The Thousands

If someone came into your house and took photos of all your stuff then posted it on their blog, you’d be on the blower to the insurance company or down the cop shop applying for a restraining order. Todd Selby at least has the decency to stop watching people through binoculars from the bushes across the street and walk right in there while the rest of us peer through the curtains, apoplectic with jealousy.

The Selby is a burglar’s dream come true. If you were thinking about breaking into Lagerfeld’s joint (and I am now), he’s got like a million books so bring your ute. Or we could turn over Helena Christensen’s pad and kidnap her puppy. Leave the ransom in a garbage bin outside Penn Station, Christensen. Unmarked bills. Make sure you’re not followed or the Labrador gets it.

The thing is, you’ve been fooling yourself if you thought your apartment was cool. It isn’t. Unless you live on a houseboat, in a converted scooter garage or have a hat stand made from a narwhal tusk, you’ve got a long way to go.