The Thousands

As you can see, I am pretty smart. But I find that when you look like a numnut, one thing you need is an outward sign of intelligence. This might be a pair of glasses, a T-shirt with your IQ on it, or David Sedaris in the front seat of your car.

**The holy grail, of course, is an accessory that’s smart AND fashion forward (sorry David. Oh stop sulking you high pants wiener). And Penguin bookbags score two points on that front. The problem is, they only come with pussy soft porn titles such as ‘Sweet Danger’, ‘Siren Land’ and ‘Dangerous Curves’. Men, however, can wear them ironically at the gay pride parade. And they’re 100% waterproof. Everybody wins.