The Thousands

Now I know that diverging from your native vernacular can be good for mind, body and soul. But if I invest my time and money in this, what exactly will the payoff be? According to one website, learning a new language can help you find your future husband/wife by ‘increasing the size of your selection pool’. But this is the clincher: ‘If you and some of your relatives, friends or colleagues speak a language that few people understand, you can talk freely in public without fear of anyone eavesdropping’. God knows what secrets the bilingual baby or the dudes at Agencia Loco have been keeping from us.

Now is as good a time as any to quit poring over Sanskrit, toss the high school French dictionary and start learning some real dialect. Brisbane’s Institute of Modern Languages offer left-of-fielders like Arabic, Portuguese, Finnish, Hindi, Gaelic, Polish and Swahili plus all your stock-standard tongues like Spanish, Italian and Mandarin.

Courses run year round and cater for everyone – from summer intensives (a quick fix if you’re planning a Eurotrip) to revision (if you studied in high school, for e.g.), level one (for the absolute beginner) and short courses for those just wanting to dabble (maybe to impress a lady friend by the time Valentines rolls round?). Best of all, seen as they are imbuing you with special secret code powers and all, it’s really more affordable than you would expect.