The Thousands

Recently I found myself shark hunting in the Gulf of Mexico with my very special friend Mr. Lou Diamond Phillips. We were sitting aboard my boat The Chinga a tu Madre, gearing up for a dive when Lou whips out this ordinary looking hunting knife and says "Hey, check this out, man," and stabs the watermelon I had brought with me for good luck. "Nice one Phillips." I muttered, "Just put your flippers on, check your regulator and let’s go kill some fucking sharks. Wait! Have you already been into the mushrooms Kiefer gave us?"

He shook his head "No way, man! Just keep watching the watermelon though, keeeeep watching…" So I kept watching, and watching and then after an uncomfortably long silence Lou shrieks "Yi-Yi-Yi-Yaaaaaah!" like he did in Young Guns, and the watermelon exploded! I leapt to my feet and nearly fell overboard! "Holy shit! How’d you do that?" Lou smiled, "Relax man, sit down, I’ll tell you." I sat down "It’s called the ‘Wasp Injector Knife’ maaan! There’s a tube inside the blade that injects a cold jet of compressed gas the size of a basketball into whatever you stab!" I was on my feet again, "Sweet Jesus! We need more watermelons!"

True story.