The Thousands

Thursday 21st May

Don't smoke weed. You'll end up telling your friends you made a shirt for David Bowie. And that Bradford Cox called you on the phone. And that you did chemistry in VCE, and they'll let you cook your own food at the Grace Darling. And that you discovered the magical commune where old bikes are made anew, and dreadlocks and pot fall from the sky like the gentle rains. What a load of crap.

ThreeThousand 206 - keep off the grass

Also on the site right now:

STREET - Musuem of Printing open day!
HEAR - Breaks in the Sun
READ - The Marriage of Reason and Squalor
HEAR - The Field, Yesterday and Today

Cover image by Natalie Nikitovic. If you would like to submit a covershot that would be so rad! Email photo@threethousand.com.au. 

What:
Deerhunter interview

Who:
Tait Ischia speaks to Bradford Cox

Where:
See them live at The Corner, 57 Swan St, Richmond

When:
Second show Thurs June 18, doors 8pm

How much:
Selling fast. Tickets $40 +BF from here

Have you ever had to interview someone before? It makes me nervous. When I spoke to Bradford Cox from Deerhunter I was freaking the fuck out. My arse was sweating and I needed to pee real bad all the time. Don't ask me why, I can't help it. I just get really nervous. Anyway, so I'm sitting there with my little notepad of questions and Bradford calls me. I ask him about his friendship with the Black Lips and the time his face melted off watching My Bloody Valentine. I laughed too hard at some of his jokes but I think he liked that.

Then I asked him a really awkward question about this YouTube video I watched where Bradford recalls participating in a circle-jerk when he was eleven. It was supposed to be the funniest part of the interview. Instead it was a total anti-climax (you'll get the joke at the end) and now I'm bringing it up here so it doesn't sound like such a stupidly random question to ask. Phew! OK. Now that's out of the way, please, read on while I watch this kid and feel better about myself.

Tait Ischia: Hey Brad! How's it going?
Bradford Cox: I'm good! It's good to talk to you.

...read the rest here

By Tait Ischia

What:
What Just Happened

When:
In cinemas from May 21

Watch the trailer:
Here

Win:
Thanks to Hopscotch we have 10 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject ‘The movie business is a cruel and shallow money trench where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs'

Written and co-produced by veteran producer Art Linson from his memoir, What Just Happened is a dry and achingly sad Hollywood satire. While it echoes themes from The Player, Entourage or even Tropic Thunder, director Barry Levinson finds genuinely touching moments amid the backstabbing and buck-passing.

Ben (Robert De Niro) is a movie producer besieged by personal and professional crises. He must placate steely studio boss Lou (Catherine Keener), ego-stroke drug-addled British director Jeremy (Michael Wincott), convince an overweight and belligerent Bruce Willis to shave off a Grizzly Adams beard, strongarm Willis's neurotic agent (John Turturro) and stop his supposed friend, screenwriter Scott (Stanley Tucci) from schtupping his ex, Kelly (Robin Wright Penn), whom he still loves.

De Niro is wonderfully funny and sly, full of winces, shrugs and grimaces. It's interesting to see him stripped of authority, menace and even dignity, scrambling just to keep his shit together. Despite Ben's failings and dubious morals, he's basically a good guy and we want to see him come up trumps. But What Just Happened is too cynical a film to settle for a happy ending.

By Mel Campbell

What:
Made For Skate

Who:
Dirk Vogel from Kingpin magazine

Where:
Metropolis, Lvl 3, 252 Swanston St, Melbourne

How much:
$99.95

Contact:
9663 2015

A skater's shoes are the most identifiable part of their wardrobe. Even though ‘normies' discovered the majesty of Vans some time ago, only a real skater's are a proud patchwork of holes and torn laces. This book charts the evolution from the first ever skate-specific shoe in the early seventies, through the fluoro eighties, then the bulky nineties and back again to the minimalist late-noughties. In fact, the latest skate shoe designs look exactly like the first ones.

The material for the book was sourced from the Museum of Skateboard History in Stuttgart, Germany, with accompanying text by Dirk Vogel from Kingpin magazine. Most of the shoes were photographed in a skated-in state, caked in shoe goo (which deserves it's own section), unlike the glistening, pristine status symbols lusted over by sneaker fans.

This book could easily have been really embarrassing, but it's actually very good. On the one hand, it's an interesting cultural document, illustrating the growing pains of an anti-establishment industry, which eventually got into bed with big business. On the other, it's a fun trip down memory lane, a chance to reminisce on all the stuff you loved as a kid and the memories attached to them.

By Max Olijnyk

What:
Oxford Derringers

Where:
Our Spot online

How much:
$550

If David Bowie wore a shirt that we'd designed we would pretty much shit our pants. Wouldn't you? It's David Bowie! Ziggy Stardust! The Thin White Duke who's in everyone's favourite childhood movie and sang the best song to ever come out of a television series! Shitting. Our. Pants.

Rachel Comey wasn't though. She was like,"Really? Oh, well I might make some more shirts then." And she did, along with some pants, jackets, dresses and, most recently, shoes. Absolutely delightful shoes that look so good you simply must touch them, then wear them.

Available in black or whiskey brown, they've just arrived at Our Spot (it's a store in Sydney - but they have online sales, hurrah). Apparently they're for men, but in the spirit of Bowie we say gender rules be damned - give us the Oxfords.

By Alice Fenton

What:
NowNow invites you to the Box Office Book Stall

Where:
Rooftop Cinema Box Office, Level 6, 252 Swanston St, Melbourne

When:
Sat May 23, 12-6pm

How much:
$6 and up (and a free beer with every publication purchased)

Contact:
9662 1657

In high school I told the careers counsellor that I wanted to become a physiotherapist and I studied biology, chemistry and maths with a language thrown in to boost my ENTER score. If he could see me now: trying to import a product for which there is practically no market. Sourcing artist books, zines, journals and magazines while wrestling wildly with Excel spreadsheets and exchange rates. Spending all my pocket money on postage or hauling 30kgs of books back in a suitcase from Europe.

But at NowNow we have always loved a bad business plan; just look at WON magazine - a FREE 90-page full colour quarterly arts journal. Anyway, while we set up our online shop to house these publications, this Saturday we would like to invite people with an appreciation of printed matter and sympathy for silly ideas to the Box Office Book Stall.

We will be showcasing and selling publications from artists and independent publishers from Australia around the world, including: Nieves, PAM Books, Rollo Press, The Spring Press, Mike Mills, Cosmic Wonder, Here & There, Seems, The New College Beat, Hassla Books, Libraryman, The Changes, Museum Paper, Emmeline de Mooij, Mono. Kultur, Serps Press, Serps Zine, SEDE, Takashi Homma, Peter Sutherland, The Kingsboro Press, Farewell Books and many more.

By Chris Barton

Employer:
Next Wave

Position:
Associate Producer

Where and when:
Melbourne, now

Apply:
Download applications here.
Email cover letter addressing the duties, a CV, and contact details of 3 referees to paul.gurney@nextwave.org.au with the subject line 'Associate Producer' by Fri May 29, 5pm!

Next Wave is a biennial festival and artist development organisation, presenting genre-busting new works by contemporary Australian artists. It also features one of the hunkiest artistic directors in Melbourne, Jeff Khan. Swoon-o-rama!

But the real news is that they are hiring, and the associate producer position is very important. You might have to arrange art installations in strip clubs, or care for a pack of small dogs and their welfare, or maybe just help to develop and present the work of emerging artists. No matter what, you'll get to catch hints of Jeff's aftershave every work day. Completely worth it.

Next Wave is currently looking for two Associate Producers with solid experience in theatre, visual arts and/or new media and an understanding of what's involved in developing and presenting the work of emerging contemporary artists.

If that's you, have a look at the position description here and the tips on applying here and get in touch. Enquiries about the position should be directed to Fiona Maxwell, Executive Director on 03 9329 9422.

What:
The Bike Shed

Where:
CERES, East Brunswick

When:
Fri-Sat 11am-5pm, Sun 12-4pm

How much:
$10 annual membership, bikes from $30

Long ago a bunch of hippies founded a magical commune, where old bikes were made anew, and dreadlocks and pot fell from the sky like the gentle rains. The location of this sanctum was a mystery wrapped in an enigma written in Esperanto, and while everyone had heard of such a place, no-one knew where it was.

Turns out it was in Brunswick East the whole time, and it's not a hippie commune but the internationally recognised sustainability park CERES. It also happens to offer the greatest gift Melbourne cyclists were ever given - the Bikeshed.

Featuring a rack of recycled bikes, recycled parts, a bunch of old dudes who show you how to fix anything, and a shed with more tools than a motivational talk, the Bikeshed is a place to get dirty (but not the cool way).

Whether you go to fix up your own bike or buy one of theirs, the old maxim remains: ‘Give a man a bike, and he will ride 'til someone kicks his wheel in on Brunswick Street - teach a man to fix a bike, and he will ride forever'.

By Roya Azadi

What:
The Grace Darling

Where:
114 Smith St, Collingwood

When:
Opening Mon May 25, from 4pm!
Then Mon-Sun, kitchen open noon-11pm

Contact:
9416 0055 (but not until next week)

Maybe you've wanted to believe it. God help you it's been a while since the Union stopped serving $6 mash and vegetables and playing good music. But the rumours are true: Smith Street is getting a new pub, and it will change the face of hanging out in Collingwood forever.

Russell and Mace from Hells have teamed up with Cath Fletcher, Maurice Manno (Concorde Crepes, Superfino), Dan Zeidan (Aix) and former Panama chef Catriona Freeman to re-open the Grace Darling. Holy hell and crapsticks it's gonna be good. We went there yesterday to check out renovations and here's what we found out:

There's a sportsman's paradise games area with snooker and an arcade shooting game called Big Buckmaster II. There are leather psychiatrist couches and open fires. The food will be 'rustic European bistro'. There's a glass-roofed atrium with a BBQ so you'll be able to order platters of food to cook yourself. Catriona will give you a thermometer and instructions if you are a retard. There's an upstairs bandroom and a basement banquet room where you can have forty people for dinner.

Even if this place was called the Clumsy Ex-Wife, you'd be there every night.

By Penny Modra

What:
Go to The Tote

Where:
71 Johnston St, Collingwood

When:
i=it tonight, doors 8.30pm, entry $8
Total Döughstructiön tomorrow, free entry, free pizza, 6-9pm

Description:
Well well. The truth came out last week didn't it? When we suddenly thought the Tote was closing, our inner selves muttered 'crapitty, I'm going to make a big deal out of this, but the truth is I haven't been there since 2006.' If this close call has taught us anything it's that we are an arsehole. Just kidding. But c'mon - let's go to the Tote! Tonight, Smiley Mcslidey Records are releasing a split 7" with local droids i=it on one side and Jim Patterson on the other. Meanwhile, Total Döughstructiön happens every Friday in the front bar. This week's guest DJ is Fanta Pants (he has red hair) and there's free pizza. FREE PIZZA YOU C*&^S. Unless you'd rather stay home - Masterchef is on so, sure, that's a consideration. - PM

What:
Soul Power

Where:
ACMI Cinemas, Fed Square, Flinders St

When:
Season ends this week! Thurs May 21, 7.30pm and 9.30pm; Fri May 22, 9.30pm; Sat May 23, 7.30pm and 9.30pm; Sun May 24, 3.30pm, 5.45pm and 7.45pm.

How much:
$10/$13 from here

Win:
Thanks to ACMI we have 10 dbls for the Friday 9.30pm screening to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject "Damn right I'm somebody!"

Description:
Soul Power is much more than a great live concert doco. Yes, it contains mind blowing performances by everyone from BB King to Bill Withers,  but the thing that makes this film so good is that they manage to cover that as well as the trials of staging a concert in Zaire in '74 (!), as well as giving a look into the behind-the-scenes personalities of everyone involved in said concert - from the sound tech to James Brown, in fact forget Brown 'cause Muhammed Ali owns this film - everyone is upstaged by the charisma Ali oozes as he eats breakfast. Soul Power is in its final week - so if you haven't had the chance to hear Ali rapping in the ring - make sure you don't miss out! - SC

What:
Red Riders single launch

Where:
Ding Dong, Market La, Melbourne

When:
Sat May 23, doors 8pm

How much:
$16 +BF from here

Win:
One of two dbls! To enter email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'welcome  home you little bastards'

Description:
These little Sydney bastards have missed you too. Their catchy-ass first album, Replica Replica, got a lot of heads nodding. Their second album, Drown in Colour, won them a lot of friends in the States and led them to play the SXSW festival. The new single, 'You've Got a Lot of Nerve', from their second album, picks up the riffs where they left off. Good show guaranteed. - Us

What:
A Milli: The Party

Where:
La Di Da, 577 Little Bourke St (enter via King St)

When:
Fri May 22, doors 10pm

How much:
$10 or $5 guest list here

Description:
Sometimes it's hard to understand what Lil Wayne is trying to tell the public with his songs. Let's examine some lyrics from his classic album Dedication II. These are excerpts from ‘Cannon', ‘Workin' Em', and ‘Dedication 2' respectively. "I don't spit, I vomit, one egg short of the omelette", "Weezy F. Baby, the mothafuckin' Carter, Bitches on my stick, but my name ain't Harry Potter", and "Gettin' out 20 American pies an hour." As anyone can see upon closer inspection, the main point that Lil Wayne is trying to make is that he is quite literally, batshit crazy. The great thing though is that his tracks, however ridiculous, make any dancefloor go nuts, which is the secret behind A Milli: The Party (brought to you by the ladies from R&B Superclub, joining forces with 1995: The Party). Go dance and get your face tattoo on. - PC

What:
CLOSET: Ferris Bueller's Gay Off

Where:
Brown Alley, upstairs at the Colonial Hotel, cnr Lonsdale St and King St, Melbourne

When:
Fri May 22, doors 10pm

How much:
$20 or $15 list here

Description:
Ferris Bueller is the zeitgeist of the month. You saw how those freaks at Metafilter got all excited for this question! But never to be outdone by Metafilter, the people at Closet are throwing a Bueller...Bueller...Bueller... themed soiree this month. To seal the deal they have lined up Van She Tech because the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - everyone adores them. They think they are righteous dudes. - PC

What:
Knightlife II launch, Cutters Records party

Where:
Roxanne, Lvl 3, 2 Coverlid Pl, Melbourne

When:
Fri May 22, doors 9pm

How much:
$18 +BF from here

Description:
You would have to be preeeetty coked up to turn down an invitation from Cut Copy. You'd have to have been racking the columbian up on your iPhone for a few hours, waiting for your Mum to get home from tennis so you could take the Audi out to buy icypoles so you could ice your nose down and pack in some more tighty whitey. Right at that moment, 'ping', you get a FB message from Dan Whitford. It comes through on your powdery phone and you can barely read it: Cutters Records are releasing Knightlife II, a new 12" EP, this week with an "evening of inter-dimensional disco rhythms, chicago house and futuristic pop" featuring Cut Copy DJs, Knightlife, Nile Delta, Das Moth, DJ Biscuit and Nervous Jack. You snort in derision. PFFT. Those guys are so lame. Your phone rings, your mum's doing the round robin. You'll have to walk to the milk bar. You are the fricken LORD OF THE SOUTH!! - PM

What:
Not Cactus

Where:
Match Bar, 249 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne

When:
Fri May 22, then every Friday 9pm-3am

How much:
Free!

Description:
Despite a recent invasion of Romanian gypsy pick pockets who stole my wallet right out of my bag as I sat at the bar leading me to scrabble around in the bins on Swanston Street, then drink a $5 pre-purchased bottle of sparkling shiraz as I sat slumped in the gutter, Match Bar has great DJs. Leslie Salvador DJs are starting a regular Friday night party this week with guests Dr Hysteric, Mayo, Jason Martin, Bromance, Sweat Midler, Spike Acid and more. If you see a gypsy hanging around ask him to start a tab and buy Leslie Salvador a drink - they deserve it and my credit limit is pretty high so, should be cool. - PM

What:
The Last Tuesday Society

Where:
Yah Yahs, 99 Smith St, Fitzroy

When:
Tues May 26, 8pm

How much:
Free we think

Description:
JUST HOW MANY TIMES DO THEY THINK WE'LL BUY IT? You can't do a Last Tuesday every month - that's less convincing than Jim Jones  and his "Kool Aid tastes great" assurances. Well, at least Richard Higgins puts on a good show every time the world ends. This month, the Last Tuesday Society features 2009 Golden Gibbo winners The List Operators, Captain Ruin from The Caravan of Doom, and some other stuff. If you don't go, you won't look back and regret it. But only because you'll be in the new socialist Eden where bad vibes are banned, like Big Macs and wage bargaining. - PM

What:
SoundKILDA awards and afterparty

Where:
The Palace George Cinemas, 133 Fitzroy St, St Kilda

When:
NEXT WEEK! Thurs May 28, 9pm

How much:
$15/$20 +BF here

Win:
We have 5 dbl passes to give away! To enter,  email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject 'It's such a sadness, that you think you've seen a film on your f*&^ing telephone. Get real.'

Description:
The SoundKILDA. It was just too loud. Harharr. Seriously, this screening is a major highlight of the St Kilda Film Festival. It's a night of Australian music videos the way they were meant to be seen (ie: not on your phone, listen to David Lynch when he tells you). Hosted by Spicks and Specks dude Alan Brough, this is a total bargain of a night out, Julia Zemiro won't be there, and you get to vote for the winner. - PM

What:
I Heart NY featuring Nick Catchdubs (Fools Gold) and DJ Ayres (The Rub) presented by Team Opulent and ThreeThousand

Where:
Roxanne, Lvl 3, 2 Coverlid Pl, Melbourne

When:
NEXT WEEK! Fri May 29, doors 9pm

How much:
$15 +BF from here

Win:
We have 2 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject ‘The Rub?! I'll show you the rub, just let me stretch first"

Description:
In NYC, the Friday night gig listings are better than most Australian festivals. It sounds great, but really it just makes your head hurt with options. Luckily, Team Opulent has made the decision for us, and hand picked two of the best DJs in the whole fucking city. After producing the Fader's radio show and starting up Fools Gold with A-Trak, Nick Catchdubs has basically been on fire for years. While his selection is top notch, it's not just about the music because what separates Catchdubs from the rest of the party rockers is his blending and creativity. The same can be said for DJ Ayres, who is one third of The Rub, a crew whose event has been described as the ‘Best Party to Dance Sweatily to Smart Music' by the Village Voice. The pedigree of both these DJs will be sure to make this night end up sticky, steamy, and fill your body with muscle aches the next day. - PC

REMEMBER OUR LYRICS IDEA? -(STOP)- OH YOU'D BETTER -(STOP)- BEFORE YOU TEAR ME ALL APART YOU'D BETTER -(STOP)- BEFORE YOU GO AND BREAK MY HEART OOOH YOU'D BETTER -(STOP)- SAM BROWN

Telegrams are back! This is huge. Just type the message in the box, preview and pay $4.70. Now your messages both local and international will be treated with the respect a yellow envelope deserves.

Impress your colleagues! Avoid ugly reply-alls! Get out of weddings the classy way. And it's the same price all over the world so you won't waste money on your overseas friends like you usually do. We have ten telegrams to give away. Send us the text and we'll send em out for you next week. You'll get an email version of each one so you know we're not just mailing poop notes to your friends' addresses. To enter, just answer the following question:

This week's question:
If I wanted you to write a poop note

a) I'd just click the send to a friend function on this email
b) I'd address it to Kyle Sandilands
c) I would go through the proper channels
d) you'd need a pretty large postpak

Send your answer and name to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry. Not a subscriber? Oh nooes! Sign up here.

ThreeThousand is a weekly snapshot of Melbourne's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we like to call creativity. Without editorial independence ThreeThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.

Advertising Partnerships:
ThreeThousand is a trusted and proven medium for advertisers to engage with Melbourne's most elusive individuals - our subscribers. Each issue offers one advertiser the opportunity to have sole presence in the e-newsletter. A variety of placements (three, to be exact) are also available on threethousand.com.au. For more information on advertising with ThreeThousand, contact:

Managing Director:
Francesco Nazzari
frunch@rightanglepublishing.com

Account Executive:
Robbie Coleman
robert@rightanglepublishing.com.

Feedback:
Have something to say? Then say it by emailing talk@threethousand.com.au

Disclaimer:
The information in ThreeThousand is subject to change. Although we attempt to ensure that the content at the time of publication is correct, we do not guarantee its accuracy or currency. Right Angle Publishing accepts no responsibility to you or anyone else arising from any use or reliance on the information contained in ThreeThousand or any inaccuracy in the information. The views and opinions expressed on material included in ThreeThousand may not reflect those of Right Angle Publishing.

Contact:
Right Angle Publishing
Level 6, Curtin House
252 Swanston Street
Melbourne, 3000
+ 61 3 9662 1657

ThreeThousand's MySpace:
myspace.com/threethousand

Group Publisher:
Barrie Barton
barrie@rightanglepublishing.com

Editor:
Penny Modra
penny@threethousand.com.au

Associate Editor:
Patrick Collins
patrick@rightanglepublishing.com

Editorial Assistant
Marissa Shirbin
marissa@rightanglepublishing.com

Film Editor:
Mel Campbell
mel@rightanglepublishing.com

Music Editor:
Mark Gomes
mark@threethousand.com.au

READ Editor:
Kirsten Law
kirsten@rightanglepublishing.com

Design Monkeys:
tin&ed

Image and Web Monkey:
Taran Hubbert

STREET Pics Monkeys:
Tim Harvey
Michael Pham
Leah Roberston
Kristy Lee
Zara Poole

Contributing Monkeys:
Nadia Saccardo
Rachel Surgeoner
Lisa Lerkenfeldt
Chris Barton
Tait Ischia
Max Olijnyk
Alice Fenton
Roya Azadi
Samantha Chater