Hiring People

· Thursday January 24, 2013

Life is short. DIY is stupid. Hire someone to do it for you, and enjoy your life. When you're moving house, hire a dude with a truck. Pay them in money. If you're packed and ready it could be over in under a hundred bucks.

WEIGH UP: a hundred bucks vs. a stretched friendship, several trips with your friend's aunty's rickety trailer and an entire day of your precious, ever shrinking life. When you're travelling, shell out for a goddamn house and live like a normal human. WEIGH UP: five hundred bucks between a half a dozen of you vs. bird lice, athlete's foot and a German backpacker strumming Radiohead outside your dorm at 10am. Think about it guys. Think about your asshole landlord and his irrational hatred of weeds. Think about how he wouldn't hate weeds so much if he was the poor chump who had to yank them out of the ground all day. Now think about paying that irrational hatred forward to a pair of migrant workers who pull weeds like you drink Japanese beer, or upload gifs, or whatever hipster thing you people do when you're not trying to fit a queen sized mattress in your ex-housemate's mum's stationwagon.

My point is this: all the time and energy you spend trying to do things for yourself is vastly disproportionate to the money you're saving. Plus you're probably annoying the people around you. That neighbour who's been angle grinding and circular sawing every Saturday and Sunday morning for the last two years? Yeah, his deck would have been built in an afternoon if he'd hired some guys. All that horrifying spider-infested junk that's piled up in the yard? Hire a skip already. Sure, you're not rich, but fuck it - will that extra 80 bucks hiring a guy who actually knows how to move a piano have any effect on your long term wealth and prosperity? Or was that slipped disk worth three days rent?

Fugazi notwithstanding, DIY isn't noble. DIY is for hippies. Hire some guys. Also, eat more fibre. And avocado, and walnuts. And don't rush if you're late, because you're already late. And stay off the porn. And quit stressing about your hair.