The Thousands

What’s with cafés these days? They’re pimped out with the latest organic free-trade coffee, a million-dollar fit-out and the hippest of hipster-doofus waiters. That’s if you can find a seat, which isn’t in someone’s armpit. I just wanna read the paper, score a fat bacon and egg roll and sip a flat white in relaxed surroundings. Won’t anyone hear my anguished cry?

And then one arvo strolling back from Manly beach, I found it: Café Splat. Just off the tourist track on Queenscliff headland, Café Splat brings Pauly Shore – style chillin’ to the north (bypassing the TV Rock – style pretensions of the east).**Check out the all-day brekkie featuring ‘ouevos rancheros’ (sloppy poached eggs served on a bed of spicy tomatoes, beans, peppers and chorizo sausage), slurp-tastic fruit smoothies and heart-warming coffees that leave you wanting another one.

Cheers to owners John and Pippa for giving Northsiders exactly what the rest of town is missing: a genuinely laid-back café serving up scrumptious food and coffee made with love. Now, all I want is a million dollars! Won’t anyone hear my anguished cry? Anyone?