The Thousands

I have always had a pretty hard time with most zoos – lions pacing back and forth looking pretty peed off, more fences than open air, and those spoilt and boring pandas get refrigerated rocks, bamboo flavoured icey poles, and poon tang on tap that they are always ‘too tired’ for. All the while the dudest of all African animal dudes – the hippopotamus – gets a pond that resembles more the Brickworks bumper-boat pool than a sub-Saharan oasis. So, to sort this sadness out I stood up to my demons and said “flllegggum” and went to the… zoo.

However, this time I went up the freeway to Monarto Zoo and it felt a lot like that moment in that dank mess called Garden State when they stood in the rain and yelled into that big hole. I’m not sure what it was but I am fairly sure I was feeling good emotions, possibly relief. My friends said stuff like, “BEST DAY EVA”.

The giraffes had hectares of space that they shared with humungous ostriches (way cooler than emus, by the way) and other horned creatures in a pretty valley that even had a lake. It was funny watching them trying to drink, it was so difficult for those lanky dorks but they seemed happy for the stretch. The cheetahs were like pet dogs, they even sat on command just like Ubu! The meerkats were their usual uptight but charming and attentive selves. And there was a cafeteria full of Frozen Coke, flat whites and sausage rolls. For something like $30 you could walk around just about anywhere except near the lions and jump on and off unlimited Zu-loop shuttle buses with humorous semi-literate tour guides. Total bargain – I didn’t think restoring my faith in zoos would come so cheap.