Pretending to know about car repairs

· Thursday November 8, 2012

You're not going to make anything from this MAKE except maybe love, after you pop the bonnet of a beautiful person who is broken down road side, and start touching things with confidence. It already sounds sexy.

But it's not really, not at first. It's just seven pointers to make you look like you know stuff. What happens next is your call.


Step 1. Here's where you check your oil. Pull out the dipstick and make sure the oil level reaches the mark - usually a hole.


Step 2. Water is here, but don't touch it when the car is hot. You will hurt yourself and look like a wiener who doesn't know what they're doing.


Step 3. Give the cooling hose a feel for any splits. Unfortunately you can't fix this on the spot coz it's high pressured.


Step 4. This is the battery terminal. You want to make sure it's done up tight, and there's no corrosion. My dad says that if you really want to go “ferreting around” in there, you can check that you've got ignition - a fancy way to say that the battery has power - by taking the spark plug lead off and putting it close to the spark plug. The car will jump forward a bit.


Step 5. If the car is still not running, we suggest you make the assumption out loud, “it looks like power's not getting to the drivetrain”. Now look into the beautiful person's eyes - this is what it looks like when you take someone's breath away. Let them know they've probably snapped an axle or tail shaft. Move in and comfort them if they need it.



Step 6. As a general rule, keep an eye on your tyre tread depth. This definitely isn't the reason that the beautiful person has broken down FYI.


Step 7. Look for this symbol to fill up your squirters - which I'm now told are called 'washer jets'. Again, definitely not the reason they're broken down.