The Thousands

There are a lot of things that get pooh-poohed by snobby yuppies and motorcycling is often one of them. It’s kinda understandable. There isn’t much worse than a fluoro-vested dude on a girls mountain bike converted into a rocket flying past your BMW X5 on Portrush Road. How infuriating! Plus there’s bikers with shotguns. Or ‘young men’ on their noisy racers. Or potentially being squished by a truck. Carnage. Et cetera. But here is the some truth: the other day I saw a Pomeranian on the back of a motorcycle and I’m pretty sure the little guy was smiling at me and had his lipstick out. So, think before for you pooh-pooh, people. It’s actually heaps of fun.

For me it all began when I found Winners Take All in the weeklies featuring the scrummy Don Michael Paul when I was age 10. I wanted to be ‘Rick Rick Rick Rick Melon Melon Melon Melon’ (imagine that as an echoey crowd chant) so bad. He ended up with Judy McCormick and she was an 80s sex fox. Ever since then I wanted to ride a motorbike so I finally went to a learners course the other week.

Now the truth is, motorcycling is sometimes dangerous and there are people out there that go for their Ls even though they can barely balance on one leg and don’t know how to ride a push bike or even drive a car. Plus there’s the disdain you’ll get from other road users. Therefore, learning is actually important. You’ll probably die otherwise. They teach you how to start a bike. Ride a bike. Ride in circles. Start and stop. That kind of stuff. All vital for avoiding carnage. So, give it a shot. Live your life. That kind of thing.