1000 £ BEND

If I had a pot plant for every time Jerome said to me, “The new place will be opening soon,” the air would be a lot cleaner in our office. Just kidding! Jerome usually says “Goddamit Penny, get out the way so I can get this f–king cafe set up, don't you have work to do? Jesus.”

Anyway, finally my useless hanging around has paid off. It's called 1000 £ BEND (thousand pound bend, you Aussies) and it's a cafe on Little Lonsdale Street. When I say cafe, I mean GIANT HOLY CRAP WAREHOUSE. From Monday, the cosy front room is open. You'll recognise a lot of the furniture, but there are big ol' couches too, and a totally sealed off outdoor smoking cell. Monkey is doing the cooking, and soon the kitchen will be set up in a 'magic wagon' that Jerome drove in through the front door. Breakfast burritos, toasties, soup, lasagne, pies, daal, what have you.

All kinds of stuff is coming up in the warehouse out the back and upstairs - like exhibitions, the Bicycle Film Festival and, if I have my way, flash dance classes. Anyway, they're getting some Feng Shui experts through first. And, you know, electricians. Okay back to work slackers.