The Thousands

We’re kidnapping you and whisking you off to our party. You’ll get sustainable fish and chips, muddled up verbs, Matisse merch and more. If the confines bring us too close, it’s okay to get Stockholm Syndrome.

This week's covershot comes courtesy of Aëla Labbé. Be a total babe like Aëla by sending us your covershots and funny jokes.

Someone dug up Jack Kerouac’s unpublished first novel, bundled it up with Kerouac miscellany and sent it to the printers. It’s called The Sea is My Brother and it follows two Kerouac-ish men who go on a Kerouac-ish adventure. This time, it’s on a boat!

You know exactly what you’re getting into here: drink, smoke, sex, jazz, pretentious conversations and unusually close male friendships. Feel free to substitute On The Road’s free spirit Dean Moriarty for free spirit Wesley Martin; his man-crush sidekick Sal Paradise for man-crush sidekick Bill Everhart. But the content hardly matters here. Kerouac’s draw card is the jazzy energy that bubbles underneath his sentences. There is enough verve here to enliven the otherwise turgid debates about socialism and fascism, idealism and realism. I think it has something to do with the liberal use of commas.

While The Sea is My Brother still hums with Kerouac’s syncopated prose, it comes across as sloppy – the literary equivalent of a demo tape. The rhythm is there but Kerouac occasionally hits a wrong note, straying off key with spots of dag and pretense. See it as a milestone in the life of an author who eventually matured and went on to write more or less the same shit.

This is going to be the easiest review ever written. There’s not a single need to intellectualise Blank Realm’s latest 7” because it just sounds good. Simple as that! Shit, still 150 words to read while you stream it here.

If you’re not yet discretely dancing to ‘Falling Down The Stairs’ and think I’m hyping this record because Blank Realm are some of the nicest dudes in Brisbane’s music scene, then think again. These guys have learnt pop. Gone is the drone from previous releases and in place a formula that will appeal to more than noise kids who already hold Blank Realm in such high esteem – verse, chorus, verse, chorus. It's a song for everyone.

Making these two tracks even more accessible is the hi-fidelity recordings, and the brightness of guitarist Luke’s twelve-string and synth player Sarah’s melodies now really ‘shining’ through the mix. That’s not even a pun about this being an essential summer record.

A friend of mine recently tried to download a Hollywood film for research purposes and the file that was contained therein was in fact, Enemy Of The State - that Will Smith / Gene Hackman film influenced by Foucault's theory of the Panopticon as metaphor for pervasive surveillance. This made said friend very nervous. The CIA were reading her thoughts. This theory of surveillance and the prison system is being applied to the art on show at Confines, a group exhibition whose first installation was set in Just Us' Sunshine Coast gallery space - the old courthouse in Maroochydore.

The artists all had to keep their work to a confined space - all the better for surveilling, right? Just Us Gallery's Brisbane incarnation isn't exactly comparable to a panapticon, but if you want to catch what Foucault or the fifteen artists in this show are throwing, make sure you head along to see the works of Craig Rochfort, Claudio Kirac, Scott Toepfer, Amy Longworth, the aptly named Stagger Lee and many more. Most of these artists make work about 'the street' and are most likely to take CCTV seriously. Maybe all art is just surveillance, right?

The idea that one person can make a change seems like an Oprah concept. Take an idea, get it off the ground, throw in some guests receiving payment in the form of Oprah’s famous hand hugs and it seems like the problem could be solved single Oprah-handedly. Or Tyra-handedly (what a world-changer). As much as we like to think we can go out and change the world, the sentiment only seems to last the length of a thirty second ad spot.

For Adele Turner, it lasted a little longer. While completing part of her Fine Arts (Fashion) degree in India, 2011 QUT graduate Adele channelled her compassion into action by using her business and fashion skills to start ‘Verb: Doing Something’. The result is a classic sleek leather bag, outsourced for production to a small community of workers in Rajasthan, where fair trade wages and safe working conditions are guaranteed. Each bag is lined with not only the Verb story, but also a profile on the resident craftsman. It's the next best thing to locally made.

The Verb story is bigger than just the bag. Adele is empowering the people of Rajasthan with a set of tools and skills to help them overcome poverty. It’s a full circle moment people, the kind that would get Oprah yelling out your name.

With the success of Shut Up Little Man, which screened at Sundance, Sheffield and Edinburgh, Closer Productions now know what the jackpot looks like and they hit it pretty hard. Their newly released box set contains five beauties which demonstrate that as much as we all love to say 'Australian cinema is down the gurgle-hole,' we must choose our examples carefully.

The documentary The Mystery of Flying Kicks is one of the best-made documentaries I have seen in a while. The worldwide phenomenon of the sneakers dangling over the powerline is questioned and interpreted by folk all over the world – the filmmakers set up a hotline which they invited people to call and leave messages about dangling shoes on. The result? A sweet celebration of a worldwide mystery which everyone knows of but no one understands.

My Last Ten Hours With You, directed by the talented Sophie Hyde, is the story of two lovers, Jeremy and Mark, who are spending their last night together before parting ways early in the morning. Remembering, fighting, loving – the short film is a bittersweet tribute to the fleeting moments that meant more than we ever realised.

This box set also contains the beauties Stunt Love, the story of the original stunt couple J.P. McGowan and Helen Holmes, Elephantiasis about a woman and her relationship with all things elephant, and Necessary Games, a gorgeous triptych of dance films. Closer have evolved into a force to be reckoned with, and this set of films explains exactly why.

Five years of groundbreaking exhibitions, engaging public programs and celebrations of avant-garde cinema? More like five years of awesome gift shopping! We’ve come to expect a lot from GoMA’s little pockets of pop-up heaven and thank the Christmas stars that their latest temporary retailer does not disappoint.

I broke the rules a little here and visited the gift shop before I viewed the Matisse show - a very telling statement of what my life has become post university. In true GoMA style, the interplay between art and the merch is pretty great. The shop itself has installations (big tick for the use of cloches, Visual Merchandiser). There is a definite DIY-theme with mini easels, conte sticks, sketchbooks and roller pens that clip to your Moleskine, taking pride of place.

Take a peek back into the neighbouring Drawing Room and get inspired. There are the usual themed magnets and erasers and then there are things we’ve never seen before, like body milk from the Mediterranean (a little left of field, but damn those bottles look good under cloches).

My pick? PostCardens. I love these flat packs of greenery all the way to provincial France and back.

If you’re flabbergasted by why someone would open a fish and chip shop in health conscious 2011, take a deep breath. Richard Webb’s latest venture, Swampdog, wants to change the way you eat fish and chips.

In reality the menu is such a school of tasty marine delicacies that you’ll order tempura prawns and an Asian salad over fish and chips anyway. It sort of defeats their ‘change the way you eat fish and chips’ motto, but maybe that’s just the point? Having chefs in a fish and chip shop is always going to make things a little interesting and with items on the menu including Barra burgers and spicy Mackerel wraps alike, there’s still going to be something here to appeal to both John Citzens and Jamie Olivers.

There’s nothing corner-shop slap about Richard’s focus on sustainability either. The fish used is as local as possible, the packaging is mostly biodegradable paper or bamboo, and the Australian Marine Conservation Society has even officiated the menu. In this green-washed era, it’s easy to be cynical of such stamps of approval, but when Richard opens his mouth to talk trout prepare for some mind expansion. This dude is passionate about the under(water)world!

We all know premium can be pricey, so if you’re looking for a fiver of frozen South-East Asian cod and Home Brand chips, there are plenty of stodgy options available just around the corner. Saying that, prices are adequate for the product here. If value is something you are looking for though, keep in mind there’s complimentary homemade lemonade to sweeten the deal.

It's the end of the year and we're celebrating 12 Inches of Christmas. Don't get all 'innuendo' on us.

The idea is that you bring a 12 inch (or 7" - they're much easier to carry) and we DJ. You dance, and we DJ. You dress for success, we DJ (we've got good faces for radio). You drink Bulmers and other delicious brews and cocktails at The Hideaway, we DJ. And eventually start dancing like Assange in a Run DMC setting. Prizes from The Outpost and Bon Voyage Records for best dressed and worst record respectively. We're also shouting you some bar snacks to keep you from falling down the stairs.

If we see one of you cheeky buggers with a Linda Ronstadt record just to win the prize, we're going to get Krampus on to you. Jokes. But we're looking forward to seeing the records you raid from your parents' collections like stealing liquor from the liquor cabinet, sans any Ronstadt.

If you get stuck, there's always Egg, Rockinghorse or Jet Black Cat to pick up a 7" of your favourite vinyl hits. No vinyl, no entry! Unless you've got a really elaborate fictional story that seems feasible. No, the dog didn't eat your record.

If you too believe in love, kid, head along to Oh Ye Denver Birds' last show of the year. Rumour has it they're going to do another one of their infamous covers (watch their Dre cover here) on the night. Joined by Cub Scouts with a similarly tropical melodic vibe and Archdukes. Make sure you practice your dance moves that mimic swim strokes, you'll feel like you're in water at this show.

If there's one dude that knows how to swing it's this guy. What a killer sign off LoFly are having with not only the party topping Italo-Disco maestro, Donyy Benet but also local shebang starters Boss Fight (don't mention dubstep), the electro oddities from Dot.Ay and 2011 hip-hop from M. O'Neill. No wonder LoFly have left the Hangar. This one's going to be too big of a mess to clean up.

I'm hoping we all know that Songs rule. The eclectic bunch of fun-timers with resumes reading 'photographing for international fashion magazines' and 'bush babe-cum-model' that come together to play no-wavish punky pop for the good of humanity are coming back to Brisbane, and it's never been less than a big party. Their music feels like having a cheeky nap on a rollercoaster in St. Tropez. Decadent and rich, but humble and dreamy. Heavy as air.

If Sundays to you mean kicking back with a little hair of the dog, a few yarns and some vintage goods, Enoggera Terrace Bazaar will satiate your desires. Turning the Ithaca Hall into a marketplace sounds like a task, but as previous bazaars have proved, there's a relaxing method in the madness of records, clothes, art and jewellery. Sing along to your favourite vintage record and drink some vintage red, get a little 'how bazaar' and don some vintage cloth.

All this slavishly baking fruit cake while my 'better half' watches The Project got me thinking about my social position as a young female. Then I had a glass of brandy and loosened the hell up. But you know what they say - tis' the season to be mindful of gender stereotypes. Get along to the launch of eFEMeral Issue 2 for a crash course in feminist politics, art and culture. It's the thinking woman's Christmas party.

Until now there have been only two kinds of wine racks: The oak wood kind your dad bought after watching Sideways. And the novelty kind, where the wine bottle morphs into a phallus (cue Italian waiter statue trying to carry his larger-than-life Pinot). No one had even considered the plight of cyclists. Cyclists who are trying to fulfill their dinner guest duties, riding down Boundary St like a Vin Diesel wannabe with one hand steering the bike, the other carrying a bottle of vino. It took so long to remedy this OH&S nightmare, but finally the solution is here: The Bicycle Wine Rack.

This new wine rack genus is hand made in Montreal by Oopsmark and, if you value living, it's the only way you can safely transport wine while cycling. It attaches to any 1" bike frame, securely clamps closed with an antique brass fastener and can adjust to fit various 3" bottles. You'd expect such a creation to look similar to the head gear contraption you wore in year seven, but instead it's made of olive oil-treated vegetable-tanned leather. The same ingredients Jerry Hall lathered onto her pregnant stomach in the '80s - so you know, it will age beautifully.

And guess what you peddlers? Our favourite Australian online bike accessories shop CycleStyle is their newest stockist. Order one here! Or try your luck as follows. Thanks to CycleStyle we have one bicycle wine rack to give away. To enter, just answer the following question.