The Thousands

We be packing the hits this week! Vintage Kitchen and Closet, Melancholia, Hipstermattic and MYO bagels, and The Scrapes. Speaking of which, damn it's a weekend for gigs! Melbourne may be having themselves an official music week but never fear Brisbane, we're laying it all OUT for you.

Cover shot by Maja Baska. Be ogled at all over the internets like Maja by sending us your covershots.

Hipsterdom is so subjective. In a world where one person’s trend-setter is another person’s vagrant, how do we make sense of it all? Traversing those rocky slopes and more, Brisbane author Matt Granfield’s quest is simple, to discover himself. HipsterMattic is an anecdotal reflection on his journey to become 'The Ultimate Hipster'.

Matt thinks taking on the exaggerated characteristics of a 'hipster' and becoming a caricature of himself is some sort of path to ultimate self expression and oh, he’s also trying to impress a lady. Cliche, yes, but nonetheless a time-proven start to a good story.

Earnest (if not a little obnoxious) and splattered with a healthy dose of self-deprecation, Matt’s take on the hipster is refreshingly, well, hip. With chapters like Trixie the Fixie, I Drink So Much Coffee I Get High and Vegetarianism, he touches on everything we’ve come to associate with the 'h' word. It has kind of been done to death but it's still fun to read about the things we love to hate. Like any good humour, it takes social truths and spins them into a charming tale of endless hope and hopeless defeat.

The finale is pretty good too. He doesn’t wake to find it was all a dream, and there is no lightbulb moment, but instead Matt slowly becomes privy to the reality check we all saw coming, “you’re not a fucking hipster.” I don’t care what you are though, Matt, you’re smart and kinda funny.

It’s always a difficult task trying to categorise local duo The Scrapes. 'Psychedelic', 'Cinematic', 'Ambient', 'Experimental', 'Orchestral', 'Apocalyptic' are all adjectives that the fine folks of the world wide web have used to try and pinpoint their sound.

While all of these terms encompass on some level the sonic landscape weavings of guitarist Ryan Potter and violinist Adam Cadell, there’s something deeply fruitful and fresh that can't be categorized on their latest release Kali Yuga Sunrise. Far more rhythmic (like the sound of a hundred sewing machines in an Indian sweat shop) than The Scrapes' 2010 release, Electric Mourning Blues, and much more mature and encapsulating, it’s almost like Ryan and Adam are creating the soundtrack to a British-Indian regimental experience rather than the tales of Brisbane.

Technically this is a perfect record. Its use of dynamics and looping completely cloud the outside world, like they’re creating a pocket of stories from the Dharavi Slums in Mumbai within each song. I’m finding it extremely hard to write a review about Kali Yuga Sunrise without delving into some sort of pretentious bullshit using forty adjectives per sentence to try and explain the world that Ryan and Adam have created within their record. They’re a difficult band to pin down, and now I’m starting to sympathise with others who have tried.

The question that is basically on Mark Alsweiler and Max Berry's lips is 'what is man?' Don't get me wrong, they're not exploring notions of the Old Spice comeback or existential angst, rather they're asking the question: where has fighting for your right (whether it be to party, or to feel a sense that there's some magic in the world) gone?

The exhibition the two have been preparing for, All Things Lost, involves the laborious 'everyday' through surreal moments and diversions. New Zealand artist Mark Alsweiler, through a lens of optimistic darkness (crows, bandits, skulls, lone warriors, nature) is showing folk-like wooden sculptures that make you yearn for Mexico and acrylic paintings, which he paints when he's not busy making work for RVCA.

Max Berry's work leaves you ruminating over the invisible spaces between self and landscape, a Caspar David Friedrich with a tinge of modern magic. All things are not lost when there's still mystery in the world.

Hey DIYers! Instead of waking up at 3am to bid on eBay for that overpriced vintage guitar effects pedal, why not have a crack at making your own? Impossible? Nope just read on!

Having myself not soldered (soddered if you’re American) a piece of metal since high school, let me tell you that all you need to get by is a pedal kit from Build Your Own Clone and the occasional online tutorial. Actually you better add to that list a decent soldering iron as things can end up a bit like doing surgery with a stick of butter otherwise.

A few hours and probably half a litre of Brisbane summer sweat later and you should successfully have cloned your first pedal. Even if the pedal's circuit board looks more like a used cheese grater than a refined piece of sonic technology the sound should be just right.

With BYOC claiming to have the world's finest DIY kits, the verdict on my own attempt at the Scrambled Octave Pedal for the tech-heads out there is that it was easy to assemble and gives a damn nice fuzzy tone, with enough levels of controllable octave to create something nice and freaky. Well worth having a go if you want to keep an eye on the beer fund and sleep through that eBay auction alarm.

I feel strongly that Lars von Trier is fucked in the head and that we should condemn his films’ glorying in women’s psychological (and sometimes physical) suffering. But Melancholia surprised me with its romanticism… albeit the sublime kind tinged with suffocating dread. It’s an intimately powerful film that imagines the end of the world with tenderness rather than bombast.

Its disquieting, slo-mo prologue of apocalyptic imagery feels like video art. Like a nihilistic companion piece to Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life, it’s set to the prelude from Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde. This music recurs almost obsessively, coming to represent the florid inertia of sisters Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg).

Severely depressed Justine fails to keep her shit together at her wedding to gormless Michael (Alexander Skarsgard) at the country estate of Claire and her husband John (Kiefer Sutherland). Some months later, almost catatonic, Claire returns to the house as an undiscovered planet named Melancholia collides catastrophically with Earth.

The sisters’ terrifying mum (Charlotte Rampling) abhors the sentimental rituals Claire cherishes. But Justine’s more atavistic rituals – baths; nude moonbathing as the planet encroaches; constructing a ‘magic cave’ with her small nephew – provide solace at the last.

This may be the only café in Australia with a fully functioning Sega Megadrive available to its clientele, (exciting prospect, even if you are a loyal Nintendo fan). Not only that, but after you finish your game of pro tennis 94 and coffee (a good one) you can purchase the table at which you are seated.

Stores whose aesthetics tug on our nostalgic sentiments are nothing new, but Vintage Kitchen And Vintage Closet is a spacious café with the stepped upper level bearing two racks and one table of reasonably priced clothing, movie posters, art and a multitude of charming vintage knick knacks. They also serve hearty food along with sweet cafe fare like Pashka and Nougat for breakfast and lunch, and have live music accompanied dinners on Friday and Saturday nights.

In the single bathroom, above a bunch of brown paper lunch bags, a sign reads something like the following “Please place sanitary waste in one of the bags below and in the bin as our ‘vintage’ water pipes can’t handle it”. Either this is an overt attempt at securing the pledged allegiance of a target market, or a piece of humorous self-awareness. I’m going to go with the latter.

Guys, we had a great bagel joke, but it had a hole in it (ba-boom-ch, we'll be here all evening). On a slightly more serious note, the lack of bagels near my person (and the price of bread) has inspired us to start making our own bagels for lunch.

Admittedly, we're not New York, and we don't want to get pregnant (legend has it that bagels were originally gifts to women who'd just given birth) but there's nothing like a small bit of dense dough to keep our carb levels up.

Pack them for lunch, pack them for breakfast, recommend not to eat them on the run, and we guarantee that they won't get soggy like your everyday sandwich. We think the boiling has something to do with them being water resistant. You could go with traditional toppings like cream cheese, salmon, capers and rocket, or get more inventive with your peanut butter and banana. They might take a while to make, but they'll last you a good few days. Not suitable for glutenphobes! Here's how to make them:
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There are plenty of reasons to celebrate bikes that don’t involve lycra. No listing them all here, but shall we at least recognise that whoever coined the phrase, “heroes wear helmets” probably didn’t see how significant the humble biker would come to be thanks to global warming. Brisbane Bike Fest ain't no hippy convention though, it’s a weekend of fun (with or without groin sweat) for lovers of wheeling free.

Starting with the dry festivities, make the mountain climb to Substation No. 4 on Thursday for ‘Bi’ an art exhibition of classic cycling poster reinterpretations. On Friday night roll straight down the road to The Barracks for Lights, Camera, Roll, a collection of national and international bike-related short films and one of its kind for Brisbane, then on Saturday rise early for River Loop: you guessed it, a cycle around the river.

If you haven’t punctured enough tires, on Saturday night there’ll be an outdoor screening of mountain bike film Life Cycles, which tells the story of the life of a bicycle. Don't worry though, it won't be anything like Premium Rush. What was Levitt thinking? Get on your bike this weekend, though maybe leave the lycra at home.

If you’re longing for the days when guitarists weren’t all about down strokes head to the Bridge Club to celebrate 30 years of Flying Nun Records. As if giving us The Clean, The Bats and The Chills wasn't enough, you can also indirectly thank Flying Nun for this I Heart Hiroshima track, and the The Jandals, Brisbane’s very own Flying Nun covers band. The night will also feature live performances by Future Shocks, Tight Slip and a solo performance by Matt from Kitchens Floor.

The thing about new ARIs is that they're elusive as all hell. Did you know the second half of that saying 'curiosity killed the cat' is 'but satisfaction made it come back'? Sometimes ARIs run on this principle. The new ARI on the street is Current Projects, and the first exhibition is a one hour 'happening' occuring in New Farm Park, where Courtney Coombs and Brooke Ferguson will explore notions of wading out into the river through jagged rocks, the tides and time. We recommend leaving your togs at home.

HTRK (pronounce it 'hate rock' so you don't look like a douche in front of your friends) are here to teach you how sensual synth-rock works. This is bedroom music for outside the bedroom. The film clip for Synthetik really gets our goat (don't worry, we're not goat-sacrificing goths). Head along early to see Lakes from Melbourne, the last Brisbane show for Secret Birds who are moving interstate, and Nite Fields, who will all be doing audio and visual shows on the night.

Steven Amsterdam's last book, The Things We Didn't See Coming was a playful account of dystopia / fear set in suburbia, with a sort of pop-lit vibe. His new book, What The Family Needed presumably takes a similar approach in style, and talks about hilarious human folly through the veil of superpowers. Check out his website where you can choose your own superpower (and perhaps make them come true by believing them like a regular Uri Geller)! To meet the man and join in the conversation with three emerging writers, head to Avid Reader - all a family needs sometimes is superpowers.

Spending one solid year in a room with (insert number of graduates here) will-be fashion designers can truly test the limits of friendship, but the young fashionable louts that are graduating from QUT end up proving less bitchy than your average Project Runway contestant, and design with a little more concerted flair. To spot the next Valentino, catch the works of Clea Prentice, Angela Jhang, Sally Edwards and countless more for a runway extravaganza. If you're too cheap to support the locals, catch it on the big screen outside. Wear your best.

Having been crooned to sleep as little ones by the Bob Marley himself, the Marley family know good sound. In an effort to carry on the still-relevant, ever-simplistic mantra of 'One Love' they're keeping the spirit of their old man alive, creating a 'movement' in the way of headphones and speakers.

All the products at The House Of Marley have been crafted using the sounds of reggae as a starting point. In short, the bass on these things is out-of-control, without a trace of even the slightest distortion. They've worked on the high pitches, too, for clean sound on either end of the sonic spectrum. Aesthetically they're about as far away from the heinous futuristic get-up you might see chumps sporting on the bus. These are very simple black and brown leather, recyclable, with a tangle-free cord and plenty of other techno-jargon-filled features you can smile-and-nod about too.

Backing up the earthy aesthetics, the Marley family use only reusable or renewable materials to make and package their products. It's times like these the glass feels half full.

You can buy Marley Headphones from these stockists or if you're lucky you can win the pair of Exodus Headphones we are giving away! Over-the-ear design, 20Hz-20+kHz frequency response for clear sound reproduction, a 40-millimeter dynamic moving coil speaker drive for sound reinforcement and integrated three-button Apple controls compatible with iPod and iPhone - RRP $149.95. To enter, just answer the following question. (Warning: We've rigged it so that this kid can win).