The Thousands

SPOILER ALERT: the Bright Rotary Waterslide goes left, then right, then right, then left, then right, then splash. That’s it! Let’s go home! Wait, keep your trunks on – it’s the small details that make this specific waterslide worthy of an especially enthusiastic “WHEE!”.

This waterslide, cheekily painted in a mock-grass green, hugs a tree-heavy riverbank before dropping you in turbid riverwater. It’s environmental, it’s rustic, it’s ooh la la au naturale. The entire operation is manned by rotary club volunteers, friendly old fuddy-duddies who say the darndest things (“now don’t you go riding down that slide backwards again now, that’s bound to be dangerous and you’re like to get yourself hurt now”). You can even save the world here (sort of), all while giggling like a little girl – this fun-raising fundraiser has picked up close to half a million dollars for the Bright community since opening in 1982.

If you don’t get any kicks from natural surrounds, charming oldies and goodwill towards mankind, you can always get off on the pervy bottom massage caused by the waterslide’s connecting ridges. You all know exactly what I’m talking about, liars.