Black mass. This Friday night. My flat.
I love a black mass! The candles, the chanting, the naked ladies dancing about with their unkempt pubic regions going in and out of focus, it’s awesome! And there’s only one thing better than attending a black mass, and that’s hosting a black mass! It’s like directing a pornographic train-wreck from behind a goat mask: "You! Kill that puppy, wring it’s blood into this goblet and get the bloke with the fogged up glasses to drink it. HAHAHAHA! Now, you! Take a crap in the microwave and set it on high for 30 minutes. HAHAHAHA!" Excellent!**But the best part of hosting your own black mass is at some point all your guests have to line up single-file and one by one kiss your arse! And not a quick peck on the cheek either, it’s a proper, gag-inducing salad-toss! I’m not even kidding. It says so in The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey! Anton was the founder and High Priest of the Church of Satan. He also tried to kill Flash Gordon a couple of times. Anton’s dead and gone now, but his unholy legacy lives on…
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT AT MY FLAT! See you there. Heil Satan.
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