Save your celery from the inevitable

· Thursday September 8, 2016

Lets face it, when you buy celery most of it inevitably is not used and ends up as discoloured limp detritus you end up having to chuck out of your crisper draw every month. Along with this being a waste of money it leaves you feeling like a bit of a first-world shithead. To alleviate these scumbag feelings I decided to try a few things you can put in celery’s convenient cleft to save it from the bin. After searching through many food message boards and comment sections I created a shortlist of things people were putting on their celery. These range from tried-and-true classics to things that make you realise you will never fully understand humanity.


Peanut Butter and Raisins (Ants On A Log)


Within moments of popping this one in my gob it became clear why this is regarded as a stone cold classic. The peanut butter and celery compliment each other perfectly both texturally and flavour-wise. The crowning touch of the raisins provide a delightful note of sweetness that ties everything together.

Cream Cheese and Dill


Also a classic and a light flavoured alternative to the Ants On A Log. Although this is something you would have as an appetiser rather than a snack onto itself, but still a top-notch addition to celery.

Blue Cheese


Although blue cheese in itself is quite divisive this worked quite well on celery. However, it does have one flaw; you kinda just wish the cheese was on a cracker. The celery is haunted by the cheeses traditional counterpart. When you bite down on the celery you’re racked with guilt as you close your eyes and try to imagine the dry and brittle caress of a water cracker. Regardless, celery and blue cheese is not a bad combo.

Goats Cheese


I feel like this should have at least been as good as the blue cheese, however the watery-ness of the celery created both a soapy texture and taste. Pretty off-putting stuff, would steer clear of this one.

Mascarpone and Strawberry


This is definitely the sweet tooth’s celery topping of choice and turned out to be more delicious than anticipated. And, for what its worth, might be the most visually appealing in a Kellogg’s Just Right commercial kind of a way.



When it comes to putting things on celery, texture is everything. This is because whatever you put on the celery ends up being exposed to a lot of moisture. Combined with the celery, the liverwurst takes on an unpleasant soggy and fleshy texture. Definitely not the best, but unfortunately for us, was not the wurst (sorry, had to do it).



Even lighter than the cream cheese and provides a slightly more interesting and complex accompaniment to the flavour of the celery. Probably something better consumed in controlled dips rather than spreading, but otherwise was one my faves.



Not a bad pairing with the celery but unfortunately, like the blue cheese, works rather to highlight the absence of bread.




In my research I only saw this suggested once but my patriotic side got the better of me and I had to include it. It didn’t work. The flavours were far too disparate. To me it was the flavour equivalent of trying to force two negative ends of two magnets together. Truth be told, for me Vegemite doesn’t really work outside the context of being thinly spread over toast accompanied by almost slightly more butter.

Miso Paste

To be honest I knew this one wasn’t going to work, but having seen this suggested numerous times curiosity got the better of me and had to give it a shot. It’s terrible. I am at a loss to why people put themselves through this.

With all this being said there are plenty of other ways one can make use of their celery; you can make stock with it, pickle it, use it to make soup or just get in the habit of making Bloody Mary’s more often. Something that particularly caught my eye was that you can use it to make Celery Soda.