Perfect smashed avo on toast
Tuesday October 18, 2016·
You will need
2 slices of organic seeded sourdough
Meredith's goat cheese
Salt and pepper
Toast your organic seeded sourdough until it's golden brown.
Use a fork to mash up your avo, goat cheese, mint and lemon.
Spread your avo-smash mix generously, season with the salt and pepper, and garnish with mint.
Enjoy your cost-effective treat in the peace, quiet and comfort of your own home. Well, it's not technically your home but anyway…
Go get a jumper (the nice 100% cotton one you bought on sale). It will cocoon you from the unseasonable cold that's seeping through the holes in the walls and ruining your lunchtime reverie. There's no insulation and if you plug in the heater the wiring makes this unsettling buzzing sound. So far your housemate's efforts to get the property manager to fix this obvious fire hazard have gotten them nowhere. There seems to be this unspoken understanding that property neglect is an acceptable trade-off for affordable rent in the inner-suburbs. If you get evicted again you will go through months of hellish inspections and disappointment. Best not to kick up too much of a fuss.
Use this rare moment of solitude and reflection (away from the hustle and bustle of your favourite hipster cafe) to think about your life choices: you are 30 years old. As the Editor for Melbourne's oldest and greatest online city guide you have gone as far as you can go in your chosen field. Despite your genetic luck, hard work and success you will never own a home. Right now it doesn't even look like you'll ever earn enough money to start paying off your student debt.
Use the $22 you saved not eating at your favourite hipster cafe to buy some strong sativa weed (it costs slightly more than the indica but, hey, you deserve it).
Get really fucking high.
Get so mind-achingly high you get paranoid. Maybe by smoking all this pot you're just buying into a totally bogus, regurgitated version of counterculture that was invented by the same baby boomers who now control the property market and feel entitled to Howard's negative gearing policy because… why is that exactly? Because Whitlam gave them a free education? Because they've squandered the resources boom? Because, under their leadership, the Earth is finally going to fucking drown??
Realise that maybe you're not so different. Maybe part of the reason that you feel so angry about the housing market is that you too consider the The Great Australian Dream to be some kind of birthright. You are hurtling towards an uncertain future. The scariest part of it is that you yourself might wake up one day as just another tiresome old white guy yelling about the latest version of hipness.
Resistance is useless. Listen to Pink Floyd until you get the munchies.
Go to your favourite hipster cafe and satisfy your munchies with another serve of smashed avo on toast (this one has walnuts). Complete the picture with a freshly squeezed orange juice and a long black.