The Thousands

Recently I found myself shark hunting in the Gulf of Mexico with my very special friend Mr. Lou Diamond Phillips. We were sitting aboard my boat THE CHINGA A TU MADRE, gearing up for a dive when Lou whips out this ordinary looking hunting knife and says "Hey, check this out, man," and stabs the watermelon I had brought with me for good luck. "Nice one Phillips." I muttered, "Just put your flippers on, check your regulator and let’s go kill some fucking sharks. Wait! Have you already been into the mushrooms Kiefer gave us?"**He shook his head "No way, man! Just keep watching the watermelon though, keeeeep watching…" So I kept watching, and watching and then after an uncomfortably long silence Lou shrieks "Yi-Yi-Yi-Yaaaaaah!" like he did in YOUNG GUNS, and the watermelon exploded! I leapt to my feet and nearly fell overboard! "Holy shit! How’d you do that?" Lou smiled, "Relax man, sit down, I’ll tell you." I sat down "It’s called the ‘Wasp Injector Knife’ maaan! There’s a tube inside the blade that injects a cold jet of compressed gas the size of a basketball into whatever you stab!" I was on my feet again, "Sweet Jesus! We need more watermelons!"

True story.