The Thousands

I was falsely accused of a crazy crime involving a nasty Tiger Airways check-in attendant. I was locked up, charged, bailed…the whole shemozzle. Eventually my case got dismissed. I experienced injustice, so being a final-year science and law student, I’ve joined a volunteer program. We visit maximum security prisons, educating inmates about their rights.

What’s maximum security like? At this major prison, the breeze blows from Werribee sewerage farm. Leave your car in the staff carpark, because the visitors’ carpark gets raided by thieves visiting their mates inside. Don’t make eye contact with the Alsatians. If you’re allowed inside, your eyes get scanned by an iris scanner. You stand inside a spectrometer that detects heroin, meth, cocaine and cannabis. You surrender your Vegemite (because Vegemite contains yeast, which makes alcohol). No phones, no keys, no money, no metal-tipped pens. No jewellery (sorry Off Ya Tree employees, you won’t get inside).

Ladies must dress modestly. Some of the guards resemble Chopper. Cameras everywhere. They removed the pool table because a guard got beaten with a cue. The recreation area features a gazebo with a punching bag. In maximum security, things change quickly. The workers carry electronic panic buttons. As the instructor told us, “press the button and you’ll see a flash of blue. That’s the guards coming to save your life”.