The Thousands

Those Gen X moustached fellas and Farrah-flicked sheilas of Don’s Party knew how to do it. Hard liquor, sleaze, and disillusionment were the core ingredients of an awesome election night party. So in an election campaign that’s been boring as batshit, we need something to get us in the mood for ‘democracy at work’.

While Anthony Green’s ‘once every three years’ orgasm of statistics might not be enough to get things going, you bet there’s some things that can. A swig of beer and an inapropriate come-on every time Hawke swaggers onto screen! A shot of tequila for every reference to working families that’s uttered! A hard scotch for every time Julie Bishop does the death stare.

But why stop at booze? A tongue party with your favourite same-sex friend every time you hear marriage is only between a man and a woman! A download of porn every time Steven Conroy talks filters! Oh, the endless possibilities. Get the liquor, turn on your media of choice, and put the ‘swinging’ back into swinging voter.