The Thousands

Listen to Cherie, she knew what was going on.

Hello Daddy, hello Mom
I'm your ch ch ch ch ch cherry bomb
Hello world I'm your wild girl
I'm your ch ch ch ch ch...

Covergoat by Natalie Nikitovic. Be deadly like Nat! Send covers to melbourne.photo@thethousands.com.au.

The palimpsestic title is a clue: Martha’s (Elizabeth Olsen) innermost identity has been blurred and desecrated by an abusive cult whose leader, Patrick (John Hawkes), renames her ‘Marcy May’, and forces all female members to answer the phone as ‘Marlene’. Seeking shelter with her estranged sister Lucy (Sarah Paulson) and Lucy’s husband Ted (Hugh Dancy), she doesn’t trust her memories yet is petrified Patrick is coming to reclaim her.

Writer-director Sean Durkin’s debut feature is subtly, almost perfectly calibrated between idyllic and terrifying, all the way to its chillingly ambiguous ending. Durkin expertly allows episodic, impressionistic scenes to unfurl and overlap, revealing how seemingly benign everyday objects and gestures have become horrible to Martha, and how her search for meaning has left her irreparably damaged.

As Martha’s behaviour escalates from merely eccentric to hysterical, Lucy and Ted struggle to help; Olsen brilliantly portrays both the opaque object of their frustration and the subject of crippling confusion and panic. Hawkes – who played Teardrop in Winter’s Bone – powerfully conjures menace from hippie-like calm. By the time he’s spouting such truly insane aphorisms as “Death is pure love”, Martha’s in way too deep to ever really be herself again.

Screw journalistic objectivity I'm just going to say it: Total Control are the best and most exciting band in Australia. Apologies to Royal Headache and ECSR but when it comes to the pure visceral and primal thrill of live rock and roll I can't see anybody coming close to this Melbourne five piece.

Seeing them live is what I imagine watching Joy Division, Negative Approach or the Birthday Party in their early days would have been like. An edge. A dark, agitated, snarling punk edge that is both captivating and unsettling in its intensity. Daniel Stewart stands on his toes with mic lead wrapped over his shoulders as he lurches into the songs. James Vinciguerra pounds the kit while Mikey Young, Al Montfort and Zephyr Pavey exchange furtive glances across stage as they try to keep rein on the musical attack. It's under control but only just.

Their debut LP Henge Beat is full of seething disdain and power. They have also become a touring machine, having travelled the USA with Thee Oh Sees, the UK for All Tomorrow's Parties and now both Laneway and Golden Plains. I spoke to drummer James from somewhere in the USA. 

TS: Hey James. Where are you right now?
JV: Memphis. read more

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart make indie pop. In dee pop. They make it with considerable aplomb too. Aplomb and My Bloody Valentine-esque walls of guitar. At their Laneway sideshow on Thursday they'll also make it with support from Geoffrey O'Connor and Pop Singles. All of this explains why we're excited to be co-presenting their tour with Mistletone.

But a Pains tour would not be complete without us strong-arming the band into writing something for our website. "Write something!" we shout. "ANYTHING! The internet does not stop." Last time we made Peggy give us a recipe for Japanese turnips. This time Kip Berman made a mixtape. But that is not all. He wrote thoughtful, educational, sometimes fanciful, violent and slightly depraved liner notes. Take it away, Kip:

The House of Love, 'Destroy The Heart'
Kip Berman: I love Guy Chadwick's voice, but I think I love his name even more. If I was named Kip Chadwick, just think of the life I'd have! Limousines, champagne, depravity of every sort. My orientation would be disorientation, I'd flirt with fascism only to break its heart and I'd have cheekbones so pronounced that those greeting me with two kisses would invariably lacerate their lips. Good song, this. It's about hearts - always a popular subject in my book.

Bad Dream Fancy Dress, 'Choirboy Gas'
KB: Produced by The King of Luxembourg and released on the legendary and ridiculously fancy El Records, this single from their album of the same name is every bit as pop psychedelic read more

Gangsta right? Me and my try-hards were just comparing the things we wipe our fingers on. Turns out we all use aprons and tea towels supplied by Hayley McKee from Sticky Fingers Bakery. Her cupcake and cake ordering, subscribing and dessert table service has been around since 2010 so you can imagine how many sticky fingers she has encountered in her time. I bet she's given her tea towels and aprons a right royal wiping. And so have we. Our apron of choice? These sassy glam authentic '50s aprons sourced by Oh Henry Vintage. And also these freaking ginormous tea towels illustrated by Steph Hughes.

Up until now you could only buy said baking accessories from the Sticky Fingers online store. But this weekend you can buy them real time at the Sticky Fingers Tasting Party. Here, Hayley will celebrate the launch of a new menu. Hey, I thought she had it covered between the Chocolate and Ginger Beer, Mojito, Banana Split and Aztec Chocolate. But it seems that was only the beginning. Hayley has 11 new flavours up her sleeve yet to be christened, with gluten-free options available. There'll also be giveaways, a wheel of fortune and DJs.

Ichabod Crane just arrived and, without even as much as a hello, said, "The millennium is almost upon us. In a few months, we will be living in the nineteenth century." Hey Ichabond! Haha! What the shit are you talking about? Nice glasses though. Where did you get them? "It was a headless horseman."

Ha! You kill me. How long you going to keep this up? Come on though, get off the good stuff Crane. Tell me, where you get them? "Comeback Kid." And he was right. The CBK label has six different old school glasses now on sale. They may be vintage vibing but they come with modern benefits. Like, UV protection.

Up until now you've probably had to rely on Off Ya Tree or going to a show in order to score your heavy rock band merch. Not anymore. Just a pot glass throw from the Tote on Johnston Street, Broken Glass Records specialises in local band shirts, merch and albums.

Stock tends to fall on the heavier side of the rock and roll spectrum. Think Nation Blue over Angus and Julia Stone but it's probably one of only a few stores in Australia where you can pick up a Deep Heat shirt and an album from Tassie heroes Mouth. They also stock stuff from Eleventh He Reaches London, Heirs, Whitehorse, Dad They Broke Me and Occult Blood. It's probably best if black is your favourite colour in the rock and roll rainbow.

Erin is now accepting all band merchandise on consignment - from CD, vinyl and cassettes to shirts, badges, patches and zines - and is encouraging anyone to drop in posters for upcoming shows. So get your demo tape into Broken Glass. Better there than sitting in a box under your bass player's bed! With upcoming in-stores (including this Saturday's launch event), Broken Glass is a welcome supporter of the Melbourne rock and punk scene. read more

Watch out, this write-up is completely biased. Look at me with my Christopher Day photograph collection! Keep reading, museums. One day we will discuss this again when I am selling you the big one with the orange car on it.

Now that's all safely out in the open I can tell you that Christopher Day is opening an exhibition of his new work in the Level 6 Gallery at Curtin House tonight. It's called 'END', which is also the theme. But, unlike other exhibitions opening this week it's not all about the apocalypse. Day's focus is more the word itself. 'End' as in 'rear end', 'car boot', 'use-by-date' and 'nowhere else to go'. The work includes photographs as well as collages, which amplify the repetition and add physical correlations to the figurative ones.

Mega-fan, signing off.

Melbourne Cinémathèque, the ACMI-based rare film club, is about to start its weekly 2012 program with a season dedicated to director Elia Kazan. Kazan was adored and vilified in great measure throughout his lifetime, although watching Martin Scorcese and Kent Jones’ documentary A Letter To Elia - being shown on opening night - it’s not difficult to work out which one they tend towards.

Essentially an hour-long fanboy-fest by Scorcese about Kazan’s films, particularly East Of Eden (showing later in the season alongside Wild River, Splendor In The Grass and A Streetcar Named Desire) - if it were a real letter it would have big pink love hearts doodled in the margin.

Others didn’t feel such affection, though, after the Turkish-born director admitted he was a communist - particularly the actors he dobbed in while he was at it. It seems ridiculous now to accuse Kazan of Un-American activities, especially as America America (also showing on opening night) powerfully promotes the USA as a land of opportunity.

You try watching the scene where Stavros kneels to kiss the ground on arrival at New York, at the risk of being stampeded or getting a mouthful of dog shit, and tell me it was directed by someone who hated Uncle Sam.

I was falsely accused of a crazy crime involving a nasty Tiger Airways check-in attendant. I was locked up, charged, bailed…the whole shemozzle. Eventually my case got dismissed. I experienced injustice, so being a final-year science and law student, I’ve volunteered in the PLEA program. We visit maximum security prisons, educating inmates about their rights.

What’s maximum security like? At this major prison, the breeze blows from Werribee sewerage farm. Leave your car in the staff carpark, because the visitors’ carpark gets raided by thieves visiting their mates inside. Don’t make eye contact with the Alsatians. If you’re allowed inside, your eyes get scanned by an iris scanner. You stand inside a spectrometer that detects heroin, meth, cocaine and cannabis. You surrender your Vegemite (because Vegemite contains yeast, which makes alcohol). No phones, no keys, no money, no metal-tipped pens. No jewellery (sorry Fitzroy bartenders, you won’t get inside).

Ladies must dress modestly. Some of the guards resemble Chopper. Cameras everywhere. They removed the pool table because a guard got beaten with a cue. The recreation area features a gazebo with a punching bag. In maximum security, things change quickly. The workers carry electronic panic buttons. As the instructor told us, “press the button and you’ll see a flash of blue. That’s the guards coming to save your life".

Straight from the tawdry vestibules of the Vatican comes an addition to the Nicholson Street black-pudding-prayer house Pope Joan. The new bar is named the Bishop Of Ostia - the son whose birth on horseback blew the cover of the cross-dressing babe-in-popes-clothing and led to her downfall. Nothing quite as scandalous appears to be happening behind the roller door up the deceptively dusty end of the 96-tram line, however it is only opening night.

The Joan boys have been waiting a while for the license to come through so it is with many hallelujahs that the Bishop now opens for service. In the vein of the exceptional fare cooked up next door, the bar will be serving only the best local Vic produce, beers and wine. The menu theme is 'Middle Ages', with pig’s ears and pork scratchings cooked to perfection. Kidding, the menu is great, actually, with the pig bits sitting alongside fancy delights such as spanner crab and salmon roe.

Owner Ben Foster has done an incredible reno on the space, working alongside Matt Rawlins and neighbours CBD Asset with a large concept piece designed by local artist Josef Marzi. Joan’s prime backyard space will be used by the bar, and the two venues effortlessly come together like legendary gender-defying religious martyr and bastard son.

It seems like only a couple of months ago that Small Batch / Auction Rooms / Coffee Supreme alumni Cosmo Hawke (yes that is his real name) unleashed Machete - a bottled, black, cold brew coffee that is becoming the summertime drink of choice for anyone who knows their Yirgacheffes from their Sidamos and Harrars. Well... it was. But instead of counting his kudos and his coin, Cosmo has been reclining in his leather swivel chair, stroking a cat that’s more fluff than beast and plotting the next step on his path to world domination.

Enter Badger Vs Hawk - a coffee shop collaboration between Cosmo and co-conspirator Lucien Kolff (the ‘badger’ in the equation, obviously). Joining Melbourne's hospitality featherweight division at a size not much bigger than a double bed, BVH has a menu only four items long: espresso+/-water+/-milk or filter coffee brewed by their '80s-style Technovorm Moccamaster, which looks like it belongs upstairs at Piedmontes. I know what you're thinking: a cafe and a cold drink are hardly tantamount to global conquest. Well just you wait until the (clinically proven) unstoppable courtyard / laneway bar opens up. The liquor licence is already approved, so while it may not look like much just yet, this third (and let’s hope final) battle station is fully armed and operational.

Sailor Jerry is the name of an old-school tattoo visionary, who is credited with making the art form what it is today. He is often referred to as “the godfather of tattooing”, and if you’re known as the godfather of anything you can be pretty sure you’re the shit. Sailor Jerry’s is also the name of the best damndest rum I’ve tasted in my few years. I can drink that spiced stuff straight up all day like it’s Ribena. So what better way to celebrate these two top-of-their-game entities than by spending an evening gawking at purty flash and sipping orgasmic rum?

The Sailor himself karked it a while back so a bunch of Melbourne’s premier artists (including Bugsy, Mitch 13, Jessica Swaffer, Steen Jones, and many more besides…) have stepped up to decorate the walls of the cavernous fun-pit that is Strange Wolf. If you fancy you can purchase prints from these talented folks, which shouldn’t be a problem for your tightly-clenched *ahem* “purse strings” as there will be Sailor Jerry tastings, drink specials, and FREE entry. Citizen Sex are playing and there will be DJ Sets from Whiteside, Max Turner, Jacob Lawrence and Tommy Dollars. Don’t know about you, but I’m buzzing like a freakin’ ink gun in anticipation.

Bullion is like a lizard covered in soap. Hard to get a hold of. The West London producer gained some notoriety in 2007 with Pet Sounds: In the Key of Dee, a concatenation of Pet Sounds and beats by J Dilla (who had recently passed away) in the mould of The Grey Album by Danger Mouse. At which time you could safely throw him in with other sample-heavy, hip hop influenced acts like The Avalanches or DJ Shadow at his most playful.

The following years, though not prolific, have kept up the reappropriation but exposed him for more than just a one-hit conceptualist. Take the brilliantly wonky, polyrhythmic 'Too Right' off his "non-LP" Magic Was Ruler which borrows heavily from Laurie Anderson's 'O Superman'. Or the a-side on his recent 12", 'Say Arr Ee' which eschews hip hop swing for more straight ahead, proto-house rhythm and swirling, dreamy synth pads. His music is always detailed - but cohesive rather than distracted. Here's a mix for Fader and another; a tribute to Robert Wyatt, Gong and other '60s pysch and prog voyagers.

Support by Kano, David Bass, Donald's House and Ennio styles. The fact I have gone to this much trouble to write up a free show (that's right, free) should indicate something about the quality of this party. Could've just shit out a couple of puns. Lucky you.

If you’re not going to be able to catch EMA’s appearance at Laneway on the very same day - or if you just can’t get enough of her invigorating and intoxicating stage presence anyway - then you now at least have a chance to see her killin’ it at the Tote. To make up for just being support the night before to limey Sebadoh-alikes Yuck (when it feels like it should really be the other way round), Ms Anderson will be headlining with all your favourite thrilling cuts from Past Life Martyred Saints as well as her other scuzzy, slightly dirty material post-Gowns. Supporting will be two sets of local heroes, namely the “dissonant, yet completely captivating” indie duo Teeth & Tongue and rock ghostwalkers New War.

If the much heralded decline of the music industry can be said to have a silver lining, it's that record labels seem to be passing the savings on to you. Ten bucks for a showcase of the best of the label du jour, Young Turks, curated by its head Caius Pawson ("His name is Caius Pawson," for all you Fight Club nerds), DJ sets by The Horrors, SBTRKT collaborator and postmodern crooner Sampha, Oneman and beat bricoleur Bullion (who I have opined about here.) If I had to guess, I think the revelation will be Oneman. You see, I recently went on an ironic YouTube voyage with Zeb listening to the likes of 'Re-Rewind' by Artful Dodger (featuring Craig David) and 'Bound 4 Da Reload' by Oxide and Neutrino. Oh, how we laughed. "Whatever happened to 2-step?" we said "Whatever happened to garage? What a delightfully embarrassing slice of early 21st century music - surely never to be heard of again." An hour with Oneman's Soundcloud shut my mouth. That shit is still vital.

It's a new party night at The Bottom End. And now we hand over the Delany to explain: "Hi guys, I cannot believe I have not seen you down here for POOF DOOF yet!!! It has been mad/incredible... but, it is not enough! At the start of Feb we are launching our boldest move to date: SURVIVOR! This is the middle level of The Bottom End and is the final piece of the party puzzle in this massive entertainment warhorse. Dropping Saturday February 4 into an uncertain and perhaps unprepared Melbourne club scene, SURVIVOR! will rip open the night sky with dancepowermayhem, joyous hook ups and party times."

As always, we offered Delany a writing position at our online magazine but he politely declined. Instead, he will be entertaining the people over three ecstatic dancefloor zones (including THE DUNNY DISCO) like a hot young fool and doer of deeds. Resident DJS playing the first party: AJAX, Generik v The Foles, Kris Baha, Jheasy, Mr Anderson, Fantastic Man (Mic Newman), Emmanuel, With Love, Dollars, Booty Quest, Play, Buster Stickup and Zeus. Resident DJs playing the coming weeks: Cassian, Beni, Jensen Interceptor and Light Year. All of this is followed by Mike Callander, Andee Frost and Safari playing the first 'SURVIVOR After Hours' from 5am onwards downstairs.

This introduction to an American band by Dominic Kirkwood:

Reared in the bizarre Christian cult Children of God, Chris Owens led an itinerant childhood through various European countries. As a teenager he ran away from the group and found his way to the small Texan city of Amarillo where he worked at a local supermarket stacking shelves. By sheer fortune he met local philanthropist, media owner and conceptual artist Stanley Marsh 3 and started working for him as his PA.

After a couple of years with Marshall, Owens moved to San Francisco and briefly played in Ariel Pink and Matt Fishbeck’s Holy Shit, which very quickly imploded. Not long after he formed Girls with co-founder Chet White. Since their first LP, Album, Girls have upped the stakes with their new, kaleidoscopic, dead-honest shrine to pop that is Son, Father, Holy Ghost. The least you can do is go and see their Laneway sideshow at the Corner. Support from those Twerps. A friendly bunch who make funny, lo-fi pop songs that get stuck in your head for weeks.

An astral plane exists, to some people, between Heaven and Earth. It is occupied by angels and dead people and Jonathan Richman. The Astral Plane, however, exists in Australia and is populated by two dudes, Daniel Oliver and Damien Horan (of The Villainares), and their most awesome line of printed tees, button ups, denim and swim shorts.

The Astral Plane radiates slow summers and vagabond spirit. They've got a knack for rendering vintage ideas via laid-back street wear and are especially good at hallucinated prints and patterns.

Their latest collection is impressive. Psychedelic palms, wild stallions, water crafts, and the hottest city in the world NYC make printed appearances on tees. Have a look for yourself at these stockists. We particularly like the 'Islands' swim shorts, which are patchworked with all of your favourite parts of summer - palm trees, flowers and Aztec patterns - and have a bonus pocket which is 'handy if you're craving a coconut water?'

We liked them so much that we got you some. To enter, just answer the following question.