The Thousands

Thursday September 9

God! Is that you? Oh no, wait a second.. it's just an empty water tank or a World War II mine, or something. But, remember, God is everywhere, man. God is in your weed, he/she/it was no doubt involved in this as some kind of moral lesson, God likes getting gnarly dude. God likes feelings too, if they fit with his/hers/its book. We all know how much the big G digs wine. Gawd help us.

Issue 043 - oh gawd

On the site now (It's updated every day!):

GOODS: Tuthilltown Spirits
READ: Habitus
GOODS: Boxsal Picnic Kits

Be our fan on The Face
Follow us on Tweeter
RSS HERE!

Cover photo by Reannen Miette. If you would like to submit a cover shot email daniel@rightanglestudio.com.au

What:
Weed World

Where:
Weed World Head Shop

When:
Every second month

How much:
Around $70 for a 12 month subscription

I initially doubted that anyone would be able to fill an entire magazine with content that furthers the fight towards legalising skunky funky. I was wrong. This 145-pager packs more hits than Cypress Hill.

After you decipher the eternally differing formatting on each and every page, you can start working out exactly what bits are editorial, advertorial and advertising. From there, you'll notice Vivienne Westwood's legalisation plea, a reflection piece on Dennis Hopper, the Monster Munchie recipe column - which appears numerous times, and epic reader photos that'll make you weep.

There's also a recap on health concerns, your monthly Weediac, a legal advice contacts section, music, book, movie and game reviews bundled neatly into a four page 'Chill Out Zone', plus my favourite ever; Dear Sonia. Sonia is a marijuana minx, dressed in a maid outfit who not only answers your letters  but gets to go to Jamaica later on in the issue. Bong on, dude (Shakka).

By Hayley Morgan

What:
Kudos

Who:
Surf City

Where:
Good record stores

On:
Pop Frenzy Records

MySpace:
Here

Surf City aren't what you'd call a 'surf' band in the true sense of the word. Even among the current slew of surf/beach-inspired acts such as Wavves, Best Coast, Surfer Blood and The Sea World Pots and Pans Band, the Auckland four piece play with a style that has them swimming outside the flags.

While their 2007 EP had a stripped-back, lo-fi surf-rock sound - the eleven songs on Kudos pick the guitars up with echo and reverb, even a touch of drone. The result is a stunning and powerful debut rock album from a band that has a knack for writing the kind of fuzzed out but sweet pop pioneered by fellow Kiwis The Clean and The Bats in the early 1980s.

Some detractors will no doubt lump songs such as 'Yakuza Park' in with Animal Collective / Wolf Parade knock-offs. Whatever. These are the same people who are jealous that, unlike Surf City, their shitty band didn't get to support Interpol, Dinosaur Jr and MGMT.

The droney fuzz of 'Crazy Rulers of the World' flat out rocks, and driving or walking to the 7-11 listening to 'Cia' will make you feel like you are doing it in Venice Beach - or at least on K Road.

By Tim Scott

What:
Vocal Thoughts curated by Peter McKay, featuring Anna Davis + Jason Gee, Chris Howlett, Daniel Johnston, Tellervo Kalleinen + Oliver Kochta-Kalleinen, Dani Marti and Kate Murphy

Where:
CACSA, 14 Porter St, Parkside

When:
Opens Fri Sep 10, 6pm. Runs until Oct 10

How much:
Free

Contact:
program@cacsa.org.au

Image:
Daniel Johnston

I've spent too long at art school to say for sure, but I get the impression the real world' thinks the art world' is all about expressing yourself. Feelings and emotions. That kind of thing. Well I guess it kind of is. But mostly it's about sourcing materials, grant applications, bureaucracy, curators and spackle. Nonetheless, contemporary art is still fascinated by - or perhaps has returned to - stuff we think but don't say.

Vocal Thoughts doesn't slip back into the old clich of the troubled but brilliant artist. Oh, well, actually it does. Most of the Facebook plugs I've seen for this show have been about the legendary bipolar musician-artist Daniel Johnston. Probably with good reason. Johnston's drawings contain a kind of hectic energy that is likely to refresh anything in this show that is too over-thought-out. But maybe that's just another assumption about outsider art'.

Anyway, feelings are more complicated than they used to be. Vocal Thoughts deals with feelings, and thinking about your feelings, and expressing your feelings, and thinking about expressing your feelings, and how expressing your feelings that you've thought about can make other people feel uncomfortable. This show has got everything from self-help videos to a choir that sings on the subject of the audience's complaints about parking fines and marriage breakups.

By Chloe Langford

What:
Red House Vintage

Where:
eBay, Gilles Street Market

When:
Anytime online, Sun Sep 19 at Gilles Street Market

How much:
From $9.99

Hands up who has tried to take their boyfriend to the Gilles Street Market? How many stalls did you make it past before the feet started to drag and the answers to questions like ooh, this is cute, what do you think?' changed from yeah that's nice, buy it' to mnh'? Don't even get me started on how hard it is to get the boys to look at things for themselves...

Lads are not easy to outfit well in this town, and there are certainly slim pickings when it comes to men's vintage. A few stores do it quite well, but only for impossibly slim hipster boys or lads with penchants for leather jackets in all shades of black, grey and brown. And really, leather jackets were more from The Strokes era anyway - we've moved on, haven't we?

That's where Red House Vintage comes in. Not only do they have a nifty little eBay store with some nice selections for the lay-deez, but they are also promising a men's vintage bonanza at the Gilles Street Market on September 19. Go on - give your boy once last chance to redeem himself as a good Gilles Street companion, or remain forever dressed like it's 2002.

By Stephanie Lyall

What:
The Disappearance Of Alice Creed

When:
In cinemas from September 9

Watch Trailer:
Here

Win:
Thanks to Icon we have 5 dbls! To enter, email win@fivethousand.com.au with the subject line Bunnings: for all your kidnapping supply needs'

The opening scenes of this microbudget UK thriller are a triumph. Two men - taciturn Vic (Eddie Marsan) and meek Danny (Martin Compston) - wordlessly kit out a van and a dilapidated flat to kidnap and ransom rich girl Alice Creed (Gemma Arterton). Of course their meticulous plans go pear-shaped - and as loyalties shift between the trio, who'll end up with two million pounds... and their lives?

In July, writer/director J Blakeson tweeted indignantly about me calling him a "Brit-brat". He's being touted as the new Danny Boyle, with this his Shallow Grave. Sure, it's clever, but self-consciously so, and it feels theatrical in much the same way 44 Inch Chest did. The always-terrific Marsan is a standout: he excels at playing characters who respond to self-doubt and powerlessness with pitbull ferocity.

But I had misgivings about The Objectification Of Gemma Arterton. She tries hard, and some might call her brave' for agreeing to be stripped, gagged and humiliated for both Vic's and Blakeson's cameras (though Blakeson is careful to avoid crotch shots, male and female). But it's a pity Blakeson seems more interested in Alice's flesh than in fleshing out her character.

By Mel Campbell

What:
Mia Nolting's Mystery Envelopes

Where:
Online to your letterbox

When:
When you pay up

How much:
$10 - $100

I have a massive girl-crush on Mia Nolting. Here's why. A) She's got a really cute website. B) She's heavily influenced by typography, overheard conversations and strangers in cafes. C) She enjoys book making. D) She runs a totally amazing money making scheme where she writes words of your choice in chalk and then photographs them for a small fee. It's real nice writing, too! E) She is all about free things, like illustrations and checklists. F) She's a big fan of lists, questionnaires and polls (see her blog sidebar). G) She curates and edits &Review. H) This is her wearing a ridiculous dress and playing a gold organ. I do not know why.

A couple of weeks ago she launched her latest money making scheme, Mystery Envelopes, aka hand me over a pile of your hard-earned and I'll post you a bunch of shit I find lying around my house'. Of course, I couldn't get into my Paypal account fast enough. And my $25 (there are a range of options beginning at $10) did not disappoint - posters, postcards, illustrations, photos, pages ripped from sketchbooks. They're beautiful. Sure, now they're all catching dust in my house instead of hers, but they were MIA NOLTING'S, YO! Sigh. Whatta woman.

By Stephanie Lyall

What:
Doughnut Toast

Where:
Toaster

When:
When you're poor and snacky

How much:
$1

The only way I know how to eat a stale doughnut is fresh out of the microwave - a method that sucks because of the initial hot hot hot juggle, followed by a stale-again ending. Thanks Dad.

Freya Baska (Maja's little sister) recently invented Doughnut Toast. The single best ever way to put those $1 semi-stale supermarket doughnuts to excellent use. You cut them in half like a deliciously cinnamony bagel and toast them to perfection. Butter them, jam them, Nuttella them. Do what ever - it's freakin' Doughnut Toast!

Freya's hot tip: If you stand over the toaster and breath in hard, it smells just like you're standing outside Donut King watching the machine churn out hot doughnuts.  

As a self-elected master of snackery, I'm pretty confused as to how I didn't think of this one first (I don't have a toaster). Baska, the title is yours! 

By Hayley Morgan

What:
Alfie's Wine Tours

Where:
Clare Valley, Barossa Valley, McLaren Vale and Adelaide Hills

How much:
$70

Contact:
Alfie

If you've ever felt lost trying to pick out a wine for dinner, you should really invest in a wine tour. While the idea of a bus load of screeching, tipsy girls may not be appealing to everyone, you will at least come back armed with a new word bank of terms like "rich in tannins" and several bottles of delicious local wines. And by the end of the day you'll have mastered that swilling technique.

Alfie's Wine Tours do a day trip in the Clare Valley, The Barossa, McLaren Vale or the Adelaide Hills for around $70 a head. Alfie is your driver, a man who has driven around paro bitches for nearly seven years in his big yellow bus. He clearly specialises in hen's nights, given the inappropriate jokes he often makes. While driving to the first winery we were presented with a sheet of Wine Tips' that ended with the phrase: "Now the only question is, spit or swallow?". Ew, Alfie!

The tour starts an all day thing, with visits to five wineries and lunch included. You can try nearly forty wines, all the while gazing over the beautiful meadows of McLaren Flat, and then buy them direct from the cellar door for a cheap price. The Cab Sav blend I brought home was a real winner with the roast lamb. Thanks Alfie.

By Randy

What:
Fantastic Fighting League, Friends, Fake Tan & Old Mate

Where:
The Metro, 46 Grote St, City

When:
Sat Sep 11, 9pm

How Much:
$65 on the door, a good deal

Yeah yeah yeah, we hear ya. Fake Tan this, Fake Tan that. Seems like it comes up every week don't it? Well it does, and that's because it's damn good. They've got a cassette out through Dirty Burger Records. Fantastic Fighting League play some pretty fine tunes too. They sound like they come from a cold land-locked city full of politicians. They do, and that's just gotta piss you off. Friends are pissed off too. It's OK to be pissed off. -DG

What:
Gus Van Sant movie night

Where:
The Reading Room, 153 Hindley St, City

When:
Sat Sep 11, 7pm

How Much:
Gold coin donation

You know Gus Van Sant right? Started as a TV ads man but has since been responsible for some of the finest modern American arthouse, touching on themes of homosexuality and marginalized sub-cultures, think Drugstore Cowboy and My Own Private Idaho, and occasionally tipping subversively into the mainstream. You could just sit on your couch at home and have a Gus marathon, but where's the fun in that? Go to The Reading Room, your couch in the city, and get started with Milk and Paranoid Park. -DG

What:
OzAsia OnScreen

Where:
Mercury Cinema, 13 Morphett St, Adelaide

When:
Wed Sep 15 - Oct 2

How Much:
$12/$10

We love the Mercury. Along with Palace Nova they are giving us good indie cinema every week. They just screened that blissful feel good film The Human Centipede (recommended for families), and right now they have The Most Dangerous Man in America for all you Nixon haters (who isn't?). This week they launch OzAsia. You can work it out. Screen culture from all over the Asia Pacific region. -DG 

If your wallet could tell you its backstory, it would probably say, 'a bunch of poorly-paid foreigners sewed me together in a factory'. BORE-ING!

I Ran The Wrong Way's wallets led exciting former lives, as outdoor furniture, leather couches, and inner tubes. They even have one made out of a leather Polish police uniform. Awesome!

I Ran The Wrong Way specialise in ethical, sustainable, fair trade and handmade products. They recently started trading online, so now you can purchase nicely designed, earth friendly products without ever leaving the couch (ya lazy bastard).

To celebrate the launch of their "online shoppe", I Ran The Wrong Way have given us an Inner Tube to give away. To enter, just answer the following question:

I wish they'd make a wallet out of:

a) a merkin

b) an old S&M mask

c) Pope Benedict XVI's robe

d) these two

To be in the running send your answer AND postal address to win@fivethousand.com.au, winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry. Not a subscriber? It's free you willies! Sign up here.