The Thousands

Okay this really poops us off. We’re one of the only countries in the world with compulsory bike helmets – not that some of us care, we concede – but it takes the Danish to come up with helmets camouflaged as jaunty riding hats. AND NO-ONE EVEN SELLS THEM HERE!

Hear this, potential stockists: get these Danes on the phone and you’ll be waiting on a shipment more valuable than 200 kilos of Mexican Brown in a crate spray-painted by Banksy.**We would like to segue, at this point, to the tale of our friend Dougie, who now works at a major news network, perhaps for childhood trauma reasons that will soon become apparent. When he was at primary school, his parents – unsatisfied with the safety features of their Volvo – made all their children wear Stack Hats in the car. That’s right! He was a total loser. So, if not for us – Australian retailers – then at least for Dougie, call the stockists number on the site.

The best style is the ‘Paris’ as it makes you look quite ‘Famous Five go to pony club’. Others include the Putin-esque ‘Luzern’, though it is not our luxury to pick and choose, evidently.