The Thousands

The problem with the modern media age is that no matter how cool you think you are, there’s always some irritating young oik biting at your heels reminding you that you’re yesterday’s news, that you have been usurped, replaced by the latest über-cool model. The trick is in recognising this, standing aside, buttoning up your cardigan and heading out into the freezing night, never to be seen again. That’s why it’s important to wear pants, not tights!**Ben Naparstek is editor of The Monthly. He’s 23. He has a book out, in which he interviews 39 famous writers. He started interviewing when he was 15. He talks to legends hardened correspondents couldn’t get near, or would fill their pants (or tights) at the thought of interviewing. I’m talking Murakami, Paul Auster and Noam Chomsky here. If I talked to them, all I could manage would be, "Can I touch you, kind sir?"

Naparstek acts like it’s all in a day’s work. How frigging annoying is that? I’d slap him if I weren’t so afraid of him crushing me like a bug. It’s cold out there and I’ve only got my American Apparel cardie on.