The Thousands

A friend of mine, who works at the Pentagon, was telling me how they don’t use paper targets in their subterranean firing range anymore. They use human clones. Sounds pretty far fetched, doesn’t it? Well, that’s exactly what they want you to think. They want you to read this, roll your eyes, and go “Pfff.” That way they can keep firing nickel-tipped skull-busters at living targets, 500km beneath the earth’s surface.

My buddy says they’ve got them corralled by the thousands in enormous caves, where they feed on all the African goat-bats they can catch. And, in what must be the most grotesque example of symbiosis ever, the bats feed on the clones. So, when they’re not being shot like fish in a barrel for the sake of marksmanship, the clones are fighting for their lives against giant bats.

And, how’s this for morbid irony, these clones have pale, bulbous, faceless heads – much like the paper targets that they’ve succeeded. The original plan was to make them all look like Abby Hoffman but that didn’t work out. Someone bumped a Petri dish and now there’s an army of grey, bald, eyeless freaks copulating in their own filth, drinking bat blood, somewhere between here and the earth’s core. Pfff.