Campbells Cash and Carry

· Wednesday February 9, 2011

A dusty hot breeze caresses the corrugated iron roofs. Tightly curled mullets hover above standard issue navy polo shirts. As I enter the industrial heart of Adelaide's west side, my faded green retro bicycle creaks and you - the reader - grow bored of my flowery scene-setting intro. Last week I went to Campbells Cash and Carry. If you've ever wanted anything in bulk (Neapolitan icecream, Yo-yo biscuits, Redbull) this is the place to go. I was after a bulk quantity of grey, PVC duct tape.

Campbells Cash and Carry is overwhelming. It's kind of like Monstromart - where shopping is a baffling ordeal. The shelves are three or four times your height. The shopping trolleys are industrial. This is why it is important not to fall into traps for young players like I did.

Things to know:

1) Don't ride your bike there. Apart from the fact there was a heat wave on when I rode there, you can't buy bulk if you're trying to fit it all in your bike basket.

2) Bring your ABN. It is not very hard to get an ABN. You can do it on the internets.

3) Don't forget to bulk buy all the essentials; condoms, Zooper-doopers, toilet paper and Pepsi.