The Thousands

Top priority is finding a pal this week. A sidekick, a deputy - call it what you will, it's clear things get done and fun gets had in twos. Two guys from Broome got together and now their music is all over Germany, tea met scones at Tranby House. There are two lovers in a free doco screening, two disciplines - fashion and textiles - together in one show, and two amazing exhibitions to start the weekend.

Cover shot by Lyndon Blue. Make trouble on the double like Lyndon, send us your covers!

New local indie duo Anton Franc have taken a leaf out of the Hoff’s musical career handbook and conquered Germany first. ‘Letting Go’, the initial single off their debut self-titled EP, was plucked off the world wide web and used by German bank R+V for their latest television ad campaign. With the extra moolah in their pockets, Josh and Jamie (aka Anton Franc) were able to record and release the EP properly.

Full of haunting melodies and instrumental creativity, the EP came about during the duo's exile in the heart of the Kimberley for their fifth year rural medical placement (yep, that’s right, they save lives and write sweet tunes). Consequently, the songs reflect the sparse landscape and isolation that only the deepest North West surrounds can inspire. We’re not sure what’s next for these medical/musical virtuosos, but we sure hope it’s not cheeseburgers.

The state of my room is a legitimate concern. To get from one end to the other, I must to clamber over a veritable Kilimanjaro of clothes, swim through a lagoon of CDs, fend off an army of stationery and craft supplies and evade a Raiders-of-the-Lost-Ark style boulder composed of day-to-day detritus as it pursues me through a train-ticket cemetery. The question is: if this chaos is really such a blight on my lifestyle, why don't I just man up, put aside a fortnight and tidy the joint? Truth is, I've got no excuses. Well, I didn't. That's all about to change now that I've acquired this little anthology of alibis from the Perth Zine Collective, penned by the procrastination-savvy Emily Boyd.

Reasons Why I Haven't Cleaned My Room: A Series of Excuses for Persons Suffering from a Severe Lack of Room Cleaning Motivation and Intent, is a surprisingly neat local zine dedicated to the writer's mother. Inside are 14 extremely valid reasons as to why one's quarters might not be spotless, including the discovery of archaeological artifacts, bearded shark attacks, the reluctance to disturb copulating ants, and the deployment of personal clutter as a form of metaphorical political protest. Right on!

In fact, these excuses are so convincing that I've pretty much abandoned the idea of tidying up altogether. On my door is note to addressed to myself: Hey man, sorry I haven't cleaned my room. Way too busy reading awesome zines.

I think we can all agree that March was a pretty shit time for the world. Africa was in political turmoil at the same time as Japan was being trampled by a trifecta of devastation in the form of an earthquake, followed by a tsunami, followed by nuclear meltdown. It’s appropriate then, that upcoming exhibition Alternating Currents - Japanese Art After March 2011 should work in threes.

Three curators, from three countries, across three exhibitions, in three locations finds us on the Perth leg of Omnilogue, exploring the aftermath of Japan’s catastrophic run of bad luck with (two times) three artists. Sound and installation artist Yukio Fujimotoh will have you walking on coal, Taro Izumi is building a giant sugoroku board, while new media artists Nadegata Instant Party will be feeding you yellowcake. If that’s not punishment enough ex-punk rocker Yuko Mohri buys the time Mother Nature couldn’t afford in Japan by developing a slow moving environment in her installation piece. Otomo Yoshihide draws attention to Japan’s current crisis with his Double Orchestra and Sakiko Sugawa elects to talk it over at dinner. That’ll be (two times) three important lessons on how to endure the unendurable.

As far as names go, David Collins is pretty plain. Your dentist could be called David Collins, with a bunch of letters after his name ('David Collins, M.D., D.D.S.') to make you trust him more. Even though you already do, because nobody with a name that plain could possibly wreak any kind of havoc on the world, let alone your body. Perth photographer David Collins obviously didn’t get the ‘here is what the world expects from you’ memo - his work is anything but plain and does wreak havoc upon the body; in regards to not only the human form, but the collective body of contemporary photography.

White Rhino might be the exhibition we reflect back upon as the moment when Collins transitioned from emerging artist to something greater – the content displays a noticeable leap from his last exhibition, 2010’s Thoth at PCP: White Rhino’s compositions are less rambling and more focused, the colouring is richer, the sense of narrative cohesion amongst the works; greater.

Collins’ works are overwhelming, pornographic almost – you don’t know where to look, but you cant stop looking. Densely packed landscapes of bodies lie draped over each other in some nondescript Eden-like setting - indulging in the idle pastimes of days gone, they are expertly rendered Gods and Goddesses in front of Collins’ lens. Yet the figures are mere mortal, young people from Perth (look out for Collins’ co-conspirator and fellow Linton & Kay artist Abdul Abdullah), subtly suggesting that the privileged, self-centric circumstances of today’s generation are not that far removed from the naked grape eating times of worlds ago. With such a meticulous eye, David Collins would make a damn good dentist. But we’re glad he chose photography.

I know what you’re thinking. Another page ripped off your Far Side desk-calendar, another online shop. Or maybe you were thinking about bagels. But whatever. This is not just another online shop. It IS an online shop, but it has something most others don’t – a conscience!

Final Episode started out like those other guys a year and a bit ago. It had a very nice range of accessories from Pamela Love, Cast of Vices, Jeremy Scott, Julia deVille, Deadly Ponies and more. It even dabbled in feel-good times by donating to a different charity every month, and by sending things to you in the post for free (does it make me a bad person that I prefer that one?)

But then it did a big-assed yawn and got sick of all that. It wanted more. It looked itself in the mirror and thought, but what kind of more? Like most suffering an identity crisis, it then went out and bought a red-hot Porsche. I jest! No, it became a different kind of guy, promoting what it likes to call a ‘public showroom for today’s best independent design’. It has started adding in new designers that aren’t necessarily big names, but do good things, like: Estelle, Serpent & The Swan, Diaz, Man and Recreational.

Most of these are Australian-based and sustainable. And they get to pick what charity 10% of their sales go to. Plus, FE has Objects and Print projects in the works, collabing with some fa-resh designers (you?). So yeah, it’s same same – but definitely different.

If summer hasn't hit you around the bits where skin rubs on skin yet, you'll be feeling it from now on. Girls, its muggy! Take off your layers and let loose the linens. But for those questioning how to add a bit of zhoozh to what will be a season of undeniably short, paired-back and minimal outfits, the way forward is to accessorise with fruity colour.

Gorman have got one of Australia's best emerging designers under their cinch belt at the moment. Accessories designer Sara Bailes has returned from working as Karen Walker's right-hand woman, creating the IT jewellery of the last four seasons - and her latest offerings as part of Gorman's new team are simple and chic adornments for summer.

These hand made necklaces, cuffs and charms are playfully abstracted and the bold colour ways mean they work well with a strong coloured outfit or as stand-alone pieces on top of a beige sack-o-potatoes dress. Heck, wear it with a swimsuit. But if the weather keeps going this way, the only thing I'm going to be wearing is sunscreen and a bird necklace.

John Madden’s Nazi-hunting spy thriller recalls the aphorism, “The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.” The Debt intertwines two stories: a Mossad operation in 1966 East Berlin to arrest the ‘Surgeon of Birkenau’ (a wonderfully malevolent Jesper Christensen); and a postscript, 30 years later, in which the three Israeli agents must finally pay their mission’s ‘debt’.

This narrative’s power depends on conveying lingering guilt and a lasting desire for atonement… but speaking of Atonement, that film had much more convincing casting. It isn’t merely implausible that Sam Worthington somehow morphs into Ciaran Hinds, Marton Csokas into Tom Wilkinson and Jessica Chastain into Helen Mirren – it corrodes The Debt’s crucial relationship between past and present. So, while Mirren is compelling as central character Rachel Singer, Chastain’s scenes don’t seem to inform hers.

The ’60s story is more intriguing. Apart from the satisfying Bondian cocktail of guns, scissor holds, subterfuge and sexual tension, the young spies flounder as their cunning captive unerringly probes their weaknesses. Worthington can’t do an Israeli accent at all, but nonetheless he embodies a simultaneous stolidity and vulnerability that makes him both the team’s weakest link and its moral compass.

Back in the olden days people went to Maylands for three things; duck hunting, brick making and boozy afternoon tea. Now-a-days we can’t be bothered digging for clay and would rather leave our feathered friends alone, but tea with scones sounds rad.

The peninsular teahouse is a historic settler’s cottage on a beautiful bit of the Swan that meanders through natural bush.  On the weekend, local monarchists don their tweed and trilbies and discuss all things British over Perth’s finest high tea. During a two-hour sitting you’re treated to three tiers of tea cakes, fresh warm scones and oh-so-dainty finger sandwiches. There’s a bunch of fancy loose-leaf green, black or flavoured teas served in 1920s silverware and bone china.

If it’s sunny you might want to sit outdoors on wicker chairs sipping a bottle of sparkling or your fave summery ale. Tranby house is the only place you can say ‘darling, please pass me a cucumber sandwich’ - without sounding like a total twat.

In the ‘60s, The Factory was America’s hub of postmodern art. Andy Warhol painted a New York loft silver and filled it with his friends, fans, followers and flunkies. In the process, he made everybody – especially himself – positively famous. If only for 15 minutes.

Curtin University’s highly anticipated fashion grad’ show – also called The Factory – promises to stick in your memory for longer than a quarter of an hour. Some of WA’s most promising fashion students have collections walking in this show. Jeromy Lim, Emma Young, Tayler Ainley and Emily Hewitt will be flashing fashion across the catwalk with audacious visions ranging from apocalyptic hunting women, post-nu rave dandy men and garments engorged with crystal growths.

Set at Midland’s epic Old Railway Workshops, the backdrop promises to be stark and industrial, perfect for pitching and projecting the talent against. What to wear? Simple! Silver, some sunnies and your best Warhol wig.

In TV world there’s this thing called ‘Sweeps Months’ where networks and their writers go all out in getting ratings up. That’s about the time alien autopsies and surprise lesbian storylines inexplicably make it in to the plotlines. Melbourne-based artist Jacqui Stockdale doesn't need a ratings boost for her papercuts and bloodlines exhibition at Venn Gallery but offers a private glimpse into her relationship with lover and muse Rose Mastroianni in the Artscape (ABCTV) documentary Heart. Eat it, Cougartown.

Was anyone disappointed that the Y2K bug never happened? Because, we know we were. And maybe it has nothing to do with anything but this 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th year thing is getting us all worked up for another chance for some post-apocalyptic pandemonium. The guys organising the 111111 Warehouse Party are greeting the end of civilsation by offering us one last chance to crack out the parachute pants and blue eye shadow. Giving you the opportunity to party like it’s 1999, again.

Ahh Movember, that time of the year when I stare jealously at the array of mo’mentous upper lip decorations whilst simultaneously trying to conceal my own ca’tash’trophe. Well thankfully (for the follically challenged such as myself) there is another way to contribute to the cause and one that doesn’t involve Tobias Fünke style hair plugs and a whole lot of Miracle-Gro. Lomovember will see a hundred photos in assorted lomo formats on display alongside a silent auction and a raffle with some killer prizes. So mo’sey on down, and help raise essential funds for men's health issues.

Beaufort Street Festival is to Beaufort Street what Nicki Minaj’s rapping is to the song ‘Monster’. That is, a piece of magic which can take something that’s already great and make it explode with awesomeness. Think I’m exaggerating? Check out the music line-up, it’s practically In The Pines but with better food. There’s also more art and fashion than you could poke a stick at (I’m not sure why you’d want to poke art or fashion with a stick except maybe as some sort of performance piece) and community events too, like the Steampunk Sideshow. Don’t look at me like that...STEAMPUNKS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

Spring has officially sprung and if you know anything about seasons, you'll know Spring's got this whole 'new life' shtick going on. The team at Beaufort Street store Test Tube certainly know it. They're debuting a range of Earth-friendly items to coincide with Bofo; items that get right into that new life idea. Thrifty designer Kirsten Masgai has taken derelict kurbside bikes and reincarnated them as sweet furniture; organic 'Micro Herbs' grown in German glass beakers will add fresh life to any salad, and accompanying 'Heirloom Seeds' allow you to  reanimate antique plant varieties that are at risk of vanishing. If you're at the festival, swing by and let Test Tube add a little Spring to your step.

In her directorial debut Whip It, Drew Barrymore taught us that Roller Derby is a contact sport played by two teams of five, roller-skating around a track. Play consists of a series of short 'jams' in which both teams designate a 'jammer' who scores points by lapping members of the opposing team. The teams attempt to assist their own jammer whilst hindering the opposing jammer - thus playing both offense and defense simultaneously! At least I think that's what Drew would have taught us if I'd seen her shit film.

These jeans are cheap and they look good. No jean porn about it. Japanese selvage denim? Nup. Hand sewn zip? Absolutely not. Customisable stitching? Cut the crap. They are just cheap and they look great, which is probably what most of the young people wearing them are like.

Ziggy Denim's latest collection has just dropped in stores in time for summer. If you need a pair of pants for festivals, parks and the general activity of the silly season, get some.

Burnt oranges! Classic blues. Yellow! Denim. Deep reds. And you can get most of them in full pant or shorts versions. Damn it, just look how much cheap fun you can have wearing them! They're all $90 or less. It's probably a public pool those models are in and they didn't even pay an entry fee.

You can get these Ziggys at a shop near you. Or, thanks to the mysterious Mr Z, you might win a pair today (girls or guys, your choice). To enter, just answer the following question.