The Thousands

With the blindness-inducing years of my sexual awakening sitting pretty much parallel to the introduction of the internet to the mainstream market, I’ve seen more cum-drenched faces and boys with daddy issues than you can shake a dick at. Now suitably jaded and pushing 30, it’s gotten to the point where it takes an amputee midget sitting front row centre at a bukkake party to raise an eyebrow.

So, nowadays when I’m looking for something to whet my appetite, I turn somewhere else to get my kicks – food porn. And the one place that rivals Eastern European hardcore sites when it comes to getting you salivating as much as it has you turning away in disgust is This Is Why You’re Fat.

Offering page after page of heart-clogging, bowel-shredding treats including the chocolate covered bacon maple donut bar and the banana peanut butter cup and marshmallow grilled sandwich, it is the ultimate gastronomological gangbang. And in a move akin to landing François Sagat as your live-in lover, the genius sons’ of bitches who created the site have released a cookbook so you can recreate the deliciously monstrous meals in your very own home.

I think I just came.