The Thousands

There are so many reasons brothers Adam and Christian Ferrante could give for naming their bar Hell of the North. For instance, when Adam rang up to organise a phone number with Telstra, the lady gave him 9417 6660. He says even she was freaked out, and told him that some people (probably satanists) try to request it but you’re not allowed to – it’s the luck of the draw. WEEEIRD. Anyway the real reason is that it’s named after the Paris-Roubaix cycle race – nicknamed ‘The Hell of the North’ because of all the testicle-bruising bluestone streets along the route. And if you ever went to this bar’s predecessor at 135 Greeves Street you’ll know about the bluestone.

Designed by Lucas Chirnside (SMLWRLD), the interior feels as though it’s been totally re-configured as well as re-finished. The floor-to-ceiling Tasmanian oak wood slatting and brass surfaces are designed to make you feel like you’re inside a big wine press (which is cosier than it sounds, and especially works in the communal-seating ‘press room’, next to the front bar).

The Ferrantes have been in Fitzroy for a lot of years, having founded the Rose Street Artist Market, and this place feels like a local for locals. But not in a slapped-together-burger kind of way. The menu includes lots of carefully done but simple bistro stuff (plus a late-night snacks list) and the drinks list is very Aussie. In fact, there are four different Australian craft beers on tap and more in bottles, including Mountain Goat Hightail Ale and a Feral Brewery IPA. Europe gets a big nod on the wine list, which is written by co-owner Mark Grixti (who comes straight from eight years as head sommelier at the European and the Supper Club).

Nice courtyard, friendly people, weirdly attractive leather aprons  and, thanks to graphic design by Urchin Associates, a free ‘Tonight We Dine In Hell’ postcard with your bill. To go with the embossed, letter-press printed ‘pain is temporary’ beer coaster you already swiped off the bar.