The Thousands

If you’ve ever felt lost trying to pick out a wine for dinner, you should really invest in a wine tour. While the idea of a bus load of screeching, tipsy girls may not be appealing to everyone, you will at least come back armed with a new word bank of terms like "rich in tannins" and several bottles of delicious local wines. And by the end of the day you’ll have mastered that swilling technique.

Alfie’s Wine Tours do a day trip in the Clare Valley, The Barossa, McLaren Vale or the Adelaide Hills for around $70 a head. Alfie is your driver, a man who has driven around paro bitches for nearly seven years in his big yellow bus. He clearly specialises in hen’s nights, given the inappropriate jokes he often makes. While driving to the first winery we were presented with a sheet of ‘Wine Tips’ that ended with the phrase: "Now the only question is, spit or swallow?". Ew, Alfie!

The tour starts an all day thing, with visits to five wineries and lunch included. You can try nearly forty wines, all the while gazing over the beautiful meadows of McLaren Flat, and then buy them direct from the cellar door for a cheap price. The Cab Sav blend I brought home was a real winner with the roast lamb. Thanks Alfie.