The Thousands

Bad taste never goes out of fashion. How do we know? Because The Hopetoun Tea Rooms have been around since 1892. Charming & elegant to an unearthly few (the usual silver-haired clientele), the décor is sickly sweet – suffocating spinach-coloured floral wallpaper, matching carpet, and a floor-to-ceiling neo-classical mirror complete with columns and cupids – this is Victorian splendour at its most decadent. If the visuals don’t leave you with a sour taste in your mouth, then the Virginia ham, Camembert cheese, cantaloupe & fruit chutney 4-point sanga will.

Our advice is don’t swear, and stick to the basics, scones with jam and cream, vanilla slice, lamingtons and a cup of Earl Grey to wash it all down. Pinkies raised, of course.