The Thousands

In the days of yore, fletchers made arrows, coopers made barrels, blacksmiths smithed metals. Playwrights wrought plays. In this manner, Max Lavergne might be considered a lol-wright, chiefly for his output on Really Really Really Trying, but also for a bunch of other stuff he’s had published. That is, he’s a very good writer. FBi recognised this, which is why they have him hosting the SMACs this year. We harassed him over his afternoon tea last week.

Hi Max. We know you’re pretty good at the internet. Did you see this a few days ago? How do you feel about it? Nuts right?
Holy hell. I didn’t see it, because I try to filter out any tangible evidence of the coming apocalypse. What business does a rat that lives in a Foot Locker have being that big? Are sneakers a rich source of protein that I never knew about? Was it supplementing its diet of Hello Kittys with actual kitties? I’d like to take this opportunity to emphasise that there will be no monster rats at the SMAC Awards this Thursday.

Hayley suggested SMAC awards = So Many Amazing C*nts. What else have you got?
Sensual Motherfuckers Are Commended. Symbolic, Meaningless Appreciation Certificates. Some Mothers Are Cats?

They added Best Eats this year. What should be the next category added?
Best Fats, I would imagine (because of the alphabet). It’ll be a close match between Fats Waller and Fats Domino, but I’d put my money on Domino.

How many times did the ass and pussy trick work? What have you lately assed and pussied? Or have you changed your MO?
Oh boy. For anyone who hasn’t read that stupid non-joke on my blog i.e. nearly everyone, this question makes me look like a PLAYA. So for those people: it worked ONE MILLION times. Look out for my new book, The Secret, in stores this winter. For anyone who does know what this is about: I don’t know, it worked exactly as well as you would expect for an extremely immature prank designed to mildly inconvenience café owners?

Please write a question and answer it or make a statement then react to it.
STATEMENT: There is gonna be some hella chill vibes at the SMAC Awards on Thursday hey. Also I heard there would be some live performances from Catcall, Oliver Tank and Matt Corby. Should be sweet. Looking forward to it. If I can’t make it to the National Art School in Darlinghurst I’ll probably tune in to hear the live broadcast on FBi 94.5
REACTION: Very good points. Thank you.