The Thousands

There is no way you can’t notice us this week, we’re putting ourselves out there and doing some attention-grabbing things – rowing canoes into art galleries, riding with the top down, playing xylophone in giant orchestras.

We live by age old wisdom: 'don't knock glad-wrapping yourself to a lamp post until you’ve tried it'. See you at our Autoluminescent screening tonight!

Covershot by Sasha Borodinova. Wind yourself up in it like Sasha! Email us your best cover shot.

Frozen Ocean make Australian music. I'm not talking about no 'once a jolly jumbuck camped by a billabong' bullsh*t here but rather I'm talking about the general no nonsense way P-Bibbs and Mackay go about making their sounds/noises ('Snoises).

First of all, they're a two-piece which, in ditching the bassist, ties into Australia's hate of freeloaders and let's face it, if you look up 'freeloader' in the dictionary you'll probably see a picture of Adam Clayton or Guy Berryman. 'Who are they?' you ask, 'exactly' is my answer. Secondly you won't find any of that love nonsense anywhere on 'Snoises because Peter Muthafu*kin Bibby is too busy talking about important, blokey stuff like the refreshing power of cordial, Dianella or a general lack of biscuits in his immediate vicinity. Thirdly, it's just the vibe of the thing; honest, full of larrikinism but never far from a violent eruption - a bit like Barnesy's archetypal 'working class man' except you know, bearable.

There's this quote that gets thrown about: "Talking about music is like dancing about architecture." Its origins are disputed, though sometimes it's accredited to  Frank Zappa. It's pithy, sure, but we're thinking maybe we should take any aphorisms concocted by a dude who named his daughter Moon Unit with a grain of salt.

Benedict Moleta seems to think so, anyway. The debonair songwriter has momentarily traded in his guitar and vocal cords for the written word and a photocopier by way of a new zine, 'Perth Music Interviews'. The no-frills, 50-page publication documents twelve conversations with savvy local individuals, from filmmakers (Ben Stewart) to rappers (Mathas) to songsters (members of Rabbit Island, Hang On St. Christopher, The Tigers and many more).

A project like 'Perth Music Interviews' - in which one man chats to a group of folk who he likes both personally and musically, runs the risk of turning into a cliquey game of back-slapping. Moleta ensures that never happens, through his willingness to talk to a broad range of local characters from varied scenes and backgrounds, and through his ever sagely, probing questions. Rather than pushing an agenda, Moleta simply opens up a spectrum of perspectives - in which lie plenty of pearls of wisdom. If talking about music can be this insightful and absorbing, we can hardly wait to seeing Benedict Moleta dance about architecture sometime soon.

Ideas man and jauntily named critic Northrop Frye was pretty much obsessed with his theory that the Canadian artistic imagination was a direct function of frequent and unsettling encounters with the wilderness. I've always wondered if you could say the same thing about any country with great swathes of bush – the curators at OK Gallery suggest that you can.

Wilderness Years is the gallery's fourth show and its first with work from multiple artists. Nathan Barnett, David Egan, Tom Freeman, Ben Kovacy, Emma McPike and Jacob Ogden Smith have joined forces to produce a multi-disciplinary exhibition that explores their encounters with the wilderness.

Themes range from the concrete (Kovacy's full scale, hand-made canoe) to the metaphorical (Egan's work on the domestication of abstract expressionism). Contemporary mythologies have figured heavily into previous OK shows, so expect Wilderness Years to continue this trend by asking questions about the stories we create to understand our brushes with the wild.

Which came first - the chicken (Perth Fashion Festival), or the egg (Perth Fashion Week)? After some flaccid legal pecking by PFF's Mariella Harvey-Hanrahan against newcomer Sylvia Giacci from PFW, PFF are shoring up for the onslaught. Already the impending competion has lifted PFF's game. In a well-publicized coup they even secured post-natal Scary Spice (and her extended family) to attend this year's festival for 23 hours!

PFW scoffed and reminded us that Posh Spice was the fashion one and Mel B is only famous for banging Eddie Murphy. But PFW, how are you going to counter PFF's radtastic new fashion incubator Hatch in the Carillion? Hatch stocks the absolute freshest of Perth's local, youthful labels, including One Fell Swoop, The Butcher & The Crow, Little Gracie, Daniella Caputi and Zhivago, not to mention accessories from Teagan Sewell and Days Of Yore. Oh - you're looking at a space in Plaza Arcade? But howwww will you find someone half as good as uber-stylist Chelsey Wayte to set it up?! Oh, you're speaking to Rachel Zoe. Let the Giacci/Harvey-Hanrahan hen-fight begin!

Deadly ponies should exist in reality. They would greet geeks off the street with high-kicks not handshakes, only ever wear balaclava hats, trample on stereos playing Powderfinger, steal everybody’s icecream and just basically be furry four-legged legends.

Okapi Rider is the name of label Deadly Ponies’ latest range of bags and accessories. This range is not designed by my imaginary four-legged friends, unfortch. Or not so unfortch, as you will find once you clap eyes on the stuff crafted by Kiwi Liam Bowden. The line-up takes inspiration from the weird but beautiful ink drawings of Walton Ford, the crispy fierceness of the safari, the tug-and-tackle of the animal kingdom.

Lovers of DP will recognise the brass hardware, the slouchy shoulder styles with added sling, the capacious sizes perfect for squeezing illegal mammals and six years' worth of your favourite fattest novels in. But this time round Bowden has also down-sized to some neat pouch, laptop folios and square satchel options for those to whom less means actually less crap. These people exist, I am sure.

The bagstuffs are not what you’d call cheap. Is a trip to Africa cheap? Hells no! This is pretty much the same thing, except you can’t carry Africa around on your shoulder.

Plus, there are some goat mohawks dangling in ways that would make my nasty pony gang members proud. Yihhh boi!

To understand why Riot Grrrl mattered, you need to know that '80s punk and hardcore shows were a major sausage fest. Mostly male bands played to mosh pits full of middle class white dudes with shaved heads. Girls stuck to the sidelines, and for an 'alternative' scene, it was distressingly misogynistic, homophobic, and even racist.

Kerri Koch's documentary Don't Need You shows how Riot Grrrls disrupted the patriarchy of punk, forming their own bands, starting their own record labels, running live music venues, and making zines, all with a pro-girl attitude and a variety of female perspectives. Their antics made audiences think about gender, from telling guys to move to the back of the audience so the girls could be up front for once, to charging entry fees of "$3 for boys, $2 for girls or boys who come wearing a bra". The effect they had is still palpable in Ian Mackaye's inability to describe just how awesome it was the first time he saw Kathleen Hanna's Bikini Kill. Ian and Kathleen feature prominently alongside Allison Wolfe (Bratmobile), Corin Tucker (Heavens To Betsy / Sleater-Kinney), and many more.

It's disheartening to watch how the mainstream media portrayed the movement as a group of trendy, grudge-toting man haters. And it's a bummer to think now about how rampant misogyny still is in other creative arenas (read Tina Fey's Bossypants or the New Yorker's Anna Faris article, 'Funny Like a Guy'). Recommended viewing for both girls and boys.

Things have been a bit quiet late this year in terms of new watering holes, with the exception of killer South Freo corner bar Who’s Your Mumma and now, La Cholita, a Mexican bar-com-eatery in Northbridge. Clint Nolan is the friendly entrepreneur dude-man behind both venues (and also Harvest Restaurant). We like that Nolan is bringing back the ‘corner block’. Both bars are wrapped around otherwise forgettable corners, the doors open to the street, with a welcoming energy reminiscent of the traditional idea of the ‘corner store’ - a place where not only streets, but people, can intersect. With so many creatively minded entrepreneurs working in the area (our studio is a five minute walk away!), the American-style ‘neighbourhood bar’ vibe is going to be so strong.

You want to know about the food and booze part? It's good. We knocked back a fair few bottles of the crisp Dos Equis Lager, shared a jug of house sangria and tried a sweet tequila cocktail that featured peach schnapps and egg white. Mental note: La Cholita has a whopping 67 types of tequila! The Mexican tapas-style menu choices are all very reasonably priced -  perfect as snacks for nights out; or ordered plentifully for a night where dining is the priority. Standouts were the home-made tortilla chips and guacamole, zucchini and cheese quesadillas, ocean trout and pineapple ‘bites’ and an icecream Chimichanga (you will die). Plus amazing fish tacos – as good as any in LA.

Am I the only person who nearly pukes when they see P-platers cruising with the top down and their hands in the air in new BMW convertibles? My guess is: probably not. So why let the rich kids have all the fun? Road trips are just as good in a Torana or Corolla. And would you want to drive through Scarborough without a roof on anyway?

It's way better when there's a movie at the end of the winding coastal trail, so luckily Perth Festival are putting on a tasty array of festival films again at Joondalup Pines. First up on the outdoor screen is Tomboy, in the tradition of movies about French gender-bending pre-adolescents. You can pack your own basket, arrive early to watch the ducks on the teeny university lake and all the hot uni students heading on the reverse road trip journey to Metros Freo.

And if you really need a convertible, there's always the theft option, although it's been done before. Better still, indulge in a bit of DIY.

I love the idea that when Some Kind of Monster came out there were all these metal dudes who went to see the Ultimate Metal Documentary but who ended up basically seeing two hours of grown men (especially Dave Mustaine) crying. Hip-hop karaoke too is very enjoyable but not necessarily for aficionados of the genre. Unless of course you're the kind of aficionado who can totally get behind skinny middle-class, white-boys (and the odd hyper-enthused, wide-eyed gal) rapping about dealing smack and black political disfranchisement. It's the final showdown of the year so this edition will feature nothing but the dopest mic spitters.

All the best things happen at night: full moons, vampires, this kinda thing. Those cool cats over at OnWilliam have decided no, that’s not enough - there needs to be more! Lots more! And boy have they delivered. Illuminites is OnWilliam’s night market, this week featuring William Topp, Rummage, Mirth from Perth, and ZOKITEE, with many more to come next Friday. Basically, it’s a whole bunch of local creative talent supplying you with great alternative Christmas options. All aboard the night train!

"It used to be that strip club, then that rock club..." All the best indie all-nighters that become legendary in Perth had their beginnings at, erm, 'surprising' venue choices: Sexy was at a dodgy male strip club, Cassette was at a time-worn karaoke bar. Despite the 'Guidos and slappers' vibe Ginger Nightclub has rocked thus far, Travis Døøm and co's new Berlin! Friday nighter is set to change all that, thanks to a large dollop of excellent tunes and the right people (ie you). This week Clunk from Don't Sleep, James Tron and Travis Døøm bring the four-to-the-floor from four corners of the globe. Gingers has one of Perth's 'old' late night licences, too, so you won't be sent home at 2am.

From Godzilla to cities to men transformed into giant superheroes via nipple electrocution - when it comes to making things big, the Japanese take the cake. So too when legendary conductor Otomo Yoshihide was brought to Perth as part of PICA’s Alternating Currents he set about assembling a 100-strong mega-orchestra made up of willing members of the public. If you can hold an instrument or string a tune together you’re welcome to join the fun. If you can’t you can still head down to witness a musical spectacular of Neon Genesis-like proportions.

The Floors are doing a mini-tour of WA this month, to celebrate all their members being back in the same state. They're calling it 'Loud and Dirty', which is funny because that’s the state my house was in on the weekend when front man Luke Dux decided to throw a party there. The tour kicks off this Saturday at Ya-Ya’s with support from The Disintegrates, Scalphunter and Call Collector. After you enjoy the Floors’ blues-rock escapades tell Luke to get his arse back to mine to clean up all the cigarette butts and broken beer bottles in my backyard.

Happy eighth day of Summer. Even if the last few rainy days haven’t felt like it, thanks to our old friend La Nina who rears her ugly head every few years. Soon he will be gone and we will be back to on the road to the Summer we know and love. The ones where we spend lazy days cruising vintage sales for pretty frocks, dapper shorts, and vintage bicycles. All of which will be in plentiful supply at the Huge Vintage Sale, along with a taco cart, a mobile record store, and a well-stocked bar (open from midday). Get rid of your winter eating pants and get into some summer dancing pants because La Nina is not here to stay.

Melbourne store Someday may have excellent taste in fashion, music, books and basically everything but I’m not sure about their business acumen. On the one hand, taking their juggernaught of good taste on tour to Perth is shrewd. My Business for Dummies book states that businesses should ‘go where the money is’ and we certainly have a lot of the stuff (I’m pretty sure the Kimberley is made out of money or something like that). On the other hand, packing up their stock of Norse, Supreme, Neighbourhood and P.A.M. (their incredibly fashion-forward, excellent in-house designer brand) and shipping it 3000km to a King Street storefront would be an expensive and timely proposition. Which then begs the question why they decided to put everything on sale once they got it here which, if my understanding is correct, involves reducing the price of the goods on offer to much less than you would usually pay for them?

Maybe I shouldn’t be mentioning any of this and just taking advantage of their generosity/possible idiocy for the next five days (Thur Dec 8 – Mon Dec 12, 10am-6pm) at 2/90 King Street, Perth - but if Agent Scully has taught me anything it’s always to be sceptical of stuff, like really sceptical... even if you’ve seen the aliens like 1000 times and been on their spaceship.