The Thousands

Thursday August 5

Issue 038 - a nice pile

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Cover photo by Madison Bycroft. If you would like to submit a cover shot email daniel@rightanglestudio.com.au

What:
Zine review #20, Lady Beard

Who:
Maddy Phelan

Where:
Available from Format Zine Shop, 15 Peel St, City. Or via mail order, online here.

How much:
$2

Our bodies are a law unto themselves. We try to control them as much as we can, but they always warp back to their own sense of physical righteousness. Sometimes that righteousness involves body hair. Facial hair even. For the guys that's just dandy. Not so much for the girls. Yes. Here is a zine about ladybeards. The first encounters. The multiple encounters. The laser beams, the shaving, the despairing, the fighting, the denial, the censorship and then...a truce.

This is the most amazing zine ever. For me it's easily the zine of the new century. Compelling, fantastic writing. Great graphics that make you wonder where all the ladybeards are if they're not in Dolly or TV Week.

This is hardly a Neighbours storyline, but how common must it be? This messes with our ideas of gender, femininity, masculinity and is essential reading. Honest. Plus, this is an unfolding story. Follow the ladybeard revolution / evolution on Facebook and check out the article in Scavenger by the author.

By Elle

What:
Crooks & Lovers

Who:
Mount Kimbie

On:
Hotflush Records

Myspace:
www.myspace.com/mountkimbie

According to Kai Campos, one half of post-dubstep outfit Mount Kimbie, their alpine-y namesake is, "A place inside all of us where buses arrive on time." There I was, thinking that was Japan.

But I dig the description; Mount Kimbie's album Crooks & Lovers is a well-oiled and timely machine; taut, layered with technical cogs and sprogs, and yet super-relaxed. Don't be frightened off by the post-dubstep' title either; if this is dubstep, it's been pulled and softened harder than your favourite T-shirt.

Lead single 'Field' has an amazing sonic drop, as mid-way it switches from tumble along, sun-tarnished electronica to an acoustic, unplugged version of the same thing. 'Before I Move Off' clangs discordantly beneath tiny, sweet guitar twangs, baby claps and nonsensical baby vocals; somehow it coheres into a charming melody.

The bridge between acoustic and digital is seamless; apart from a few stray garage beats, they could almost be a new age folk band; if buried in distorted drone and undercut by squelches of something darker. But, of course, they're not, and hailing from the HQ of bass, London, their vibe is definitely more street gutter and a slugful of cider than grassy knoll and a lungful of herbaceous smoke. Mount Kimbie, we are onboard. 

By Angela Bennetts

What:
Three ways to hold featuring Bridget & Alison Currie

Where:
SASA Gallery, Kaurna Building, UniSA City West Campus, North Terrace

When:
Opening performance Wed Aug 11, 6pm. Subsequent performances: Wed Aug 18, 6pm. Wed Aug 25, 11am-6pm. Fri Sep 3, 6pm.

How much:
Free

Contact:
sasagallery@unisa.edu.au

Bridget Currie's 2009 aEaf show 'Regulators' was simple. There was a tree - an olive tree elegantly held aloft by a series of thin plywood planks, which were bowing under the pressure. Also there was a real nice scent floating around the gallery. The strength of the flexible planks was just enough to bear the weight of the tree, but I was heaps scared the whole thing would just fall apart. It struck me as a fragile form of perfection - a rational system held aloft by mechanics and magic. Sort of like the perfect hair day that occurs exactly thirteen days after your hair has been cut, twenty-three days before you can justify cutting it again, and lasts only twenty-four hours.

Alison Currie is a dancer. Dancing - real good dancing - seems to me like a similar kind of tenuous perfection to 'Regulators'. The body is trained so the muscles can stretch, propel and support a perfect form that might only last a moment. Once I tried to re-enact the lift from Dirty Dancing. There was no perfect form. Alison & Bridget will be performing four times in the next month - from them you can expect more balance and poise than a drunk girl trying to jump into a substitute Swayze's arms.

By Chloe Langford

What:
Savers

Where:
12-18 David Witton Drive, Noarlunga

When:
Mon-Wed 9am-6pm, Thur 9am-9pm, Fri 9am-6pm, Sat 9am-5pm, Sun 11am-5pm

Contact:
Online

View map

What is it about miserable teenagers that makes me so darn happy? I see them standing there looking oh so bored and disinterested with everything and it always puts a smile on my face. I remember being like that once. Thinking that I was way better than anything I was being forced to do by society. I was literally a 'prisoner of society'. Those poor suckers, sometimes I just wanna tickle em.
 
You wanna know where there are HEAPS of miserable teenagers? SAVERS! Bloody everywhere! They are shopping there AND working there. And damn are some of them disgruntled.
 
But how could ya be? They are in Savers for gods sake. The place is a mecca for cheap people who wanna dress like they pretend they don't care how they look but really care a lot about how they look but they can't ever let anyone know that. That alone should put a smile on their pimpley little faces.
 
There's a brand new one in Noarlunga and its the balls. I even spotted a Living End t-shirt there.

By Matt Banham

What:
Four Lions

When:
In cinemas from August 19

Watch the trailer:
Here

Win:
Thanks to Hopscotch we have 5 double passes to give away. To enter, email win@fivethousand.com.au with the subject 'Dancing in the moonlight, everybody's feeling warm and bright'

Is it too soon for a farce about bumbling English jihadis? Perhaps for some fearless British satirist Chris Morris (Brass Eye, Nathan Barley) certainly plumbs the grim depths of homegrown terrorism. But along with David Baddiel's The Reluctant Infidel, Four Lions marks a watershed in British ethnic-tension cinema: militant Islam is something to laugh at. And it's, ahem, explosively funny.

They call themselves lions, but our would-be suicide bombers are more like bleating, unshepherded lambs. Morris's use of CCTV and night-vision footage implies surveillance, but to the contrary, nobody is watching our inept heroes constantly fuck up their martyrdom videos, train crows as airborne mujahideen, humiliate themselves at a Pakistani terrorist training camp, and communicate using a kids' internet forum called Puffin Party. The cops, and incurious bystanders, are just as hopeless.

That's why it's disconcerting that ringleader Omar (Riz Ahmed) is witty and likeable, with an adorable kid and a beautiful wife who fully supports being widowed so farcically. Even as Omar begins to doubt his mission, he's trapped by his pride, loyalty and obstinacy. It's kebabs for thought that suicide bombers might be more driven by bravado than ideological conviction.

By Mel Campbell

What:
Knog lights

Where:
Most fine bicycle shops and online here

How much:
$29.95 - $44.95

Contact:
Download the 'knogalogue' here

Melbourne based bicycle gear company Knog have a light in their range called the Bullfrog. It's just one in a range that includes Beetles, Gekkos, Boomers, Skinks and other, smaller Frogs. Some are high powered and say: "I will pierce through this black velvety night!", while others are a bit smaller and simply say "Excuse me sir/madam, I'm on my bike at the moment." But they all have in common a design sensibility that is adaptable to any kind of handle bar, mainly via the stretchy rubber binding wrapper thingy. And if the raindrops start falling on your head, the good thing is, they're waterproof.

This sensibility has given them success both here and overseas, and it's great to see an Australian company using their design smarts on such a great product. If you ride, you need to shine. And until all over illuminated foil jumpsuits are perfected (research is ongoing), this is a pretty darn good way.

By Andy Catchaturyan

What:
Better Than Sex Cafe

Where:
33a Pirie St, City

When:
Mon-Fri 7.30am-4.30pm

Contact:
(08) 7220 4747

View map

I'm not going to play it safe here, let's get dirty and call it what it really is. Better Than Sex cupcakes on Pirie street specialises in satisfying those who maybe haven't got some in a little while.

As soon as you step into what could be Willy Wonka's side-project, you are transported into a world of sugary sweet temptations. With candy-striped decor, BTS is an ironic spot for you and your three best gal pals to discuss that sometimes not so delicious topic over a meringue-topped, lemon-filled Carrie' or the Belgian chocolate cake with chocolate frosting Mr. Big' cupcake (I know, cringe, but they are delicious).

You can then wash down the bad taste of the aforementioned conversation with their famous hot chocolate, which is made from 40 grams of real Callebaut Belgian Chocolate and served with pink and white marshmallows continuing in the very girly theme.

With names such as The O.C', an orange Belgian chocolate cake with orange, vanilla frosting and, Elvis,' a treat which The King himself would have happily lined his arteries with, consisting of a choc chip banana cake and creamy peanut butter frosting, you will be itching to ditch your lover for these cupcakes. BTS just might become a cult classic, and certainly a worthy replacement to a partner, especially if you ain't getting none.

By Jenna Hawkins

What:
Olympic Bingo

Where:
Olympic Bingo Hall, Cnr West Tce and Franklin St, City

Cost:
$The money you have left over from last night

When:
Every Sat 12.30pm and Sun 2pm

View map

A year ago I moved into a house behind the Olympic Bingo Hall. With my community spirit and a desire to acquaint myself with local industry I went along. I now own three different bingo stamp pens and pack a hand-cut laminated card to prove membership of the Olympic Social Club (it's free!). My self-esteem is better for it if you really want to know. I even took my mum along on mother's day. She liked it...I think.

If you want to take your first bingo steps then here are some tips. Take a highlighter, your lucky charm and a friend, or make one, there's plenty of lonely superstitious seniors there. Just buy one game set. Respect the seasoned professionals who play 4 games simultaneously, but don't put yourself under that much pressure. You're just not ready yet. Bingo stamp pens are fun and only cost $2 so buy one if you want - remember this is cash only people.

Pick a seat and make friends with the nearest old lady who will kindly show you how to mark up your game set (I said take your highlighter!). She'll probably even do it for you. Because every bingo game has a sub-game - Whinger's Game, Lucky 7, Any Line, Union Jack. Confused? I was. Don't worry, your friendly old lady will look out for you.

Put your head down and the let the caller work his magic - Kelly's eye number 1, woopsie doo, legs 11...you'll catch on.

By Jeremy Ryder

What:
Schaffas 2: Screamdance Exhibition and Book Launch

Where:
Black Sheep Foyer, 1st floor, 187 Rundle St, City

When:
Fri Aug 6, 6pm. Runs until Aug 21.

How Much:
Free

Do you remember the first ever 'Schaffas' show at Urban Cow? Wasn't it just great? If you didn't make it, here is the juice. A Schaffas is a little wooden toy. With a little kinda rotund body and little stumpy legs. In this exhibition brought to you by Screamdance, a bunch of artists  will go to town on these little critters to make them into pretty much whatever they want. The interpretations and ideas are always different, always fun, sometimes sinister, sometimes cute. - DG

What:
Fabulous Diamonds II Launch with Fair Maiden + Bad Habit

Where:
The Metro, 46 Grote St, City

When:
Sat Aug 7, 8pm

A little while back those Fabulous Diamonds made us a little mixtape. One of those legal ones that you listen to online. Maybe it wasn't quite the Fabulous Diamonds fix you'd been hoping for, we understand, after all it was fabulous but it wasn't the Fabulous. Well, here's some good news. Fabulous Diamonds play the Metro, with Fair Maiden and Bad Habit. -DG

What:
Clubhouse Lane Boutique Summer Preview

Where:
Clubhouse Lane Boutique, 13 Frome St, City

When:
Sat Aug 7, 4pm onward

How Much:
Free

Disclaimer: I'm just a boy. I like to wear hoodies, t-shirts, dirty jeans, occasionally a 'nicer' check shirt, and when it's cold I wear my duffle coat... Fashion credibility blown! BUT, I know some people who know their stuff, and love a lovely little store called Clubhouse Lane, even my rookie eyes know that it's really good. This Saturday is a preview of their summer collection, and a little someone is bringing back a bunch of fine vintage from the UK. - DG

Wall decals are TV Hits pin-up posters for adults. If you've personally found it hard to kick the blu-tac habits of your teens, here's your chance at validation. Thanks to new Brisbane based company Dawson Interiors, sole Australian and New Zealand distributors of the French creative and artistic brands Domestic  and Moustache you can have walls that look like this and like this . Say goodbye to Corey Haim; say hello to Jeremyville and Rinzen  and Dylan Martorell.

Domestic specialise in wall drawings, wall landscapes, mirrors and interior designs. Moustache are a playful and immaculately selective Paris brand with furniture and lighting designed by the likes of Emili Padros.

Thanks to Jesse-James 'yes, that's his real name' Dawson of Dawson Interiors, we have this piece by Genevi to giveaway. There can only be one winner, but there are at least four walls at your house - so get online shopping here.

To enter, just answer the following question.

This week's question:

Jesse-James

a) dresses like the Marlboro man
b) twists his moustache like a Parisian
c) imports awesome interior ideas from the French
d) assassinated the coward Robert Ford

Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@fivethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. SUBSCRIBER ONLY ENTRY! Not a subscriber? It's free you meatballs. Sign up here.