The Thousands

The thought of going without food for an extended period of time is nothing short of terrifying for the likes of me, let alone the twin gods of caffeine and alcohol. So imagine my surprise when my glamorous, fellow food-loving sidekick (let’s call her Beyonce) announced she was embarking on a week-long lemon detox diet, consisting of nothing but lemon juice, tree syrup, cayenne pepper and herbal tea.

I watched with increasing trepidation as the days ticked by, waiting for the inevitable breakdown – but it never came. She said she had a headache and felt tired for the first few days, but then reached a state of blissed-out calm, complaining only of feeling weirdly empty and cold. She did get pretty vague for a while there, though. It was funny.

The diet has its fans and detractors, but, as B says, “You got to ignore the haters.” She got through the seven days with flying colours, managing to attend several delicious BBQs (I can vouch for their deliciousness) without cracking, all the while cleaning out her system and losing a few kgs. As she puts it, “It was great to realise how much hunger is just cravings.” And I must say, she’s lookin’ crazy right now.