The Thousands

I recently fucked up a lemon tree. I planted it, I watered it, I fed it. It’s not like I snapped off its branches or set it on fire, but this happened. Gross! I’m pretty sure I would be making lemonade by now if I was a member of the Diggers Club.

The Diggers Club is for keen gardeners and those ‘just starting out’ like me (read: prone to kill). A yearly membership is guaranteed to give greener fingers – the best thing you could give this Christmas. Members get eight packets of free seeds a year, up to 30% discount on plants and seeds, six seasonal magazines full of products and helpful advice, and free entry to the Diggers Club gardens if you find yourself in Victoria. Heirloom and rare plants are the Diggers Club’s specialty. Things with weird colours: purple asparagus, green tomatoes, black radishes. Things with great names: moon and stars watermelons, crookneck pumpkins, lazy housewife beans. All of these things will be the envy of gardens and dinner tables everywhere.

This year they’re also throwing in a free calendar. Big poop, I know you are thinking. But this is not just any garden-themed annual. It ties in with the Diggers Club authority on planting fruit and vegetables in Australia, The Australian Fruit and Vegetable Garden. Each month comes with tips on what to plant whether you live somewhere ‘cool’ (Albany), ‘warm’ (North Perth) or ‘hot’ (Exmouth).