The Thousands

Thursday July 29

The other night, a Facebook friend who I barely know, just like half of all our Facebook friends, said this, "It's 11am, get off the internet and go outside". The irony wasn't lost on me, since she was inside, updating her status. She did the same at 11pm that night. She seems pretty funny.

Nor is the irony lost in the fact that FiveThousand is on the internet. But don't hold that against us. We really think you should go outside, after all, a wise man once said, "Nature is sort of like the opposite of the internet" . There's stuff out there, so much stuff, so go on. Go outside. You might get wet, but you'll be better for it. Trust us.

Issue 037 - Go outside

On the site now (It's updated every day!):

GOODs: Yokoo
WATCH: Eastbound & Down 
HEAR: Seagull, Council Tree

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Cover photo by Ryan Kenny. If you would like to submit a cover shot email daniel@rightanglestudio.com.au

What:
Patterns of Creative Aggression, issue #3

Where:
Buy online here

When:
Available to buy online from today. In bookstores from mid-August.

How much:
RRP $10 + postage

Contact:
Here

So, there's been a lot of talk lately about iPads, the death of print media and so on. You are probably sick of hearing about such things. Fair enough. BUT. To give a very nice local magazine credit, please look at the latest issue of Patterns of Creative Aggression.

Don't be scared off by the serious title, or slightly austere design. This mag will show you more good risograph printing where that cover came from and inform you about inspiring creative things going on locally and afar - in a way that frenetic blog-hopping cannot. Inside you will find articles on contemporary artists (the UK's Graham Hudson and locals Jen Berean and Pat Foster) that, unlike a lot of writing on this subject, are accessible and make you want to check out the work (shame the mag doesn't come with an exhibition).

There is photography by Justin Guilbert (he of the wolves fact) and Moises Saman. Then there's a piece on the tireless creative exploits of the Murphy Bros., and a freewheeling interview with Wooooo Magazine's (and ThreeThousand's NYC connect) Jason Crombie. Just who are these people and what is their deal? See, that's the great thing about magazines. Curated discovery. Viva la print! 

By Jonty Bell

What:
Crazy For You

Who:
Best Coast (Bethany Cosentino and Bob Bruno)

On:
Popfrenzy

Myspace:
www.myspace.com/bestycoasty

Man, all I want to do is look at photos of Bethany Cosentino. I made the mistake of googling her and I'm still here, 30 minutes later, crushing out and thinking about moving to LA and getting some tattoos.

If things don't work out for me over there I won't be sad, because Best Coast will be there to get me through. Crazy For You is the ultimate summer soundtrack and it could warm the coldest of cold, wretched hearts. Even today, on this apocalyptic grey afternoon, they've got me feeling like a teenage babe in a stripy bikini. I wanna go on a date with a clown. I wanna be lazy. I wanna wait by the phone. I want to have hair that matches my cat!

They've received a helluva lot of press already, but it's warranted. Their Beach Boys-esque sandy jams are pure 60s Southern California, but they're also knowing and moody and sentimental in just the right way. The lyrics are simple and intentionally adolescent ("I lost my job I miss my mom I wish my cat could talk") and I'll be f*cked if they don't make you want to leave your responsibilities behind and go do something amazing.

By Alice Fenton

What:
'Flyblown': Julia Robinson & Sera Waters

Where:
FELTspace, 12 Compton St, City

When:
Opens Wed Aug 4, 6pm. Runs until Aug 24.

Contact:
feltspace@gmail.com

Image:
Sera Waters

Julia Robinson and Sera Waters share a tendency to the kind of finely crafted work that beguiles audiences with mesmeric beauty. For example, this year at Format Festival Sera Waters installed giant drips of blood all over the building. That doesn't sound beautiful at all. Except they were constructed entirely of sparkly red sequins. So it was beautiful. Julia Robinson is prone to the same kind of contradiction. Her 2006 work, Morbid Growths, included a series of disfigured goat-creatures awkwardly transplanted onto human body parts. Sounds disturbing. But I was so soothed by the lovely floral materials they were constructed from that I wasn't disturbed at all. In fact they were kind of pretty.

You get the idea. Sinister, pretty. Menacing, enchanting. Waters and Robinson (amongst other conceptual concerns) seem to argue that beauty is never simple. Pretty things, niceness, sweet bits are all permeated with a sickly quality. Lurking behind that sweet girl (the one wearing the cute red velveteen slippers and the darling vintage frock) you saw at FELT last Wednesday are all kinds of murky waters. Wait, what? You haven't even been to the opening yet. When is it again? Wednesday, August 4th, three dollar beers.

By Chloe Langford

What:
Dirtyrich

Where:
Online

When:
24-7 baby

How much:
$55-$335 + postage

Contact:
info@dirtyrich.com.au

For high end labels (Elizabeth James, Dion Lee, Alex Wang, I'm talking to you) and lovers of all things couture, fashion nerds go to net-a-porter.com or thenewguard.com.au. For vintage threads, the fashion pack alternate between claireinc.com and ebay.com. Sneakers? Pickyourshoes.com. Jewellery? Melodyehsani.com. Sunnies? Ameyewear.com. Okay now I'm just naming names.

So where do fierce femme fatales go when looking to get their gangster glam on? And by gangster we don't mean the pinstripe suit, cigar and fedora combo ala Al Capone and John Gotti. We mean gangsta. Mashed with glam. You know, what MIA, Kid Sister, Amber Rose, Santi and Rihanna would rock on a night out on the town. Enter dirtyrich.com.au.

Australia's answer to karmaloop.com, Sydney's online store peddles the hottest underground American streetwear labels like Hellz Bellz, Clawmoney, Married To The Mob, Princess Of The Posse, Joyrich and Wildfox. Think cropped tees, ruptured leggings, motorcycle jackets, bondage skirts and mesh bow rings... Beautiful, dirty, rich, alright. All you need is a non-maxed out credit card, a fast wi-fi and a hankering for some directional threads.

Um, werd.

By Belinda Pappalardo

What:
Inception

When:
In cinemas now

Watch the trailer:
Here

Win:
Thanks to Roadshow, we have 10 dbls to giveway! To enter, email with postal address to win@fivethousand.com.au with the subject 'You're asking me for Inception. I hope you do understand the gravity of that request.'

You see, the problem with Hollywood 'Blockbusters' is that a lot of the time they never quite bust the block. That is, if 'block' was ever intended as a metaphor for our heads, brains included. Instead they often relinquish depth and complexity (shit, even intelligence) for explosions (wow!), tits (wow!), muscle (wow!) and CGI (we are looking at you, Cameron). Hollywood might think this is what we want, but we ain't want that, 'cuz we be real smart.

Inception, written and directed by Christopher Nolan of Memento fame and some of those Batman flicks, instead shoots a little higher, capitalising on ideas rather than cheap stunts. Pivot point Cobb (Leo 'fleshy eyes' Di Caprio), obviously channelling idol Jack Nicholson, is a new brand of thief. His pick pocketing skills involve the art of extraction and - you guessed it - inception; the ability to withdraw/implant ideas from people through their dreams and sub-conscious. But Cobb has lost his way: he's on the run after a failed job, and fighting psychological demons from the past. His latest assignment could mean redemption for not only his career, but for a life undone by that very vocation.

Occasionally baffling, but never frustratingly obtuse, Inception is visually stunning (Paris folding up on itself? OMG), with witty and believable dialogue, and a 3 dimensional plot line that manipulates some mighty fancy special effects sequences. Inception equals the hype. If it wins anything, it should garner the best father-son cheekbone casting' award, though someone will inevitably throw Nolan a statuette for something more prestigious.

By Gladys Friday & Sam Rodgers

What:
Iconoclast Editions

Where:
Online and at good bookstores

How much:
From inexpensive ($18 US for the Spike Jonze I'm Here book) to pricey ($18,000 for a Richard Prince print)

That question where you pick famous people to have over for dinner is as exciting in fantasy (Terry Richardson! Larry Clark! David Shrigley!) as it is depressing in reality (your loser friends, who turn up two hours late, without bringing even a cheap fifth of whiskey*). If you can't get Neckface, Spike Jonze, Cheryl Dunn and the aforementioned over for pizza and pot brownies, you can at least get them in art form via Iconoclast.

Born in Cincinnati Ohio (like modernist Charley Harper, whom they've worked with), Iconoclast Editions is the baby of Christian Strike, former editor of Strength Magazine, and co-curator of the Beautiful Losers touring exhibition. They make everything from coffee table books and small artist publications to limited edition prints and random awesome stuff. Their affiliated Country Club Gallery works with similarly-minded artists, and Iconoclast's mailing list updates about current CC and Iconoclast projects are always impressive.

(*BTW, we actually love your loser friends; Terry, Larry, and all the rest would too)

By Wilfred Brandt

What:
Mandoo

Where:
Shop 3, 23 Bank St, City

When:
7 days, 10am-9pm

View map

As a fierce advocate of Dumpling King, it is with a lump in my throat that I announce the arrival of a place that might, just might, be even better than the Chinatown snacking joint. It's called Mandoo. Tucked down off Hindley, this newly opened Korean dumpling restaurant is very cosy, delicious, and cheap.

The first thing you'll notice when you walk in is how amazing the floor is. It's been covered with wallpaper that mimics dried flowers pressed into the cracks, very cute. You will at some point bend over and touch them, just to see if they're real. The dining room and open kitchen are situated in the same weeny area, so you can see the chef making up the dumplings on the spot. They keep the place so warm in there that the windows fog up!

The place is adorable, but then there's the food. Their simplistic A4 menu is perfectly accommodating for those who don't want to read through a novella of meal options, offering vegetarian and meat dumplings either fried or steamed. There is bibimbap too, and a dumpling soup.

I loved you once Dumpling King. But now that I've found your younger and tastier cousin, I'm never going back.

By Randy

What:
Avoiding Responsibility

Where:
Life

When:
Anytime

How Much:
Varies

This week I've been asked to write about being a medical test subject. I'm tired of writing about being a medical test subject. Suffice to say that volunteering yourself for medical research is an excellent responsibility-avoidance strategy. Free money / sandwiches / cab vouchers / time to think about your life. Google it.

What I really want to talk about is you quitting your job, dropping out of school and spending more time at the pub. Life is too short to work. What you really need to be doing is discussing sports and celebrities and hilarious cocktails. You can always get money - aside from medical testing, there's the dole, grant money, "design work" or being a door bitch at the Metro. I'm not even being funny. Seriously, quit. Quit, then when people with real jobs look at you like you're wasting your life, look them in their dead, gormless eyes, point at your crotch and give them the finger. They're the ones wasting their lives. They're the ones who'll wake up in twenty years next to an overweight accountant, addicted to painkillers and overpriced shiraz. God gave us all electric guitars and burgers and tits and livers and wangs and canisters of nitrous oxide for a reason. Use them, and use them unwisely.

St Peter: Heeey! So did you have fun down there?
Employed Person: Fun? Of course not! I got three degrees, worked hard, married an accountant and raised two ungrateful children. Now where's my reward?
St Peter: What are you, retarded? That was your reward! Now you're just going back into storage.
Employed Person: Wait, what? But life is hard! What was I supposed to do for money?
St Peter: Shit, dude. Didn't you read the thing about medical testing?

By Stan Mahoney

What:
Zack Kouns + Alps + S. Wilson

Where:
The Exeter, Rundle St, City

When:
Fri July 30, 9pm

How Much:
Free

Zack Kouns plays some pretty dark stuff. All messed up. All weird. All different. From neo-folk, to pretty brutal noise, even getting angular occasionally. He's over from the US, and that's really nice of him. Also playing with the experimental Alps - whos songs all seem to contain 'whale' in their title - and local dilettante going by the name of S. Wilson. You might know of her from Terrible Truths and her solo excursions. A fine show, and its free. - DG

What:
Avant Gardeners, The Crying Game, Fake Tan, Sarah Chadwick, The Witch, DJ SEX PEST

Where:
Format, 15 Peel St, City

When:
Sat July 31, 9pm

How Much:
$6

Nine-piece psych-rock heroes Avant Gardeners play their first show in the famous Format basement. Supported by car-crash 80s power-pop supergroup The Crying Game (featuring members of No Through Road, The Central Deli Band, Aviator Lane and Fire! Santa Rosa, Fire!), lo-fi teen heart-throbs Fake Tan and Batrider singer and guitarist Sarah Chadwick. The filthy icing on the cake will be the crazed, alco-pop-fuelled genius that is DJ SEX PEST. Everyone at this party is GUARANTEED to get laid.

What:
SALA

Where:
All over

When:
Starts Fri July 20
Runs until Aug 22

How Much:
Free

SALA is, we hear, one of the biggest arts festivals in the Southern Hemisphere. How this is measured we are not sure. Geographically? Number of artists? Paint volumes? Who knows. But it's so grand that it can be a little hard to navigate. Thankfully, they have a website to help you find the goods. Or, you could just ask your friends. Your friends will know.

If you've ever chucked a sickie and found yourself watching Parliamentary Question Time, you'll know when all the ministers of Federal Parliament get together, it resembles somewhat of a madhouse. Insults, taunting, chair-sniffing, snickering, papers flying. Don't know about you guys, but that kind of hoo-ha reminds us of high school.

If we had to choose who should run our country, we'd much prefer it to be people who spend their time dreaming, drawing, and making swell things. People like South Australian duo Parliament of Two.

These design nuts have combined their love of history, illustration and typography in a range of pinnable and hangable rabbits, ears, hot air balloons and snails, tucked up in the nicest packaging you ever saw. Really, the only similarity between real Parliament and Parliament of Two is the presence of Greens!

You can buy P2's busywork online here, right now. Or, thanks to Parliament of Two you can win a 'The Rabbit: Run Peter' brooch (valued at $35) and a 'The gun: bang bang' necklace (valued at $40) right now! To enter, just answer this easy question.

This week's question:

Who are the best Parliament of Two?
a) Branjelina
b) Bert & Ernie
c) Those Indian babies stuck at the sides
d) Pixie and Dixie the little pigs

To be in the running send your answer AND postal address to win@fivethousand.com.au, winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry. Not a subscriber? It's free you willies! Sign up here.