The Thousands

It’s the Crafternoon Cafe. But I call it the Hangover Haven. But you can call it the Arsehole Antidote. It doesn’t matter! What matters is that Tegan Cumerford moved here from Brisbane, rented a house/shop on Nicholson Street and began building a cafe where the floor is papered with pictures and you can order clag with you corn fritters.

The front page of the menu is just craft projects. You can make badges (oval, square and round, optional bottle-opener backs for the gentlemen), you can make collages. She has glitter, beads, pasta, tissue paper, straws, sticks and clag. She has paints and tiny easels. She has home-made play-doh (technically edible) that comes with tools including a plastic hammer. She does coffee, vegan-friendly breakfasts and lunches and late-night stitch and bitches on Tuesdays.

“I want to make a sexy woman lying on her side wearing this leopard-print tissue paper,” said my colleague. This is a place where unstable people like my colleague can feel at home. But I felt at home too! I ordered a flat white and brushes and painted a portrait of my cat Robert. You won’t need to see the source photo to recognise him, but he wanted me to show you.