The Thousands

What’s this? It’s an artificial lawn picnic! Let’s get back to nature!

Sure it’s green, but is it…green?

There is nothing quite like heading out for an artificial lawn picnic on a hot summer’s day in the driest state on Earth (apparently so – someone said it once I swear), laying down the picnic blanket onto the spikier-than-Johnny-Rotten phony turf and feeling that oh-so-real lawn gently massaging your ass like Sven’s sandals  massage your feet. As you place your cup of earl grey back to its saucer it stands aloft an inch above the ‘ground’ – I say ‘ground’ but really it’s plastic foliage covered carpet – for the easiest and smoothest of saucer pick ups.

Aesthetically though… is it the solarium tan of landscaping? Greening (browning) up earth (skin) that is meant to be a different shade (natural)?

Sure, it’s a little ugly, and kinda superficial like Barbie, but this stuff conserves water and is porous enough to let the rain go through to where it belongs… so yep, it’s quite weird to touch, strange to look at, and oh so phony, but artificial lawn is two times green. Now, who’s for croquet?