The Thousands

Ghost tours require a suspension of disbelief for the heeby-jeeby magic to work. My experience of the Melbourne Lantern Ghost Tour was ruined by a snotty brat who explained all the tricks of the trade to me.

So I never felt the ‘energy’ and ‘presence’ that everyone was feeling at Rutledge Lane (Snotty Brat: “Everyone is just scared and imagining things”). I paid no heed to the groans (S. B.: “The sound of wood settling”) and the moans (S. B.: “The sound of trapped wind escaping”) of Quest Apartments. While the rest of the tour group was snapping away at Melbourne’s premier orb-sighting spot, we were tinkering with my camera to manufacture those round apparitions.

Snotty Brat fucked off eventually but my ghost mojo was already sapped by then. Fortunately, the tour caters surprisingly well for the jaded. Ultimately, it’s just a historical tour of Melbourne peppered with witty asides from the guides. The spooky tales, ranging from the sordid (mainly dead whores) to the almost charming (George the fisherman ghost of Platform Seven, Flinders Street Station), can be seen as a fun bonus. The only story that really got under my skin was the one about the ghost of a sceptical kid that was run over during one of the tours.