The Thousands

Tuesday December 22

After sending you all the "final issue of the year" last Thursday, we shut our laptops, had a glass of water, and started drumming our fingers on the table. "Oh boy oh boy!" we were thinking to ourselves, "How good are holidays?!". Yeah, that's right, we suck at holidays. To tell you the truth, (besides the odd kick-ass party) we don't mind spending this festive season in front of our laptops.

Making an Xmas edition of a city guide is way less dodgy than playing dirty blues with old men, puffing on cigars and looking at nudie pictures. That said, if there were some good summer reading advice handy, some decent BBQ sauce maybe, even a nice pair of togs to sun ourselves in, we'd be all over this ‘holiday' business like your Aunty Marg will be all over that bottle of rum come Friday.

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Cover image by Bea Fremderman. If you wanna put your snap on the map email danielle@rightanglestudio.com.au

What:
Summer reading

Where:
In stores and online

When:
Most can be with you before Christmas, or buy a subscription and tell your giftee to wait for it.

How much:
$14.95-$200

Nothing divides sentient humanity like a summer reading list, so I want to clarify that the following books have been chosen according to a unique set of criteria that I made up just then. Will it make me look smart if falls out my bag? Is it waterproof? Can I email the author if I want to ask annoying questions? Can I use it as an excuse for being disorganised about Christmas? In many cases below, the answer is yes.

Read 1: McSweeney's Issue 33, The San Francisco Panorama
Details: US $16 plus shipping from The McSweeney's Store. The most ambitious McSweeney's project ever: they made a newspaper. The newspaper of your dreams.

Read 2: My Name Is Charles Saatchi And I Am An Artoholic
Details: AUD $14.95 at Oxford St Books and Planet Books. Charles Saatchi is the world's most famous art collector. Refuses to be interviewed. These are the only answers he's ever giving. Will fit in your pocket; quite a few mentions of Nigella's boobs.

Read 3: The Thing Quarterly
Details: Current subscriptions US $200 from here. The Thing sends you a piece of art every issue. Recent editions include a window blind by Miranda July that says "When this shade is down I'm not the person you think I am." Current issue: pretend glasses by Jonathan Lethem.

Read 4: Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These, Amanda Maxwell and Sarah Larnach.
Details: $24 at Serps Press and The Thousands Shop. Amanda should stop what she's doing and write short stories the whole time. We see you Amanda, get back to your desk.

Read 5: The Psychic Soviet, Ian Svenonius
Details: Prices vary wildly, Sunshine & Grease and Drag City. Waterproof collection of philosophical rants by Ian Svenonius, published by Drag City. If you don't know who Ian Svenonius is lucky it's waterproof because imma dump this bucket of beans on you.

By Penny Modra

What:
Robusto Selection

Where:
Devlin's, Shop 47 London Court, Perth and 411 Hay Street, Subiaco

How much:
$163.25

Contact:
08 9225 5422 or josh@devlinsonline.com.au

Every stinkin' one of my heroes (well anti-heroes) has a penchant for stogies. There's Tony Montana, Eastwood's ‘The Man with No Name', Bunk from The Wire, Monica Lewinsky's vagina, Alfred Hitchcock, Mahatma Gandhi... ok not Gandhi, but if only he knew about the Devlin's Robusto Selection.

The robusto is the most popular cigar size in the world, combining a larger ring gauge in a medium-size smoke. This selection features six stunning handmade Cuban Robustos, including 2007 Cigar Of The Year the Bolivar Royal Corona. The five others possess equally cool-sounding names: the Ramon Allones Specially Selected, a Partagas Serie D No. 4, a Hoyo de Monterrey Epicure No. 2, an El Rey Del Mundo Choix Supreme, and last but not least the H. Upmann Connoisseur No. 1.

The modest cigar has long been the staple of the Revolutionary, the Badass, and the Arch-villain alike. With a half-dozen Robustos in your pocket you're the anti-hero of your own story.

By Jimmy Jack

What:
Bags!

Where:
In stores and online

When:
Most can be with you before Christmas

How much:
$10-$490

As much as we like to think of ourselves as unhindered, wireless creatures from the future, the amount of stuff we lug around gets more ridiculous by the minute. Ever tried leaving the house without a bag? Nuts. Or even a spare bag to go in that bag, just in case you get more stuff? Forget about it. Here are a few of the nicest totes'n'stuff carriers we've spotted of late:

Bag 1. XL Leather tote
Details: $265, Pigeon Hole, shop 16, Bon Marche Arcade, 80 Barrack St, city. Simple leather tote with a 'less is more' Bauhaus breeding.

Bag 2. Note To Self totes
Details: $80-$120, The Thousands Shop, individually crafted Japanese selvage denim totes.

Bag 3. Nieves Tote
Details: $22, from Teeluxe online. Will carry loads of zines, a limited run in white!

Bag 4. Mr Kayak leather shoulderbag
Details: $490, Behind The Monkey, 479 Beaufort St, Highgate. Made by NZ bag experts Deadly Ponies. This one is a roll-down leather multi-use bag, with brass hardware.

Bag 5. Kanken Backpack
Details: US $80 + shipping, Oooga Booga store, LA. These Swedish beauties make backpacks look good again.

By Max Olijnyk

What:
Third Drawer Down Miranda July pillowcase set

Where:
Remedy, 131 Oxford St, Leedervile, or online here

How much:
$65

Contact:
sales@thirddrawerdown.com

If Miranda July were our real life friend, she'd be damn annoying ok? To be honest we're only saying that cause we're jealous. But humour us, imagine that you are her pal. A pal who does pal-type stuff like have dinner and shop together. However, instead of eating, Miranda uses the peas and corn to spell out a series of kooky poems on your kitchen table. Or when you go shopping, she films the whole thing on a handycam. And then replays it backwards to you, sound-tracking it with jam jars and aluminium foil.

When you let her crash at your house after a night on the tiles, you wake up to find that she's written a bunch of random stuff in black permanent marker on your pillowcases ("Here you will dream of endless kissing" and "Here you will dream of people you admire exposing your fraudulence"). Not cool, right? RIGHT?
Man, this theory blows. Even more so when we tell you that every set of limited edition Miranda July pillowcases comes with a poster and a copy of Issue #16 of Berlin magazine mono. kultur, which features an interview with July.

By Danielle Marsland

What:
Fantastic Mr Fox

Where:
In cinemas from January 1

Watch the trailer:
Here

Win:
Thanks to Fox, we have 3 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@sixthousand.com.au with the subject ‘If you're gonna cuss, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!'

I was dubious about Wes Anderson's take on Roald Dahl's darkly gleeful caper about a cheeky fox who steals from three awful farmers. But Anderson's mannered directorial trademarks work well with the stop-motion animation. There are funny sight gags and quotable lines aplenty, including perhaps the best thing anyone's ever said to Jarvis Cocker in years: "That was a bad song."

George Clooney's not an Anderson regular, but casting him in the title role as a vulpine Danny Ocean was a work of intertextual genius. With his reckless charm, he plays well against Meryl Streep's sardonically sexy Mrs Fox. In a subplot invented for the film, Jason Schwartzman is Fox's misfit son Ash, who's passive-aggressively cruel to his overachieving cousin Kristofferson (Eric Chase Anderson). But their rivalry enriches rather than distracts from the plot.

Bill Murray feels under-used here as Fox's lawyer mate Badger, but most other roles are delightful, especially Willem Dafoe's "when you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way" take on Rat. Charming, beautifully detailed, free of fatuous self-consciousness and completely in the spirit of its source material, Fantastic Mr Fox is Wes Anderson's best movie in years.

By Mel Campbell

What:
Sumo

Who:
Helmut Newton

Where:
Oxford St Books, 119 Oxford St, Leederville

How much:
$350 RRP

Let's face it. Everyone masturbates. I do. You do. K Rudd does. But PM can't just slip into Caltex and grab a copy of Penthouse with his unleaded. Sure Manhattan strip joints were tolerated pre-election, but now brother's got to jerk-off with discretion. That's where Helmut Newton's Sumo comes in.

Measuring 570mm x 340mm x 80mm and weighing in at 4.73 kgs, Sumo shits on every damn high-art-photography book like ever. The original large format retailed for USD $21,000 and shipped with it's own display table. By comparison, the current release is a steal at AUD $350 with a hands-free mini stand. The pages that are most stuck together feature 80s Amazonians flaunting their enormous sans-silicone tits and hirsute beavers in urbane environs.

Even with Therese's recent weight loss, she wasn't exactly inducing wood. But, thanks to Sumo the Lodge is no longer an EFZ (ejaculation free zone).

By Jimmy Jack

What:
Hohner Blues Harmonica in Key of C

Where:
Most music stores

How much:
Around $55

Related links:
Do not play it like PM

"I got them waken' up late, sleeping' past alarm, milk's not expired but tastes like last November, bruised apple that smacks of flour, spinning wheel of death, 19 dollars in my bank account, bills with disconnection warning, dropped my fork on the floor, gotta get to an appointment, left the lights on in the car, now it's got a flat battery, waiting for a tram in the rain with inside-out umbrella and a hole in my sole, stepped into a puddle, too crowded for me to get on and my pocket's dropping change, late for the doctor whose got some news for me, snapped handle on my shopping bag, keys in opposite pocket blues."

We all get the blues and one sure-fire way to get rid of them blues is with a genuine, bona fide blues extractor. Wrap your gums around a harp, turn that frown upside down and those blues into Blues. Hohner Blues Harmonica in Key of C. (Tip: Start in C, the rest will follow.) Rating. Excruciating to nonchalantly cool.

By James Cameron

What:
Seventh Wonderland bathers

Where:
Atlas Divine, 121 Oxford St, Leederville or online at The Grand Social

How much:
$230 (for laser cut onesies)

Contact:
www.seventhwonderland.com or info@seventhwonderland.com

There was a time when an "impromptu dip" in a pal's pool meant stripping down to Target undies and borrowing an old tee emblazoned with the words ‘Rottnest: Take Me To The Island!'. You'd paddle. You were happy. And if the chlorine ruined the Rotto shirt, no biggie.

These days, wearing old tees and Target undies isn't an option. Because some where between then and now, swimming got fancy. People are making bathers with lasers goddammit! Lasers!
Seventh Wonderland's 50s style cuts feature intricate laser cut patterns; artworks of tiny, delicate holes, put there by a fancy laser machine.

So holey are these styles, that failing to SPF underneath your bathers (not just around the material bits) might result in a sunburnt stencilled masterpiece.

By Danielle Marsland

What:
Ksubi Book Club Sunglasses

Where:
Wasteland, Varga Girl, and Father

How much:
$289 - $329

Contact:
8303 1400

You know how some labels get kinda ruined by the people who wear them? Like how Burberry became to Chavs what Keppers were to homies? Or how the Southern Cross, a perfectly pleasant little constellation, got brandished by mean, bashy bogans, and is now henceforth a starry symbol of small-mindedness? The list could go on. It's not the thing's fault - it is like the cute child bickered over by big business and crazy consumers.

Enter Ksubi, a pretty neat Aussie can-do designer story, revolutionising skinny jeans, oversized graphic tees, dance parties and rats skipping along runways since 2000. Pretty ok, right? But yet I felt that unless I was a human-shaped toothpick more attached at the hip to Bondi than the Caveman, Ksubi and me couldn't mix.

That is, until I saw this fetching eyewear campaign, with highly impractical book-shaped hats that most surfers or sandcombers would thumb their sunburnt noses at. I love books! I love hats! I love glasses that resemble explorer goggles! So, maybe Ksubi and I can be friends after all. Fingers crossed those shiny wooden batons come with, cos no doubt before long a bogan/Chav/homie will try and roll me for 'em.

By Angela Bennetts

What:
Cherry Cake

Where:
Your house, or mine

When:
Christmas

How much:
$10 or thereabouts

Christmas Pudding definitely does not cut it on a hot summer's day. It's too dreary and wintery. Plus, too many dried fruits remind me of the apocalypse. Who wants that when you're trying to think of new beginnings? Alcohol infused Cherry Cake - now, that's a different story. This cake is the edible embodiment of Miranda July - sweet, cute looking, a little sinister. And, contrary to popular belief, we don't have winter Christmas'. We don't need no winter food.

To make it you need alcohol (brandy, coconut rum, amaretto, goon) to soak the cherries in. Soak the cherries atleast a few days before you make the cake. OK - here's a list of ingredients.

Alcohol
500g Cherries (pitted)
200g Butter
200g Sugar, sugar
4 eggs (yolks and whites split)
Rind of a lemon
Pinch o Salt
250g SR Flour
2 tbsp milk
Icing sugar to sprinkle

Read the method to the madness here.

By Sarah Werkmeister

What:
Adopting a dog

Where:
The Dogs' Refuge Home, 30 Lemnos St, Shenton Park

When:
Wait until after Christmas when the abandoned pets arrive, or when you're ready.

How much:
About $300 for starters

Ever since fleeing the family home all those years ago, I have felt something missing from my life. Spare cash? Certainly. Home cooked meals? That too. Aside from all that, a certain gentle presence has been lacking, in the shape of a Jack Russell Terrier. Those little bundles of unconditional love, who literally wet themselves when you open the door and to whom the prospect of going for a walk with you is brain-meltingly exciting. And when you're feeling down or simply a bit tired, they smile at you with their kind eyes, jump onto your lap and go to sleep.

After years of searching, I finally found my trusty sidekick Tess last week and instantly, life is better. She has a few neuroses to iron out, but so would you if you were dumped by your family and lived in a cage for the last couple of months. She's so happy and thankful to have a new home; it's a joy to behold.

Sure, it's a huge responsibility and I have no doubt there will be times when she drives me nuts. Regardless, I cannot recommend adopting a dog highly enough. Take a trip to the Dogs' Refuge Home this summer, I dare you. You'll know when you see yours!

By Max Olijnyk

Employer:
Lover

Position:
Design assistant

Where and when:
Sydney, early 2010

Apply:
Send a resume and 1 to 3 low-res examples of your work to jobs@loverthelabel.com by Jan 11.

Lover is the quirky pairing of Susien Chong and Nic Briand. They design covetable femme fashion with a romantic twist. Charlotte Gainsbourg even wants to slip into their swimmers on the silver screen! Lover loves Leonard Cohen, milk chocolate and Picnic at Hanging Rock... and now they want to love you too!

A rare opportunity has been created for a design assistant to join the team at Lover. Susien and Nic say the role will require:

- creative flair
- design talent
- problem solving and multi-tasking skills
- (all the things you have!)

You will be working beside both creative directors on concept through to final design, fittings and sample co-ordination. A design degree in fashion is essential. Photoshop and Illustrator skills would be a plus. A passion for music, film, art, and popular culture will help no end. This position will give the successful applicant room to grow within the role and the company. Be a lover, not a you know what.

What:
The Oak & Ivy: Creepy Christmas

Where:
The Oak & Ivy, 560 Hay St, Perth (basement Criterion hotel)

When:
Wed Dec 23, 8pm-12.30am

How much:
Free ($5 spirits, $6 pints!)

Possibly the best thing about going to the Oak every Wednesday is the two or three, fairly elderly barflys who still kick back at the bar with their pints. Despite the fact that their badly carpeted, fairly seedy, formerly-perpetually-empty bar is now packed to the rafters with dapper young folk dancing to Annie Lennox and drinking $5 pineapple and vodkas. Wear something with pockets so you have somewhere to stash your $1 raffle tickets. DJs Jingle Bobby and Simon Zealotes keep things fresh with Christmass-y type tunes for the barflys this week. -DM.

What:
Operation: Rehydrate Orry

Where:
Pre-climb rendezvous outside Perth Town Hall

When:
Wed Dec 23, 11pm-1am

How much:
$ equiv of 10 litres Gatorade

Last week a group of juvenile delinquents went roof-topping across the greater CBD and stumbled upon Perth's tallest tower crane. Crane Climbing For Dummies outlines three main steps for ascension: 1. enter construction site, 2. find crane, and 3. climb crane. Nowhere does it say 4. recreate Niagra Falls with crane operator's 10L water container (nametagged ‘Orry') and giggle profusely. The day after was 36'C. Orry would have taken 20 minutes to climb that fucker in full sun. We can safely assume Orry is parched as. -JJ.

What:
27 Steps, No. 1

Where:
Connections' Rooftop Terrace, 81 James St, Northbridge (entry via Roe St carpark)

When:
Sun Dec 27, 6pm-12am
Then last Sun of every month during summer

How much:
$5 (incl BBQ)

‘Closet' fan of Connections nightclub? Us too. Especially when smashed in the wee hours of a Wednesday morning. But considering it's a balls ‘n' all gay bar, why not just ‘come out of the closet' and admit this is some god damn good dancing digs? And that rooftop terrace is summin' else, right? (NB best overview of Perth's cranes - not that you'd be planning anything illegal). Get your serve of BBQ beef from pit boss Ashley Wallace (voted 'Perth's best barbecue sauce' in Ferris Bulwer's end-of-year poll). {move} over for Ben Taaffe, Ben Mifflin and Nikolas Patterson (AKA Oak & Ivy's ‘Son Of The Father').- DM.

Words don't come easy and in June, Max (Assistant Editor of our sister publication ThreeThousand) wrote an article on a bag that was so good that we have decided to make another bag just to honour it. It's called The Thousands Quote Tote and it is the first in the series of bags using our words and the skills of designer and bag-maker extraordinaire Hannah Chipkin from Chip Chop.

Screen printed on canvas beach bag and produced in a limited edition, The Thousands Quote is available exclusively through The Thousands Shop. We have one tote, valued at $50 - to give away! To enter, just answer the following question.

This week's question:
The Quote Tote is

a) not your average weekender

b) toting the shit out of your stuff, all over town

c) no tent bag

d) freaking out all the squares

Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@sixthousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry! Not a subscriber? It's free you bananas! Sign up here.

SixThousand is a weekly snapshot of Perth's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we call creativity. Without editorial independence SixThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.

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MANAGING DIRECTOR
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frunch@rightanglestudio.com.au

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Nadia Saccardo
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Tom Cramond

SENIOR CONTRIBUTORS
Penny Modra
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Lisa Lerkenfeldt