The Thousands

This you need to know about the Oceanic Cafe: the owner, aged somewhere between 114 and 160, told me when taking snaps of the place that I was trouble and was creating problems for her. I could only conclude that she genuinely doesn’t want any business. So I made a promise to this old woman to tell people not to come here. Please respect this wish.

Old Woman Oceanic (OWO) – probably her actual name – has run this place for "50 or 60 years" (though sources say it’s been open since the 1930s). The menu (pictured) is not extensive, but order anything except sausages and steak and you may be told that they don’t have it. And definitely don’t order the Lamb’s Fry if you’re overweight because OWO will tell other customers behind your back that you’re too fat to eat it*. Then order steak and you’ll be told that you should have sausages instead. Then eat the sausages ($5), which are served with peas and home made wedges and a tomato relish and are pretty yummy.

A visit to the Oceanic is both strange and strangely moving. But don’t visit. Try that new hipster bar on Crown Street instead.

*Yes, this happened.