The Thousands

There is a breed of annoying people who collect rubber bands and make them into balls, that they squeeze in times of stress. Who are these people!? Well, I’ll tell you. They are the kind of people who chain paper clips together and turn them into necklaces, that’s who. The kind of people who have giant 5-colour stacks of Post-Its on their desks – more Post-Its than you could ever need in a lifetimes’ worth of needing to remember things, even if you develop early onset Alzheimer’s and need to Post-It the kettle as ‘kettle’ and the cat as ‘don’t eat’.

There is only one way to put an end to the annoying desk habits of these Post-It people. Buy them a pre-balled ball of elastic bands. Then throw their paper clips and 5-colour Post-Its into the paper shredder and watch ‘em squeeze.