written, passionate stuff, funny in an arched-eyebrow, unapologetically hip way, an extension of his lyrical style. His subjects are varied but impeccably chosen, from Glen Campbell to Antony & the Johnsons, Bonnie ‘Prince' Billy to Paul Kelly. He does not shy away from hyper-commercial pap; in fact, a highlight is his piece on Delta Goodrem. It is a pleasure to read thoughtful deconstruction of that which is most constructed.

The book finishes with some works of almost-fiction and a couple of touching essays on Grant McLennan, his sadly passed accomplice and best mate. Forster speaks in the voice you occasionally acquire at the height of a good dinner party, when you grip the truth by the neck and can hardly believe how much sense you're making. The difference is that he's Robert Forster, and you've had too much to drink.

By Max Olijnyk

What:
Songs

Who:
Songs

On:
Popfrenzy

Win:
Thanks to Popfrenzy, we have two copies of Songs to give away. To enter, email win@fivethousand.com.au with the subject 'Play us that song, you know the one'

Where their EP showcased an off-the-cuff looseness and a near-enough-is-good-enough attitude, Songs' self-titled debut album is a study in (relative) discipline, with thoroughly explored song structures and deftly crafted soundscapes.

These are songs that have been broken down and rebuilt numerous times. Yet this more involved approach to song writing has done nothing to lessen the immediacy of the music. From the drug-addled romp of the opening track 'Farmacy' to the deadpan come-on Kraut of closer 'My Number', Songs have written an album that pulls and teases attention out of every strum, every drone; out of every snare pop, every unhurried utterance.

This album is not demanding that you pay attention to it though. It feels casual in its form and its function. It exists autonomously. An island cast adrift without any pomp or ceremony, washes of dark and light surfacing and submerging in its wake. This understated attitude shouldn't fool you though, as this is one of the most stunning releases of the year.

By Douglas Lance Gibson

Shop:
Vintage Carousel

Where:
26 Hawker St, Bowden

When:
Wed-Fri 11am-5pm, Sat 10am-4pm, Sun 10.30am-4pm

Grand Opening Party:
Fri Nov 27, 6-9pm. Drinks, nibbles and DJ

Contact:
0422 277 306, vintagecarousel@hotmail.com

View map

Shopping for vintage is an up and down, round and round affair. Op-shops can be fusty and tend to cater for the morbidly obese. Paradoxically, those enterprising it-girls can be a little over zealous with their mark-ups. But there's a new kid in town. At Vintage Carousel, the highs are high and the lows are restricted to bending down for a good look at the shoes.

The lovely, lively owner Rachel Will comes from top-notch vintage stock. Having worked for Queen Street's Hype & Seek, she's now tootled down to Hawker Street and decked out number 26 with shoes and bags and clothes and other bits and pieces to make you and your home feel fine. Best of all, she's got an inexplicable penchant for egalitarian-style pricing, so you can pick up a frock or two without having to wait out the pay week subsisting on Saladas.

By Emily Tichy

What:
Hits From the Wand

Where:
FELTspace, 12 Compton St, City

When:
Opens Wed Dec 2, 6pm
Runs until Dec 19

How much:
Free

Contact:
feltspace@gmail.com

View map

FELTspace. I like it. Almost a pun, but not quite. Plus it sounds a bit corporate, like something out of Nathan Barley - one of those naff "crative" hubs full of rock star artists and impresarios who only endorse art if it deliberately baffles or offends the uninitiated.

Except FELTspace is nothing like that, which makes the name even better. In reality, FELT is a modest, artist run gallery just off Gouger Street. Not only do the people who run the place have Proper Taste, they're also blessed with an instinct for that fine line between the avant garde and the accessible. I suspect that FELT shows are pretty good, and my suspicions are confirmed by the fact that each monthly exhibition is attended by a healthy mix of the young and the learned, very few of whom are total wankers.

Hits from the Wand will be the last FELT show for 2009. Curated by Paul Sloan - recently shown at the Experimental Art Foundation - it's a group exhibition loosely magical in theme. Expect dry ice, cheap trickery and a festive dose of irony. Sloan himself has an effortless, post-punk aesthetic that will go nicely with sneaky cigarettes and ice-cold beers.

By Stan Mahoney

What:
The Invention Of Lying

Where:
In cinemas Nov 26

Watch trailer:
Here

Win:
Thanks to Universal, we have 3 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@fivethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘This is the greatest film review ever written!'

Co-written and directed by its star Ricky Gervais, The Invention Of Lying has a kick-arse premise. In a parallel world in which people don't so much tell the truth as share their every thought, downtrodden Mark Bellison (Gervais) miraculously discovers he can say whatever he wants... and everyone will believe him implicitly.

Now's his chance to turn his shit life around: get back his screenwriting job, become rich and famous, and woo the sparky Anna (Jennifer Garner) away from his horrible co-worker Brad (Rob Lowe). But when he tries to comfort his dying mum (Fionnula Flanagan), Mark inadvertently ends up inventing religion, as well.

It's rather LOLsome, and there's plenty of subversive potential in presenting "the man in the sky" as a giant porky-pie. But by its third act the film seems to run out of puff, degenerating into a bog-standard rom-com about whether Anna can stand having Mark's fat, snub-nosed babies. Ultimately, the best fun is spotting the stunt cameos. Tina Fey, John Hodgman, Martin Starr, Edward Norton, Jonah Hill, Jason Bateman, Christopher Guest and Philip Seymour Hoffman look like they had fun too.

By Mel Campbell

What:
Crayon Rings

When:
Now

Where:
Third Drawer Down

How much:
$12

So, I just tried to look up crayons on the internets. Are they really made of paraffin wax? (Yes) How many standard Crayola colours are there? (133) Why do they present such a choking hazard? (They don't, why are you asking?) Are they racist? (Not any more - Indian Red, Prussian Blue and Flesh have all been ‘retired') And you know what I found out? About this innocent little chunk of crafty cuteness? Google ‘crayon', and this is what comes up in the Wikipedia entry: "A crayon is something some people have sex with."*

SAY WHAT NOW? Well, my mum got it all wrong about the birds and the bees. This puts a whole new slant on Play Hour. And it surely puts a whole new slant on these nifty little knuckle dusters coming in a range of super-poppy primary colours. As we all know, sex sells. Sex looks sexy. And sex can be dangling from a finger near you (potentially, yours) at a mere $12. Now that's some bang for your buck.  

*Update: Wiki have since cleaned up their crayon entry. They're onto us!

By Angela Bennetts

What:
Jerusalem Sheshkebab House
 
Where:
131 Hindley St, City
 
When:
Tuesday-Sunday, 5pm - late.
 
How much:
Around $10 for a main, BYO alcohol
 
Contact:
(08)8212 6185

View map

Sitting on plastic benches, drinking from children's tumblers and acquiring the most potent garlic breath... I've had some of the greatest moments of my life at the Jerusalem Sheshkebab House.
 
Jerusalem's only waiter is a wizened old gent, who saddles up to every table, loudly - oh, so very loudly - demanding his diners HAVE A GOOD TIME. To be honest, it's hard not to. As the owner will tell you (while sitting next to the girl you've brought there, talking you up like she'd be crazy to ever leave your side) Jerusalem has the most authentic falafel in Adelaide.

For all the joy of middle-eastern music and the coloured kites that hang from the ceiling, Jerusalem is all about the food. There's a remarkable hummus, delectable lentil dishes and a-freakin'-mazing baclava. The place works brilliantly for vegetarians and carnivores alike and remains the most entertaining, tastiest and least pretentious restaurant in town. Just don't forget the BYO.

By Ben Revi

What:
Hahndorf

Where:
Adelaide Hills. 25 minutes up the South Eastern Freeway. Or the 864 bus

When:
Whenever!

View map

Chances are, the last time you went to Hahndorf was when you were 13 and your parents thought it would be a great idea to show the Japanese exchange student a good old slice of... uh... Europe (!?!). That's right. Europe is only 25 minutes up the South Eastern, but things have changed since you were 13. Like, it's been franchised to China. While you ponder that, here are some heiss tips to a spass Hahndorf:

1) Fold your side mirrors in if you're parking on the narrow main street. This is Europe remember? Mirror swiping by trucks, cars and horse-drawn carts is a regular occurrence.

2) Ignore the sauerkraut and strudel and go straight for the Chocolate@No.5. There's also tasty, simple, locally-sourced eats along with LOTS of cheese at Udder Delights. They've got chocolate and cheese in Europe. Check!

3) Stuffed koalas and boomerang keyrings are abundant. Euro fail! But there are also shops worth visiting, including Storison, which sells crafty eco-friendly bits.

4) The Hahndorf op-shops are open on Sundays! A total rarity. Plus recycling = European! Have you seen German rubbish bins?

By Stephanie Lyall

What:
From Somewhere Else, Shane Devries

Where:
Gallery 139, 139 Magill Rd

When:
Opens Thur Nov 4, 6pm-8pm
Runs until Thurs Dec 17

How much:
Free

That word 'quirky' is trivialised to the point of depreciation. Think about Woody Allen, sure he is quirky but his quirk and oddness come with a kind of beauty and majesty. Shane Devries paints what some, perhaps the older folks, may devalue as cartoonesque illustration, but his oil on canvas paintings have so much more than just quirk. They have amazing beauty, depth and vision. Alternate, colourful landscapes and preternatural characters cover his canvas' with a kind of frozen eerie weightlessness. Kind of like Pixar, but with oil. Less digital, more real. -DG

What:
Hungry Kids of Hungary 'Let You Down Easy' Tour

Where:
The Edinburgh Castle, 233 Currie St, City

When:
Fri Nov 27, 9pm

How much:
$10 from Moshtix

Win:
We have 2 double passes to giveaway for the show thanks to Mucho Bravado. To enter, email win@fivethousand.com.au with the subject title, 'I am Hungary'

There seem to be just so many bands with all these far off places in their names. Philadelphia Grand Jury, Miami Horror, Manchester Orchestra and now Hungry Kids of Hungary. In honour of this, perhaps we should all start a band called The Vladivostock Hookers? Great name! Anyway, Hungry Kids of Hungary hit the Ed Castle this Friday to launch their new single, 'Let You Down'. Their up tempo indie pop that's full of hooks with an intro that reminds us of this. A good thing! - DG

What:
Gilles Street Market

Where:
Gilles Street Primary School, City

When:
Sun Nov 29. 10am-4pm

How much:
Free.

There are a few different kinds of Sunday markets in this fair city. You could head over to the Brickworks for some culture and a Metallica t-shirt, perhaps stare quizzically at 10,000 different types of nougat on Rundle Street. Or - and this is what we heartily recommend - go back to school! Yes, Gilles Street Market is back after the winter hibernation, and we are super happy to spend our Sundays at school when all this neat stuff is on offer. Food, juice, DJs, craft, coffee and clothing! Beats being hit by a ruler. - DG

You know what's harder than making a word out of scrabble letters that look something like X,Q,W,K,D,M,K? Finding a cure for breast cancer. Those scientist guys have been going at it for years, and they're still stumped. Wearing lab coats and peering into microscopes might look like fun, but despite what the '80s told us, science isn't all about conjuring sweet Frankenstein babes out of thin air. Thus, boosies around the world are still in danger.

What can you do to help these innocent mammaries? Well, you can start by smashing your siblings/cousins/neighbours/friends in a game of Scrabble. But it only counts if the Scrabble board is pink. You can slam down DISEQUILIBRATED on a regular board all you like and it won't make a dime of difference. The special edition Pink Scrabble boards are available from leading toy stores for around $54.99, but we have one to give away for free! To enter, just answer the following question:

This week's question:
X,Q,W,K,D,M,K spells

a) boobs!

b) f!#k this we should have played Guess Who! It puts the fun in racist.

c) xqwkdmk. xqw.kd.mk [ex-cue-WA-kay-dee-EM-kah] - noun. The noun that means I'm gonna whip your ass on the triple letter score. Origin: 1275-1325; SP ex-culpa.

d) buy a vowel.

Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@fivethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subsciber only entry! Not a subscriber? It's free you frankenfurters. Sign up here www.fivethousand.com.au.

FiveThousand is a weekly snapshot of Adelaide's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we call creativity. Without editorial independence FiveThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.

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