The Thousands

Tuesday 22 December 

You know what the best thing about Xmas is? Pork crackling! Call us greedy, unspiritual, monstrous, we care not. Not when we're about to tuck into some delicious festive meats. Nom nom, salty nom.

The giving spirit hasn't entirely eluded us though. That's why we're pinging you on a Tuesday with a bunch of last-minute-freak-out gift ideas. We've got sunnies, bags and aquariums!  A special instrument for those quiet moments around the turkey, and a reading list that'll please the fussiest of book boffins.

We threw in a few good ideas for New Years too, because, well, because we were already drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Happy day of gluttony, Sydney! See you in the New Year. 

TwoThousand 218 - what a ham

Extras on the site now:

EAT/DRINK: Aunty Marg's Rum Balls
STRAY: Mulberry picking
READ: Haunt
GOODS: Girly Pains 'Le Portraits'

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Covershot by James Harvey. If you would like to submit a cover shot email alice@rightanglestudio.com.au 

What:
Summer reading

Where:
In stores and online

When:
Most can be with you before Christmas, or buy a subscription and tell your giftee to wait for it.

How much:
$14.95-$200

Nothing divides sentient humanity like a summer reading list, so I want to clarify that the following books have been chosen according to a unique set of criteria that I made up just then. Will it make me look smart if falls out my bag? Is it waterproof? Can I email the author if I want to ask annoying questions? Can I use it as an excuse for being disorganised about Christmas? In many cases below, the answer is yes.

Read 1: McSweeney's Issue 33, The San Francisco Panorama
Details: US $16 plus shipping from The McSweeney's Store. The most ambitious McSweeney's project ever: they made a newspaper. The newspaper of your dreams.  

Read 2: My Name Is Charles Saatchi And I Am An Artoholic
Details: AUD $14.95 at good book shops. Charles Saatchi is the world's most famous art collector. Refuses to be interviewed. These are the only answers he's ever giving. Will fit in your pocket; quite a few mentions of Nigella's boobs.

Read 3: The Thing Quarterly
Details: Current subscriptions US $200 from here. The Thing sends you a piece of art every issue. Recent editions include a window blind by Miranda July that says "When this shade is down I'm not the person you think I am." Current issue: pretend glasses by Jonathan Lethem.

Read 4: Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These, Amanda Maxwell and Sarah Larnach.
Details: $24 at Serps Press and The Thousands Shop. Amanda should stop what she's doing and write short stories the whole time. We see you Amanda, get back to your desk.

Read 5: The Psychic Soviet, Ian Svenonius
Details: Prices vary wildly, Sunshine & Grease and Drag City. Waterproof collection of philosophical rants by Ian Svenonius, published by Drag City. If you don't know who Ian Svenonius is lucky it's waterproof because imma dump this bucket of beans on you.

By Penny Modra

What:
Ksubi Book Club Sunglasses

Where:
Ksubi Stores & Incu

How much:
$289 - $329

Contact:
8303 1400

You know how some labels get kinda ruined by the people who wear them? Like how Burberry became to Chavs what Keppers were to homies? Or how the Southern Cross, a perfectly pleasant little constellation, got brandished by mean, bashy bogans, and is now henceforth a starry symbol of small-mindedness? The list could go on. It's not the thing's fault - it is like the cute child bickered over by big business and crazy consumers.

Enter Ksubi, a pretty neat Aussie can-do designer story, revolutionising skinny jeans, oversized graphic tees, dance parties and rats skipping along runways since 2000. Pretty ok, right? But yet I felt that unless I was a human-shaped toothpick more attached at the hip to Bondi than the Caveman, Ksubi and me couldn't mix.

That is, until I saw this fetching eyewear campaign, with highly impractical book-shaped hats that most surfers or sandcombers would thumb their sunburnt noses at. I love books! I love hats! I love glasses that resemble explorer goggles! So, maybe Ksubi and I can be friends after all. Fingers crossed those shiny wooden batons come with, cos no doubt before long a bogan/Chav/homie will try and roll me for 'em.

By Angela Bennetts

What:
Hohner Blues Harmonica in Key of C

Where:
Most music stores, definitely try your Allens

How much:
Around $55

Related links:
Do not play it like PM

"I got them waken' up late, sleeping' past alarm, milk's not expired but tastes like last November, bruised apple that smacks of flour, spinning wheel of death, 19 dollars in my bank account, bills with disconnection warning, dropped my fork on the floor, gotta get to an appointment, left the lights on in the car, now it's got a flat battery, waiting for a bus in the rain with inside-out umbrella and a hole in my sole, stepped into a puddle, too crowded for me to get on and my pocket's dropping change, late for the doctor whose got some news for me, snapped handle on my shopping bag, keys in opposite pocket blues."

We all get the blues and one sure-fire way to get rid of them blues is with a genuine, bona fide blues extractor. Wrap your gums around aharp, turn that frown upside down and those blues into Blues.

Hohner Blues Harmonica in Key of C. (Tip: Start in C, the rest will follow.) Rating. Excruciating to nonchalantly cool.

By James Cameron

What:
Fantastic Mr Fox

Where:
In cinemas from January 1

Watch the trailer:
Here

Win:
Thanks to Fox, we have 3 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@twothousand.com.au with the subject‚'If you're gonna cuss, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!'

I was dubious about Wes Anderson's take on Roald Dahl's darkly gleeful caper about a cheeky fox who steals from three awful farmers. But Anderson's mannered directorial trademarks work well with the stop-motion animation. There are funny sight gags and quotable lines aplenty, including perhaps the best thing anyone's ever said to Jarvis Cocker in years: "That was a bad song."

George Clooney's not an Anderson regular, but casting him in the title role as a vulpine Danny Ocean was a work of intertextual genius. With his reckless charm, he plays well against Meryl Streep's sardonically sexy Mrs Fox.

In a subplot invented for the film, Jason Schwartzman is Fox's misfit son Ash, who's passive-aggressively cruel to his overachieving cousin Kristofferson (Eric Chase Anderson). But their rivalry enriches rather than distracts from the plot.

Bill Murray feels under-used here as Fox's lawyer mate Badger, but most other roles are delightful, especially Willem Dafoe's‚ "when you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way" take on Rat. Charming, beautifully detailed, free of fatuous self-consciousness and completely in the spirit of its source material, Fantastic Mr Fox is Wes Anderson's best movie in years.

By Mel Campbell

What:
Bags!

Where:
In stores and online

When:
Most can be with you before Christmas

How much:
$10-$490

As much as we like to think of ourselves as unhindered, wireless creatures from the future, the amount of stuff we lug around gets more ridiculous by the minute. Ever tried leaving the house without a bag? Nuts. Or even a spare bag to go in that bag, just in case you get more stuff? Forget about it. Here are a few of the nicest totes and stuff carriers we've spotted of late:

Bag 1. Jack Spade duffle bag
Details: $269, Incu, New York artisan bags of minimalist perfection.

Bag 2. Note To Self totes
Details: $80-$120, from The Thousands Shop. Individually crafted Japanese selvage denim totes.

Bag 3. Nieves Tote
Details: $22, from Teeluxe online, or the studio 14 Magnolia Plc, Ewingsdale. Will carry loads of zines, only limited run in white!

Bag 4. Mr Kayak leather shoulderbag
Details: $490, Alphaville, Made by NZ bag experts Deadly Ponies. This one is a roll-down leather multi-use bag, with brass hardware.  

Bag 5. Kanken Backpack
Details: US $80 + shipping, Oooga Booga store, LA. These Swedish beauties make backpacks look good again.

By Max Olijnyk

What:
A sweet aquarium full of things that live in aquariums

Where:  
Aquadisiac Aquarium Store, 545A Bourke St, Surry Hills

When:
Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm, Sat 10am - 5pm, Sun 12pm - 5pm

How much:
$80-$1000

Contact:
9360 2782 or info@aquadisiacstore.com.au

View map

"The human world, it's a mess! Life under the sea is better dan anyting dey got up dere!" As charming as he was, I always took the sub-aquatic fixations of that charismatic little Caribbean lobster with a grain of salt. The dude was on the payroll and the gig was to keep Ariel down home where Daddy wanted her. And besides, she was underage and Papa was the King of the Sea so you know, whatever, the little fella was just trying to make a dollar and provide a bit of dramatic tension on the side.

But after the epic fail at Copenhagen this weekend I think I'm now starting to see what that crazy little crustacean was banging on about. Check out Tuvalu, it's totally going under already. Clearly the days are numbered for us air-breathing types and at this rate a puppy pretty much is just for Christmas. So we can either stand around with our heads in the sand, or just get on with it and make nice with all the slippery little suckers that'll be shacking up in our living rooms soon enough anyway. "Darling it's better down where its wetter, take it from me!"

By Xavier Fijac

What:
Cherry Cake

Where:
Your house, or mine

When:
Christmas

How much:
$10 or thereabouts

Christmas Pudding definitely does not cut it on a hot summer's day. It's too dreary and wintery. Plus, too many dried fruits remind me of the apocalypse. Who wants that when you're trying to think of new beginnings? Alcohol infused Cherry Cake - now, that's a different story. This cake is the edible embodiment of Miranda July - sweet, cute looking, a little sinister. And, contrary to popular belief, we don't have winter Christmas. We don't need no winter food.

To make it you need alcohol (brandy, coconut rum, amaretto or goon) to soak the cherries in. Soak the cherries at least a few days before you make the cake. OK - here's a list of ingredients.

Alcohol
500g cherries (pitted)
200g butter
200g sugar, sugar
4 eggs (yolks and whites split)
Rind of a lemon
Pinch o salt
250g SR flour
2 tbsp milk
Icing sugar to sprinkle

The method in the madness:

1. Preheat the oven to 200 degrees celcius.
2. Mix the butter, sugar and salt together til it looks creamy.
3. Add the egg yolks, one at a time.
4. Mix in the flour slowly, bit by bit, alternating with the milk.
5. In a separate bowl, fluff the egg white til stiff peaks form. Fold that whiteness into the mixture! And don't be rough, ruffian!
6. Pour half of the mixture into a well greased tin, then add a layer of cherries, and add the remaining mixture.
7. Bake the sucker for 55 minutes or until golden.
8. Once it's cooled, sprinkle the icing sugar on top, and wam, bam, thankin you mam. You've got yourself a cake which, if you ate enough of it, you wouldn't even need alcoholic beverages! Not recommended.

By Sarah Werkmeister

What:
Adopting a dog

Where:
Sydney Dogs and Cats Home

When:
Wait until after Christmas when the abandoned pets arrive, or when you're ready.

How much:
About $300 for starters

View map

Ever since fleeing the family home all those years ago, I have felt something missing from my life. Spare cash? Certainly. Home cooked meals? That too. Aside from all that, a certain gentle presence has been lacking, in the shape of a Jack Russell Terrier. Those little bundles of unconditional love, who literally wet themselves when you open the door and to whom the prospect of going for a walk with you is brain-meltingly exciting. And when you're feeling down or simply a bit tired, they smile at you with their kind eyes, jump onto your lap and go to sleep.

After years of searching, I finally found my trusty sidekick Tess last week and instantly, life is better. She has a few neuroses to iron out, but so would you if you were dumped by your family and lived in a cage for the last couple of months. She's so happy and thankful to have a new home; it's a joy to behold.

Sure, it's a huge responsibility and I have no doubt there will be times when she drives me nuts. Regardless, I cannot recommend adopting a dog highly enough. Take a trip to the Sydney Dogs and Cats Home this summer, I dare you. You'll know when you see yours!

By Max Olijnyk

Employer:
Lover

Position:
Design assistant

Where and when:
Sydney, early 2010

Apply:
Please send a resume and 1 to 3 low-res examples of your work to jobs@loverthelabel.com by Jan 11. You will be notified via email between January 11 and 18 if you are required to attend an interview.

Lover is the quirky pairing of Susien Chong and Nic Briand. They design covetable femme fashion with a romantic twist. Charlotte Gainsbourg even wants to slip into their swimmers on the silver screen! Lover loves Leonard Cohen, milk chocolate and Picnic at Hanging Rock... and now they want to love you too!

A rare opportunity has been created for a design assistant to join the team at Lover. Susien and Nic say the role will require:

- creative flair
- design talent
- problem solving and multi-tasking skills
- (all the things you have!)

You will be working beside both creative directors on concept through to final design, fittings and sample co-ordination. A design degree infashion is essential. Photoshop and Illustrator skills would be a plus. A passion for music, film, art, and popular culture will help no end. This position will give the successful applicant room to grow within the role and the company. Be a lover, not a you know what.

By Us.

What:
Pigeon Ground End Of Year Sale

Where:
102 Salisbury Rd, Camperdown

When:
Every day until Xmas, Mon-Wed 11am-6pm, Thur 11am-7pm

How much:
Up to 70% off

Description:
You know how whenever you need to find a present for someone you always find a billion amazing things for yourself instead? Well, that's even more likely when Pigeon Ground are open every day until Christmas, and have up to 70% off their carefully curated designers Secret Squirrel, Milk From a Thistle, Something Else, and Andrea and Joen. Regardless of who ends up with the loot, it all makes this Pigeon the most generous bird since the Turducken. - CB

What:
Snow Show

Where:
East Sydney Doctors Gallery, 102 Burton St, Darlinghurst

When:
Tues Dec 22, 6.30pm-8pm

How much:
Free

Description:
The chance of snow in Sydney in December increased (from zero, that is) with the advent of the Snow Show. A huddle of artists have responded to the heat waves with affirmative appreciation of cold, white and wet. View works by Michaela Gleave, Thea Rechner, Martin Sharp, Michelle Hinchcliff, Andrew Hopkins, Rose Vickers, Elwira Titan, Daniel Hollier, Damian Dillon, Pete Volich, Kyle Montgomery, Ella Clawley, Ingrid Sant and Parris Dewhurst and dream of a white Christmas. - CB 

What:
Mad Racket NYE

Where:
Marrickville Bowling and Recreation Club, 91 Sydenham Rd, Marrickville

When:
Thur Dec 31, 10pm

How much:
$45 + bf here

Description
New Year's eve in Sydney can be a turbulent and turgid sea of filth. The best advice we can offer is cast the net wide and avoid the usual haunts where travesty is assured. You won't find us doing the Melbourne shuffle on Oxford Street, instead we're opting for the Marrickville Bowlo's snug confines, its glowing, beaten copper ceiling and the friendly faces of the Mad Racket crew. Alongside expert locals hosts, ace French DJ and producer Pépé Bradock (check the classics 'Deep Burnt' and 'Path of Most Resistance') makes a rarified appearance to these shores. Get yourself to the Inner West: a heaving island oasis with assuringly good music on offer. - ML

What:
REDRATNYE

Where:
The Red Rattler Theatre, 6 Faversham St, Marrickville

When:
Thur Dec 31, 7pm

How much:
$40 + BF (presale only) here

Description:
Made a resolution to party more, preferably at award-winning artist-run collectives, in the new year? Well shucks, that's a coincidence because the Red Rattler are hosting a NYE party, and you could totally get a head start on that resolution. But you'll probably just go because it'll be a mega fun night with a DJ set from JD Samson from Le Tigre to see in 2010. Further artist antics provided by Glitta Supernova, WIFE, Mighty Hermaphrodite and Stranger Danger and music sets from Plast Her Ov Paris and DJ Gemma. However, you might have to defer that other resolution to drink and smoke less. - CB

What:
Skream + Benga

Where:
Gaelic Club, 64 Devonshire St, Surry Hills

When:
Sat Jan 2, 10pm-5am

How much:
$30 here

Description:
Today was my first dubstep experience. We listened to it through the office speakers, so apparently it wasn't done justice. I'm told that when you're in a room and can feel the bass rattling your bones, you start to involuntarily dance like a giant fondu set. And, as the music speeds up you'll lift your arms and 'just go crazy'. Honestly, it wasn't bad. I do have the sudden urge to transform into a pot of melty cheese and I am feeling a light meditative state of mind coming on. Give dubstep a shot with Skream and Benga, they're the leaders of their genre and rarely disappoint. Plus the gig goes 'til 5am. Epic! - HM

What:
Emiliana Torrini

Where:
Enmore Theatre, 130 Enmore Rd, Newtown

When:
Tue Jan 5, 7.30pm

How much:
$58.50 here

Description:
Emiliana Torrini is coming to town with her impressive bio in tow. Oh, you know, she sang a song for Middle Earth and wrote another for 'our' national treasure, and she can hold her own against Grace Slick. This Icelandic master of quirky pop sculpts tightly bouncing melodies around both the mundane and the profound. And she sure is charming to watch. - CB

Words don't come easy and in June, Max (Assistant Editor of our sister publication ThreeThousand) wrote an article on a bag that was so good that we have decided to make another bag just to honour it. It's called The Thousands Quote Tote and it is the first in the series of bags using our words and the skills of designer and bag-maker extraordinaire Hannah Chipkin from Chip Chop. Screen printed on canvas beach bag and produced in a limited edition, The Thousands Quote is available exclusively through The Thousands Shop. We have one tote, valued at $50 - to give away! To enter, just answer the following question.

This week's question:
The Quote Tote is

a) not your average weekender

b) toting the shit out of your stuff, all over town

c) no tent bag

d) freaking out all the squares

Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@twothousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry! Not a subscriber? It's free you bananas! Sign up here.

TwoThousand is a weekly snapshot of Sydney's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we call creativity. Without editorial independence TwoThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.

ADVERTISING PARTNERSHIPS
TwoThousand is a trusted and proven medium for advertisers to engage with Sydney's most elusive individuals - our subscribers. Each issue offers one advertiser the opportunity to have sole presence in the e-newsletter. A variety of placements (three, to be exact) are also available on twothousand.com.au. For more information on advertising with TwoThousand, contact:

MANAGING DIRECTOR
Francesco Nazzari
frunch@rightanglestudio.com.au

FEEDBACK
Have something to say? Then say it by emailing editorial@twothousand.com.au.

DISCLAIMER
The information in TwoThousand is subject to change. Although we attempt to ensure that the content at the time of publication is correct, we do not guarantee its accuracy or currency. Right Angle Studio accepts no responsibility to you or anyone else arising from any use or reliance on the information contained in TwoThousand or any inaccuracy in the information. The views and opinions expressed on material included in TwoThousand may not reflect those of Right Angle Publishing.

CONTACT
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Darlinghurst, NSW, 2010
(02) 9358 2707

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Darlinghurst, NSW, 1300

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GROUP PUBLISHER
Barrie Barton
barrie@rightanglestudio.com.au

PUBLICATIONS MANAGER
Penny McVey
pennymcvey@rightanglestudio.com.au

MARKETING DIRECTOR
Matt Langler
matt@rightanglestudio.com.au 

SENIOR EDITOR
Nadia Saccardo
nadia@rightanglestudio.com.au

ACTING EDITOR
Alice Fenton
alice@rightanglestudio.com.au

ACTING DEPUTY EDITOR
Hayley Morgan
hayley@rightanglestudio.com.au

ACTING OUT EDITOR
Cleo Braithwaite
cleo@rightanglestudio.com.au

WATCH EDITOR
Mel Campbell
mel@rightanglestudio.com.au

EAT/DRINK EDITOR
Alex Vitlin
alex@rightanglestudio.com.au

STREET PHOTOGRAPHERS
Maja Baska, Rafaela Pandolfini

SENIOR CONTRIBUTORS
Penny Modra
Max Olijnyk
Rachel Surgeonor
Danielle Marsland
Rachel Elliot-Jones
Angela Bennetts
Xavier Fijac